Is This Low Self- Esteem??

#1 02-06-2002, 04:27 PM

OK, so a few weeks back I was talking to some co-workers about one of my friends getting recently engaged. Well we were talking about how her ring doesnt exactly look like an engagement ring. Its not a diamond ring, its a sapphire, and if you just looked at her hand you wouldnt know it was an engagement on, youd think its a normal ring (I can see some unknowing person going "So how come your not wearing your ring").
Anyways, we're all kind of saying that it should have been a diamond or at least cubic zicornia. Normally, I wouldnt be making fun of the ring or anything, but i dislike her finance and only tolerate him as my other friends so because we love her, plau the fact that he bragged that not even the people at Microsoft and Bill Gates could afford the ring, and that he picked it out b/c HE liked it, not her. When she told me she got engaged, how much the ring cost and believe me Bill Gates could afford 10 thousand of them

Anywho, Ive always said I didnt need an engagement ring and that got some stares. Then they started to talk about the rings they wanted and how big the carrats HAD to be... thats when I said ...

Quote:

You be grateful to be getting a ring in the first place? There is no need to be picky or fussy over a ring.

Thats when I was told I have some self -esteem issues. One of them was like it seems like you'll take a ring from anyone, byt that statement. Thats completely not what I meant.
What i meant is .... if this is someone who you truely love and youve wanted to ask that person to marry you, you should be happy that person wants to put a ring on your hand and not bitching b/c of the size, carrats, style whatever of it. Would it be nice to have the ring you want? Sure! But ppl buy what the can afford.
Anyone see where I have low self-esteem here???

FuzzieAlum · #2 02-06-2002, 04:30 PM

I agree 100%! It's the symbolism that matters, not the composition of the ring itself. But I could see how they interpreted what you said as, "Oh, catching any man is such an accomplishment that you should be grateful for whatever he gives you."

If they are picking fiances by the size of the ring, they'll end up with the first rich jerk that comes along.

dzrose93 · #3 02-06-2002, 04:33 PM

It sounds like some of your friends have the problem, not you. You show no signs of having "low self-esteem"... You just aren't materialistic like they are. I understand exactly what you mean. It doesn't matter what the ring looks like or how much it costs -- it's how much you love the person who gave it to you and how much he loves you!

You can be wearing a rock on your finger so big that you need help lifting your hand, but if your guy doesn't love you it's not worth a dime!

#4 02-06-2002, 04:36 PM

I guess in a lil way I can seem them thinking I meant that... but damn, he just looked at me like he pittied me, even after I tried to explain it.

GreekLetterGirl · #5 02-06-2002, 04:45 PM

"You can be wearing a rock on your finger so big that you need help lifting your hand, but if your guy doesn't love you it's not worth a dime! " dzrose93
I have to agree, it doesn't matter if the ring is .005 carats or 500 carats if the ring has meaning and you are in love who cares what other people think!!!

SigkapAlumWSU · #6 02-06-2002, 07:31 PM

I agree totally. What's point of a symbol without the feeling behind it??

PenguinTrax · #7 02-06-2002, 07:43 PM

first of all, I agree with everyone that you don't have a self-esteem problem. Here's a somewhat related engagement ring story:

When we got engaged, I didn't want this big old hunk of shiny stuff on my finger. I'd been engaged before and that damned ring was a source of major problems. When Jon and I decided to get married, all I wanted was a certain wedding band, set with some stones (diamonds and sapphires, which happen to be our birthstones). So, we get engaged, we announce it to the family, etc. Everyone is happy, we're getting notes and phone calls. All is good.

I've got this cousin that is just a nosy-parker. Has to know everything about everyone and you NEVER hear from her unless she wants to know the skinny or dirt. So, about 4 months after we announce our engagement, she calls me. We chit-chat about stuff for a while, then the question comes "How big is your engagement ring? I heard Jon's family is loaded, so I'm sure you got a ROCK". I mean, you can practically hear her drooling she wants this information so bad...

So, I tell her the truth, that I didn't want an engagement ring. My gosh, the silence was deafening..followed by "Why not? Etc." I felt so good throwing her for a loop. I'm sure the minute we hung up the phone (about 30 seconds later), she was on the phone to her mother to report in. This is the same cousin that has this really great hubby, but she berates him all the time. I sat at family dinner with them one night when she was going on (&on&on) about how Jerry was going to buy her a diamond tennis bracelet for her birthday and how she was going to get a carat in EACH EAR for their anniversary. Poor guy just sat there and nodded stupidly.

