What Would You Do?

[bgsugirlie]

We've had a lot of problems going on in sorority lately and I was hoping that you guys would be able to give me some advice or a different perspective on the issue...

Some of our sisters (mainly the newly initiated sisters) have not been acting in an appropriate manner. They've basically been sluttin around. We're not exactly sure what to do about it either, but we're starting to get a reputation for it. Our exec has tried telling ALL the girls that they represent our sorority all the time even when they are not wearing letters. We've told them that sleeping with guys isn't going to earn them respect. We've told them that sleeping with guys isn't going to make the guy want to date them. And we've told them that when they finally find the right guy they want to be with, they may ruin their chances of starting a relationship because they are used goods. The problem is that it just doesn't seem to be getting through to them. Our older sisters have set a good example for them so I'm not sure why they think it's appropriate to act this way. We've tried talking to them to see if there are underlying issues but nothing seems to work. we've even had an STD talk at meeting. I know we can't stop them...it is their own life and they have to make their own decisions. I also understand that it is their freshman year, the first time they've been subjected to fraternity guys, and they want to have fun...but things have just been going a little too far. What to we do?

[CutiePie2000]

It would seem to me that if women are behaving in a promiscuous manner, that belies a deeper problem; namely a sense of poor self esteem. If these girls are sleeping with multiple men, it sounds like they're looking to really be loved and seeking affirmation, but are confusing "love" with "sex".

In any case, try not to condemn them so harshly (i.e. the term "sluttin around" seems rather hurtful and harsh), as they will feel that they are being judged. Rather, try to be sisterly towards them, let them know that in the sorority they are valued and cared for, and see whether there is some programming in your sorority that does enforce positive self-esteem, etc.

I know that you are likely angered and ashamed by these girls' conduct, but trust me, they need the love and support of their sisters right now, not condemnation and judgement. (I am thinking of 90210 , when Kelly used to be promiscuous, but then she later cleaned up her act...it can be done!)

Good luck!

[squirrely girl]

bgsugirlie,

unfortunately, especially with bigger schools, a lot of chapters go through this. a few girls wanna do stupid stuff, and it starts to hurt the whole chapter. other than what you've all done so far, my only advice would be to either see what they end up doing (if they figure it out on their own) or find a way to take more drastic measures like bring up the idea that they aren't acting in a way that represents the ideals of your sorority and they should start thinking if they want to remain members. i know some sororities have situations where you can kick a girl out for being the total opposite of you chapter's purpose. just a couple of ideas. i'm not sure how your chapter works.

marissa

[33girl]

If anyone used the term "used goods" to me, regardless of what I did, I think I would tell them to bite me...last I checked, a human is a human...and I really don't think TKE or any other fraternity is telling their pledges "stop sleeping around! you're spoiled!" (pardon my Splendor in the Grass reference)

If everyone else has the same attitude you do towards these girls, no wonder they're not listening.

[Senusret I]

I agree with cutiepie2000. . .In addition to sisterly love and whatnot, maybe your organization can sponsor some alumnae-undergraduate functions that show everyone in the chapter what real ladies are like. Maybe have formal teas every now and then to practice good etiquette (sp?).

I am just trying to think of programming that would foster dignified behavior to at least balance out the sluttin' around, if not eradicate it.

[dzrose93]

I know this will sound harsh, but the tactic that worked best for my chapter was to call the girls in front of the executive or judiciary board individually. They would be officially warned about the inappropriateness of their behavior, and told what would happen if it continued. Usually, they would be put on probation or, in really bad cases, suspended for a certain length of time, after which the girls would be brought in front of the board again and either reinstated (if they had changed their behavior) or terminated (if they showed no desire to change).

I know that everyone needs to "live their own lives." However, as a member of a sorority, a girl is representing her entire organization and she needs to be aware that her actions reflect not just on her, but on her sisters as well. If she isn't fulfilling the moral code of her GLO, then she doesn't need to be a member of that GLO. That's a simple fact, and I know that a lot of the younger girls may not agree with it, but it is part of being in a sorority. If you want to live your life without any guidelines to follow, then NPC sorority life, quite frankly, isn't for you.

[SAEalumnus]

I agree with dzrose. While it's true that to a point these people's actions are their own choice, it's also true that whether they realize it or not (they apparently probably don't, or don't care), anything they do reflects on both the sisters in their chapter and on the whole national organization. This is true regardless of whether or not they're wearing letters. For example... people on my campus (at least within the Greek community) generally know who I am because I took on some leadership roles within my chapter and within the community as a whole. I don't have to wear letters for them to know I'm an SAE. However I choose to behave, they're going to know that it's an SAE acting that way, so it's my duty to my brothers to make sure I'm acting according to our creed (see below in my signature).

[GreekLetterGirl]

i agree with DZrose, those girls are examples of your chapter and no matter what people know that they are your girls, if informal ideas haven't worked then i say go to formal measures yea it sucks but sometimes people don't understand how serious their actions truely are!