My Ex is Tying the Knot

KillarneyRose · #1 02-23-2002, 11:35 PM

I heard through my hometown grapevine that my serious college sweetie is getting married and I don't know why, but I feel weird about it! I'm happily married to a wonderful man, have 2 lovely daughters, a beautiful house...in short I have a great life and I very rarely even think of College Sweetie Guy.

So why is his getting married bothering me? I broke up with him, in fact, not vice versa. All day I have found myself wondering what his fiancee looks like, what kind of ring he got her, etc! lol It's not like I want to be with him or to even see him again. Maybe part of me wanted him to pine away for me for the rest of his life? I'd like to add that we broke up 11 years ago!

Has anything like this happened to any of you?

AlphaGam1019 · #2 02-24-2002, 12:03 AM

My headcase ex bf msged me on AIM the a few weeks ago(haven't talked to him in at least half a year until then)--

Ex: hi
Me: um yes?
Ex: just wanted to say hi
Me: <silence>
Ex: my wedding date is set for August...
Me: yeah so?

So after that he accuses me of being "angry & bitter"

Okay, just because I don't give a crap about his wedding, I'm "angry and bitter"? Hello?

I inquired why I was even on his AIM list anymore since I took him off quite a while ago. I told him I really wanted him to have a nice life, but that did not include communications with me. I think he took the hint.

James · #3 02-24-2002, 12:04 AM

Well Tracy . .. you know how it is Ex's ARE supposed to pine away and die waiting for us! I mean, really, who do they think they are removing themselves from our memory and our ultimate safety valve fantasies

lol

Just like right after you break up they should move a few states away to take the pressure off.

Hootie · #4 02-24-2002, 12:53 AM

My take on this situation is that you must have had a very meaningful relationship with this college sweetie and you're probably experiencing a surge of feelings that haven't resurfaced in years!
I don't doubt that you are completely happy, but perhaps deep down somewhere you had always wondered about what if? Or maybe it's just the fact that when we break up we never want to imagine our former lovers as finding others...even years after.
Like I said, I think the only reason why this is "bothering" you is because maybe he meant a lot to you at one time.
But hey, it's only natural to wonder what the other woman is like and how it is for them now.

I bet in a week or so you won't even be thinking about it!
Hootie

Peaches-n-Cream · #5 02-24-2002, 01:15 AM

You're curious, and I don't blame you. I would be, too! It's weird how eleven years can fly by, and yet it is so easy to return to those old feelings of adolescence and early adulthood. I ran into an old flame and his current girlfriend out of the blue one evening. Even though I would never want to be with him again, it freaked me out a little. I still don't know why. I got to see what she looks like, and I'm happy to report that she doesn't hold a candle to me!

Good luck!

amycat412 · #6 02-24-2002, 03:53 AM

Tracy-
Its harder IMO when you do the breaking up-- because part of you may always wonder if you made the right decsion, even if you're deliriously happy in your own present life.

Is this the same guy that thought CeeCee was a goddess?

Take solace in the fact that his judgement with women is impaired and that the only true goddess in his life was YOU.

And then go give your husband and kids big sloppy kisses.

Amy

justamom · #7 02-24-2002, 07:42 AM

Amycat and Hootie, I really agree with you all on this. It's part of that "first love" phenomenon.

This ex drove from Lawrence Ks to Houston with a friend and came to Steak and Ale where I was singing. Gosh I can remember this so clearly. Sure I was "pumped" at the effort, but thought I'd better let him know about my involvement. I said, "You're talking to an almost married lady." (dumb sounding I know PLUS I didn't get married for 4 more YEARS) He replied, "I wanted to let you know I plan on getting married in August."
I know my mouth dropped and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I never even LOVED this guy except in the sense he was always there and I had the security of knowing how much he loved me. (very selfish). The rest of the conversation was stilted and then-they were gone. His buddy called me and told me it was the last ditch effort at a relationship.