Moral of the story - stupidity comes in all forms. Be a duck and let it roll off your back.

nucutiepie · #8 02-07-2002, 12:02 AM

My opinion is, each person should get what will make them happy. This doesn't mean you should go expecting a six-carat Harry Winston or whatever. If you don't want an engagement ring, then that's cool. If you want a sapphire or a ruby or an opal or whichever stone, that's cool too. Engagement rings, or even the lack of them, express not only the love between you and your fiance, but something about YOU. In my opinion, its the girls who NEED their fiance to give them a ROCK who have low-self esteem... they have to broadcast to the whole world that they have this man (to make them feel good about themselves?) whereas if you don't need an engagement ring, you are secure enough with yourself to know that YOU love your man... and that's all that really matters when it comes down to it.

As I expressed in another thread, I am a total Charlotte type, and I have my dream ring... an emerald cut diamond in a classic platinum or white gold setting... and I want that ring because I feel like it is something that is very "me" - but if its .25 carats or 25 carats, I don't care, as long as I love the man who presents it to me. I'd rather love a poor man and have a tiny diamond (or even a CZ) than wear a ROCK from a rich man I don't care about.

DeltaBetaBaby · #9 02-07-2002, 12:25 AM

I read in my old bf's TKE guide that they consider it permissible to give their pin as a token of engagement. I have certainly heard of pinning before, I just didn't know any fraternity officially allowed it. I think that would mean so much to me, even if others didn't understand.

h2oot · #10 02-07-2002, 01:21 AM

How does that song go?

If you don't got that ring,
Then it don't mean a thing.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Didn't Marilyn Monroe sing it in some old movie. I guess this is show-girl showeyness of having "the ring" to validate that you made a good catch.

I agree that a "ring" doesn't make for a better marriage or engagement, BUT.... given a choice I'll take one...lol.

KarenC725 · #11 02-07-2002, 09:02 AM

No self esteem issues with you! I have friends who have the carat minimum and I think its crazy. Here's my theory:

:I hope that it is a precious stone (preferably diamond but whatever)
:It cannot come out of a vending machine

After that, I could care less about what it looks like, as long as it is coming from the man I love, who cares?

DeltaBetaBaby · #12 02-07-2002, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by UMgirl

Anyone see where I have low self-esteem here???

I don't think the particular situation means you have low self-esteem, but why did it bother you so much? I think you should take a look at why the comment hurt you.

#13 02-07-2002, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I don't think the particular situation means you have low self-esteem, but why did it bother you so much? I think you should take a look at why the comment hurt you.

ummm it didnt hurt me one bit. It just caught me off guard to hear someone think that about me. I know I dont have it, which is why i was like, ok where is this coming from? I just wanted to see if ppl could see why it was said and what they thought.

AchtungBaby80 · #14 02-07-2002, 06:19 PM

No, believe me, it's not low self-esteem.

Sapphire engagement rings are more common than you think. My dream ring is a sapphire (either solitaire or surrounded by diamonds, but set in white gold or platinum either way). If I remember correctly, Princess Diana had a sapphire engagement ring, didn't she?

But I'm with you. I think that I'd be so thrilled to be engaged I wouldn't care what the damn ring looked like!

ErikaXO · #15 02-07-2002, 11:06 PM

First of all, no it is not low self-esteem.

Second of all, diamond engagement solitaires are an American convention. In Europe oftentimes it is a sapphire or other stone. (Anyone seen the ring Paul McCartney gave Heather Mills? He is worth 1 billion dollars....he could afford a 50 carat stone, and she got a sapphire.

But third, I think you should have what you want WITHIN REASON. Face it....this is something you will wear the rest of your life....it should at least be something you like. I also don't think there is anything wrong with "trading up" or even better, keeping your original and getting something bigger later. I'm a rock girl, for which I can offer no apologies. Actually the whole ring thing was kind of an issue with me and my hubby....I have a pretty nice ring by most people's standards, in fact I have had people comment on how big it is (which never ceases to shock me because I don't think it's so big!) But I still fantasize about something bigger. Basically I just like big chunky jewelry, and I think the most prominent jewel on a woman's body should be her engagement ring because it represents her relationship and that should come first. I think it looks tacky to have this little quarter carat stone and then have a huge one hanging around your neck, but that's just me. But if you refuse someone you love because the ring isn't what you hoped, that is just ridiculous.