The whole rush situation

friendsdiva · #1 02-08-2002, 07:51 PM

Ok, I had a very hard rush experience this past year. I am a freshman at a large state university. I had grown up thinking that being greek was a given when you go to college. I was very excited about this and couldn't wait to become a part of a sorority. I did not go to high school in the same state where I go to college, but I had lived there before in middle school and elementary school. I was kind of nervous since I didn't have any big connections, but I thought that my extensive resume would be enough (danceline capt., cheerleading, band, choir, show choir, theater, salutatorian, National Honor Society, etc.). I also had recs for almost all the sororities and I am a legacy to one. There are around 20 sororities at my school and many, many girls rushing, so that week was pretty crazy. I fell in love with two the sororities. One was the one my mom was in and the other I had a few connections, so I was beginning to feel more comfortable with the situation. Everything was fine until the night of third round. I had gone to my two favorites and had a great time and felt I was surely going to get invited to prefs at both houses. I got a call from my mom though, letting me know that her sorority would not be inviting me back. I was really surprised, but I tried to look on the bright side. I still had my other favorite. I was invited to prefs there and had a great time. The girl that led me around told me that the sorority really wanted me and all I had to do was to write them down and everything would be great. This, of course, made me confident that the next night I would be pledging the sorority I had hoped for. I suicided and thought nothing of it. To my great surprise, however, I received a call at around 11:00 pm from my Rho Chi informing me that I had mismatched. I was devestated. My Rho Chi came over to my dorm to comfort me. That week was one of the worst. It seemed every where I turned I saw a girl wearing a sorority shirt. I did eventually get over it. I made friends with the girls on my hall and got involved in other things on campus.
This past week was informal recruitment. I decided to participate because I still really feel like I belong in a sorority. Unfortunately, the sororities that participated were not ones that I felt fit me. It has just been a very stressful situation. I'm not sure if I should just give up or try again next fall. If anyone has any insight, please let me know.

FuzzieAlum · #2 02-08-2002, 08:43 PM

This maybe isn't much consolation, but what that one sorority member told you is completely "illegal" in the world of rush. Members are not to say anything that could even be miscontrued as promising a bid, or encouraging a girl to suicide. And it sounds like she flat-out did both. But I know that if I was a rushee and a chapter told me to do that, I would trust them.

For that reason alone I might think twice about that particular chapter. Maybe it's just one girl who is "dirty rushing," but maybe not.

I know it took courage to go through informal after your experience, and that shows you are serious about Greek life. I would suggest going through formal rush again if you still want it, hard as it may seem. And I know your instincts might be against this, but don't cut any more houses than you have to - get to know all the chapters as well as you can. If you end up with a bid from somewhere you don't want to go, you can always turn it down. But a chapter can change a lot even in one year.

I'm not someone who believes in fate or that things will always turn out for the best, so, yes, it is possible you will be hurt again. But your high school background sounds strong, and it sounds as if you're very involved now as well. You sound like the sort of woman a sorority should want. If you know any Greek women (in your classes or other organizations), you may want to get to know them better. I don't mean "suck up" but just chat with them. If they know who you are and have a positive impression of you going into rush, that could help you - you'll be someone they know rather than a face in the crowd.

Good luck. Being Greek is a wonderful experience, but so is college, whether or not one is Greek. Whatever happens it sounds like you have the qualities to make the best of your college years and your life.

AGDLynn · #3 02-08-2002, 09:07 PM

I agree with Fuzzy. One factor "against" you may be that you say that you went to a large university. That fact alone may be one reason that you and many other PNMs were not selected. There are only so many sororities with so many openings.

Use the rest of the school year to get to know as many sorority members as you can without seeming to be brown-nosing them. The purpose should be to get to know which sorority you would relate most to and to let the sisters to know you.

You may find that the one of the chapters you didn't think you would like may be one that you come to treasure the most.

Best of luck to you!!