Now, the really sad thing is, I have seen him at the HS reunions (as well as mysteriously running into him when I would go home for a visit) and he shows me pics of his kids and we talk-even dance. His wife still hates me after all these years (don't blame her) in fact that whole damn female crowd hates me...STILL. He has called here and says stuff like "What if?" and all that jazz. At this point, I can't tell him there NEVER was a what if situation. I won't because he has romanticized over 3 DECADES in his mind.
I think about him from time to time, and I'm sure you will think about your ex from time to time as well. It just seems someone always loves a little deeper than the other and you may be the one he will ALWAYS remember as true love-and the one who got away.
This may have been the worst thing I ever did to another because as I reflect on this, I know I encouraged his devotion for my own ego...

aephi alum · #8 02-24-2002, 10:04 AM

I hear you... The first guy I had a serious relationship with, IM'd me about a year after we broke up, to tell me he was engaged. I think I said "congratulations... that's nice." I was floored... thinking "what's she got that I don't have?" Even though I know the answer to that question and it was nothing to do with me. (BTW they broke up.)

There's something about that first relationship, where you're always thinking "what if...?" He finds the love of his life, and it's not you, so what's wrong with you? The answer is nothing... you just weren't right for each other. He's found someone who's right for him, and he's perfectly entitled to move on, just as you have.

madmax · #9 02-24-2002, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I heard through my hometown grapevine that my serious college sweetie is getting married and I don't know why, but I feel weird about it! I'm happily married to a wonderful man, have 2 lovely daughters, a beautiful house...in short I have a great life and I very rarely even think of College Sweetie Guy.

So why is his getting married bothering me? I broke up with him, in fact, not vice versa. All day I have found myself wondering what his fiancee looks like, what kind of ring he got her, etc! lol It's not like I want to be with him or to even see him again. Maybe part of me wanted him to pine away for me for the rest of his life? I'd like to add that we broke up 11 years ago!

Has anything like this happened to any of you?

I went through the same thing. I didnt have any contact with my ex for 5 years and when I heard she was getting married, it felt like someone punched me in the gut. It didnt bother me that we were not together , the thing that bothered me was the fact she was with someone else.

KillarneyRose · #10 02-24-2002, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by amycat412
Is this the same guy that thought CeeCee was a goddess? Take solace in the fact that his judgement with women is impaired and that the only true goddess in his life was YOU.

Indeed, he is the one. Haha, thanks Amycat for that cool breeze of reality!

lifesaver · #11 02-24-2002, 09:21 PM

My sister does the same thing. Is married to a wonderful guy, and her ex treated her like siht. She still askes about him. I look at it like this: Her feelings for "phil" didnt develop overnight, they were together for 5 years, so naturally, feelings will still exist for a while. You cant turn your heart on and off like a light switch.

KarenC725 · #12 02-24-2002, 09:48 PM

My ex is getting married in April. This is the guy that I had dated for 7 years. In a way I feel odd about it since he was such an ass that he doesn't deserve the great girl he's marrying but oh well. Better her than me! I do have to agree with James though, he should have spent the rest of his live pining over me!

James · #13 02-24-2002, 10:14 PM

Hey! Who sings that song:

I'll never get over you (getting over me).

I think that sums it up rather well . . .

Quote:

Originally posted by KarenC725
My ex is getting married in April. This is the guy that I had dated for 7 years. In a way I feel odd about it since he was such an ass that he doesn't deserve the great girl he's marrying but oh well. Better her than me! I do have to agree with James though, he should have spent the rest of his live pining over me!

KarenC725 · #14 02-24-2002, 10:49 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by James
Hey! Who sings that song:

I'll never get over you (getting over me).

I think that sums it up rather well . . .

[/QUOTE

It was Expose that sang that song...

SAEalumnus · #15 02-24-2002, 11:21 PM

KillarneyRose -

He lost out. Now he has to settle for second-best. Don't let it get to you (yeah, I know, easier said than done).