Can nongreek/greek relationship work?

[Shawndalynn]

I was just curious to see if anyone out there was in a fraternity or sorority but your significant other is not. I was curious if there was a strain on your relationship or if they could actually work out. I know a few peopel that have relationships like this and they are always having trouble. I know every relationship is not like that I just thought I would see what some people had to say.

[dzsaigirl]

I was in a relationship with someone who was not in the greek system and he got very jealous when I would go to mixers and other such things because he did not understand that they were not for "hooking up". I took him to some of my stuff (formal, grab-a-date, crush party, etc and he really really liked it, but there was still always this problem with the fact that I knew so many guys and I was friends with them. Long story short, I dated a fraternity guy after him and I am now engaged to the fraternity guy. It really all depends on the person though. Some people are adults about it and some just aren't. Also, you should consider the downside to dating another greek...people tend to get in your business since they think that it is a chapter to chapter thing...hard to explain unless you've been there. Best to keep your relationship really private unless you want everyone in your business!

[Wine&Blue]

Yes it can work. I'm marrying a non-greek that I started dating my junior year in college.

[PKTSU01]

That's got to be the most shallow thing i've ever heard of. i know what you mean though, about it causing problems sometimes, it's all in the mindset I guess. Personally, I've dated sorority girls and have had nightmares and non-greek women who were awesome, so, i don't place much weight on it, people who do aren't very grown up anyways.

[dzrose93]

Actually, it's not really shallow. Greeks are always doing things with other Greeks, so if you're dating a non-Greek it's a definite issue. Like dzsaidgirl said, lots of times non-Greeks don't understand that a mixer isn't about "hooking up" with members of the opposite sex. Since they can't attend themselves, they may feel jealous or insecure about what is going on at an event they aren't invited to.

I speak from experience: I dated a non-Greek guy for my last 2 years of college, and we got along perfectly until a social with a fraternity rolled around. Immediately, a fight began because my boyfriend didn't think that I should be going to an event with a bunch of guys. He just didn't understand that I was going to see my sisters and guy pals, and he didn't realize that as chapter president I was obligated to attend and represent my sorority.

My non-Greek guy also didn't understand why I spent so much time doing sorority events, and resented the time that I spent with my sisters. It didn't mean that he wasn't a terrific guy, he just didn't get the whole "Greek Life" deal.

I think it all depends on the individual. Some people can handle the fact that their significant others are Greek and will have Greek events to attend on a regular basis and some people can't handle it. The trick is to find someone who can!

I'm currently dating a non-Greek who is very supportive of my involvement in my sorority. Although I'm an alumna, I'm very active and do at least 1 activity a week with my sisters. During Rush, he rarely sees me because I'm an advisor to a collegiate DZ chapter! However, he handles everything very well.

For example, this summer, we had an alumni mixer with a Kappa Sig alumni group. I went, had a great time, and then had my boyfriend meet me after the event so that we could go out. It worked out perfectly.

When it comes down to it, I think that all relationships are based on trust. If your non-Greek boy/girl doesn't trust you to handle yourself well in a situation when he/she isn't around, then the relationship isn't a good one.

[SigkapAlumWSU]

I'm marrying a non-greek, and she happens to strongly disagree with the greek system. It mostty has to do with a lot a pre-conceptions that he has, but he does acknowledge that my Greek experiance was great. We pretty much agree to disagree about it, so it works.

[Optimist Prime]

hmm...i think it matters more if you were still in college. Also, if you want to look at it by a chapter to chapter thing, for fraternties, not really sororities i don't think, but the more guys they have dating sorority women, the better.

[AlphaChiGirl]

I think it makes little difference. I'm a VERY active member of my organization, and I'm seriously dating someone who does not agree with the idea of Greek-letter organizations as they exist, but we seem to find a healthy balance. He attends whatever events he can, and doesn't go crazy when he can't attend a crush party or formal, and I have to pick a male friend to go with me (we were friends before we dated, so he knows my friends pretty well, and how important Greek life was to my before-him life). We actually like having aspects of our life that the other isn't a total part of...gives us something to talk about, as well as dimension. Since my Greek system is so small, if I dated a fraternity member, that's ALL we would talk about.