HeavenslilAngel · #4 02-08-2002, 09:29 PM

I'm sorry that your rush experience wasn't as you had hoped. I agree with everyone about going through fall rush once again. IF then you have the same experience as your previous one, I'd suggest starting a local sorority with a few non-greek but want to go go greek friends. It's very hard work and it has its ups and downs, but can be very rewarding and you will fill comfortable and then you can later affiliate with an NPC. That's how my sorority got started and now we are affiliating with an NPC. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

AchtungBaby80 · #5 02-08-2002, 11:28 PM

Maybe this is a dumb question, but how did your mum know you weren't getting invited back?

That, too, seems kinda cold to me--my chapter usually doesn't cut legacies unless we really do not like them, and it has to be a better reason than something like, "Well, she just looked at me funny."

dzsaigirl · #6 02-08-2002, 11:40 PM

Ach, normally when a legacy is cut, their mother or grandmother (the one who made them a legacy) is given the courtesy of being informed of that decision as soon as it is made.

#7 02-08-2002, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
Maybe this is a dumb question, but how did your mum know you weren't getting invited back?

That, too, seems kinda cold to me--my chapter usually doesn't cut legacies unless we really do not like them, and it has to be a better reason than something like, "Well, she just looked at me funny."

In AGD, if a chapter releases a legacy, the advisor has to contact the AGD relative of the legacy to inform her of the legacy's release from membership consideration. All efforts must be taken to contact the relative prior to the distribution of invites to the next round.

tridelta4ever · #8 02-09-2002, 07:57 AM

Friendsdiva,

I am so sorry you had a bad experience with rush. Especially with the legacy thing not working out. However, I'm a firm believer that "everything happens for a reason" and keep in mind that large universities are notoriously tough (even for legacies with perfect backgrounds and tons of recs) I think you should go into fall rush wiser and more confident - hold your head up high and know that no matter what, you are an asset to any sorority. Having been on both sides of rush myself, I can't stress enough the importance of knowing what your assets are - and believing that you will be a contributor to that sorority. A lot of young women come in with the attitude of "what can you do for me" but few go through rush communicating why they're unique, and will be a great sister. Mind you, I'm not saying go in with a mega "yeah me" attitude, but if you really believe inside that you are a special woman with a ton of great qualities, people will naturally be drawn to you and you'll end up happier in the end. I'm not sure if I communicated that very well, but if you have any questions you can always PM me. In any case, you know you have survived it the first time, and I'm sure that now you can really catch their attention. Fuzzie offered wonderful advice - definitely take it to heart. And regarding the dirty rushing - I hate hearing those stories, because most of the time it doesn't work out and the rushee is heartbroken and betrayed. What really sucks is that if someone takes you aside and says that, of course your gut instinct is to trust them. I would hope this was just one girl, but I'd carefully think about whether you want to be a member of that organization. No matter what anyone says to you, go with your gut. That's my advice. Good luck, sweetie.

TrojanGirl · #9 02-09-2002, 04:28 PM

I am sorry to hear about what hapened to you. I agree with what has been said above, with one more thing to add. . .
Get to know the girls on your campus in the greek system, because rush is not always the only time to join. There is "open rush" or continuous open bidding, and the best way to get a bid in a situation like that is to get out there and get known.
If nothing else, getting known lets you make lots of friends, greek or not!

Trojan Girl

GiantsChic · #10 02-11-2002, 02:36 AM

Hey there, I have had such similar experiences! Please send me a note and we'll talk off of the boards... I feel exactly the same way you do and would love to talk if u want...

friendsdiva · #11 02-13-2002, 06:14 PM

Hey everyone. Thanks so much for all your advice. I'm happy to report that I no longer need it though. I had pretty much given up on spring rush until I went to a brunch this past Saturday. I fell in love with the girls there. I was really unsure of what to do, but I ended up getting a bid and accepting it. Yeah! I'm greek now and very excited.

dzrose93 · #12 02-13-2002, 06:19 PM

Congratulations, friendsdiva!

What group did you pledge, if you don't mind me asking!?!?

FuzzieAlum · #13 02-13-2002, 06:20 PM

Congratulations!!!!

h2oot · #14 02-13-2002, 06:21 PM

Congrats! Friendsdiva. You bring a good attitude with you.

friendsdiva · #15 02-13-2002, 06:29 PM

I'm a Delta Gamma!