It's more an issue of maturity than anything else, though. Greek/non-Greek, athlete/non-athlete, any thing like that, the same issues would come up.

[Miami1839]

I agree with Carrie and Billy,

All relationships are based on trust, commitment and what you have in common with a person. Greek or not. However, I would say that its more likely for a non-greek guy to get involve with a greek girl when shes alum. I think it could work during college but it all depends on the two people and what they have in common. If the guy is totally not into the greek scene and the girl is the only one he knows thats greek there might be a problem there. I think there was a guy at one sorority formal I went to that was an enlisted marine. So, its possible but like I said its more likely after college.

[SSS1365]

My boyfriend is non-Greek, but he also lives 3 hours away. We were dating since before I went greek, and he's actually the one who encouraged me to do it. He hangs out with his real brother's fraternity a lot so I don't think the whole greek concept bothers him at all. As long as the non-greek is open-minded and understanding, I see no reason why it can't work.

[DukeBlue]

Like others have said, I don't think it has anything to do with being Greek or non-Greek, it's all about maturity and trust...I mean, if a guy has a problem with you going to a function with a male friend or without him around, that has zero to do with him being non-Greek, and everything to do with him not trusting you and perhaps being a bit on the controlling side, and people like that come in both Greek and non-Greek versions. That's not someone I'd want to be with either way.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally posted by dzrose93
Actually, it's not really shallow. Greeks are always doing things with other Greeks, so if you're dating a non-Greek it's a definite issue. Like dzsaidgirl said, lots of times non-Greeks don't understand that a mixer isn't about "hooking up" with members of the opposite sex. Since they can't attend themselves, they may feel jealous or insecure about what is going on at an event they aren't invited to.

I speak from experience: I dated a non-Greek guy for my last 2 years of college, and we got along perfectly until a social with a fraternity rolled around. Immediately, a fight began because my boyfriend didn't think that I should be going to an event with a bunch of guys. He just didn't understand that I was going to see my sisters and guy pals, and he didn't realize that as chapter president I was obligated to attend and represent my sorority.

My non-Greek guy also didn't understand why I spent so much time doing sorority events, and resented the time that I spent with my sisters. It didn't mean that he wasn't a terrific guy, he just didn't get the whole "Greek Life" deal.

I think it all depends on the individual. Some people can handle the fact that their significant others are Greek and will have Greek events to attend on a regular basis and some people can't handle it. The trick is to find someone who can!

I'm currently dating a non-Greek who is very supportive of my involvement in my sorority. Although I'm an alumna, I'm very active and do at least 1 activity a week with my sisters. During Rush, he rarely sees me because I'm an advisor to a collegiate DZ chapter! However, he handles everything very well.

For example, this summer, we had an alumni mixer with a Kappa Sig alumni group. I went, had a great time, and then had my boyfriend meet me after the event so that we could go out. It worked out perfectly.

When it comes down to it, I think that all relationships are based on trust. If your non-Greek boy/girl doesn't trust you to handle yourself well in a situation when he/she isn't around, then the relationship isn't a good one.

Very well said!

[KSigkid]

I dated a non-greek member for a while, and the greek thing never was a problem - we disagreed on it, but she was cool with whatever...it didn't end up being the reason we broke up (the reason was cause she's psycho)

[carnation]

I married a non-Greek, a guy who had had very little exposure to the system since his college had none. As he began to meet my friends, he grew to support Greek life because he learned that what the media tells you is only the hyped-up story. He also realized that it's definitely not only the Greek system that has drinkers, partiers, etc.--his college was full of them! (I know; I used to teach there!)

So now he's trying to help me bring nationals to the college I now teach at and he wants all the kids to be Greeks because of the leadership, scholarship, and friendship opportunities. I sincerely hope he'll be initiated into our sons' fraternities in the future.

[SilverTurtle]

I've dated a non-greek for about 4 years.. we started out while I was still in school. I agree with what everyone's saying about trust.

The other thing is time management. I was very active in my chapter, and now I'm involved nationally. In addition to going to school full-time & working full-time, I had to balance a relationship. (And now it's volunteering almost full-time w/ my GLO & working full-time). You both have to make time for each other, and respect each others' busy schedules.