To all Pikes

Rose8440 · #1 06-05-2001, 11:35 AM

This is a very simple answer but it is also a very important one. For this reason please answer honestly. A friend of mine became pregnant by a Pike at one of the local chapters where she lives. Well he turned out to be a real jerk and left her to join the Air Force. This was 6 months ago and she has still yet to her from him. So here is the question... how do you guys handle a brother who has behaved this way?

Does he lose his pin?

Is he forced to go Alum?

What happens to him mow?

Plese respond so that I can let her know what she can do to make this guy accountable for what he has done to her. It isn't fair that she has had to drop her pin and no one in his Fraternity even knows. Please answer as directly and honestly as possible.

Sincerly,
Alabama Rose

shadokat · #2 06-05-2001, 02:40 PM

I can't imagine a fraternity can do anything to a member in this situation, unless of course it was something criminal. But if two folks decide to have sex, this is one of the outcomes, and both parties deal with it. As Corbin said, she can go after him for child support or such, but I doubt the fraternity would do anything.

Why'd she have to give up her pin?

HeidiHo · #3 06-05-2001, 03:28 PM

What does the frat have to do with their relationship? She should make sure she gets child support, but that's a legal issue, not one with the frat. BTW, how could he join the Air Force & still be an active? If he's not in school anymore, he must have resigned or gone alum, right?
Heidi

s_leigh20 · #4 06-05-2001, 04:03 PM

First off--it is possible to be active and be in the air force/ROTC/ what ever.
Second--SHE SHOULD DEMAND SUPPORT!!
Third--about the pin issue, thats just policy to some people.

Corbin Dallas · #5 06-05-2001, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by s_leigh20:
First off--it is possible to be active and be in the air force/ROTC/ what ever.

yeah, in ROTC, but not active duty, because you aren't an undergrad anymore

------------------
Steve Corbin
Lambda Chi Alpha
Theta Kappa Chapter
Rose-Hulman Inst. of Tech.

veruca76 · #6 06-05-2001, 05:04 PM

Just a note - I know the military is really good about deducting child support payments from paychecks before he even sees them. She just needs to pursue the matter legally and she'll at least get financial support.

33girl · #7 06-05-2001, 07:09 PM

The first thing this girl needs to think about is her upcoming baby, not how to get this guy's fraternity brothers to discipline him or getting her pin back.

For that reason, if he refuses to respond to her on his own, she needs to slap him with a paternity suit. Time for him to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. There is a child coming into the world that needs to be taken care of.

Corbin Dallas · #8 06-06-2001, 12:20 AM

I'm not a Pike, but I would think this would be about the same for any fraternity. As far as I know, they can't do anything, unless maybe the chapter decides to vote on it. I doubt my chapter would do anything, except hassle the guy and tell him to do what's right. She can contact the authorities and demand child support. why does she have to give up her pin?

------------------
Steve Corbin
Lambda Chi Alpha
Theta Kappa Chapter
Rose-Hulman Inst. of Tech.

Pike4Life · #9 06-08-2001, 02:31 PM

I am a Pike, but I'm not answering this post as a Pike, or to defend or condemn my fellow Brother in question. I just want to interject some personal thoughts.

First off, what does this guy's status with Pi Kappa Alpha (or ANY fraternity for that matter) have to do with his responsibilities as a father (deadbeat or otherwise)? Unfortunately, there are thousands of non-Greek affiliated men out there that do this exact same thing...I don't see where this guys affiliation with a fraternity has any bearing in this situation.

Second, I hate to diss your friend, but I think I would need to question her mindset as well. It takes two to tango, and in today's world, anyone that has unprotected sex is taking their own life into their hands. It's not like she didn't understand the dangers of STDs or pregnancy. I'm sorry, but I've been with the same woman for nearly 4 years and we STILL use condoms. Also, was this a guy she had been dating for a while or was it a one-night stand kind of thing?

Anyone who has ever been in this position can tell you that no matter how you think you will handle it before it happens, things are COMPLETELY different when its staring you in the face. I have personally known some people who have vehement opinions about situations like this, but when the situation hits them, their opinions did a 180.

I don't know about other orgs., but I am not aware of any by-law or rule within Pike that forces a man to be expelled from the fraternity due to bad personal decisions. And I think it is a shame that the girls sorority saw fit to ask her to resign. I actually had a Brother who got his girlfriend pregnant, and all she had to do was go alum, but the sorority stuck by her side (as did my Brother) throughout...of course they ended up getting married and are doing great, but that's not the point.

I am sorry your friend is going through this, but as everyone else here has stated, there is not really anything other than peer pressure that this guys fraternity can do to make him do the right thing. If she wants him to be responsible or be a part in this baby's life if she chooses to keep it, then legal action is the best way for her to go. But keep in mind that even if she decided to give the baby up for adoption, she still has to get his permission or signature on the parental rights release.

PLEASE NOTE: With my comments above, I'm not trying to start an abortion debate here, but I just think that every woman should be able to assess her situation and make the best decision for the future of her life and the life she could bring into this world. If your friend is not prepared or able to handle the responsibility of a baby by herself, and this guy will not assist, then she needs to be aware of all her options.

AXO Alum · #10 06-08-2001, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pike4Life:
First off, what does this guy's status with Pi Kappa Alpha (or ANY fraternity for that matter) have to do with his responsibilities as a father (deadbeat or otherwise)? Unfortunately, there are thousands of non-Greek affiliated men out there that do this exact same thing...I don't see where this guys affiliation with a fraternity has any bearing in this situation.

DITTO - I was thinking the exact same thing!!

#11 06-08-2001, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXO Alum:
DITTO - I was thinking the exact same thing!!

Ditto on your ditto AXO Alum. I think she was just trying to make the Pikes look bad.

Rose8440 · #12 06-09-2001, 07:29 PM

I need to clear one thing up... this was just a question of curiousity. The reason that she wanted to know if the fraternity took any action was because she wanted SOMEONE to hold this guy responsible. He left her at 7 months pregnant, went to a neighboring city and no one knew anything about it. It wasn't right for him to be able to go off and live his life carefree (possibly even get another girl pregnant) and for her to have to face everyone with the mistake that they both made. This was the reason for the question.

In answer to some of your questions:
yes, she did know the risk of having sex with this guy. That is why she chose to keep the baby. He, on the other hand offered an abortion so that he would not have to face the consequences of his actions.

Yes, they had known and dated each other for a long time. They went to high school together and dated off and on during the four years. When they had both graduated and came home from school off at college, they saw each other again and began dating. It was during this 4 month interim that things "happened". So no, it was not a one night stand.

The baby is now almost 3 months old and he has still yet to contact her. I'm sorry, but that is just not right; he knew her due date and never even bothered to see how either of them were.At least she was responsible for her actions as he on the other hand was not.

HeidiHo · #13 06-09-2001, 08:03 PM

HE'S a jerk, not his fraternity, not his brothers, not his mom, but him. The legal system will hold him responsible.
Heidi

newbie · #14 06-09-2001, 08:05 PM

Hey Rose,

I'm really sorry that your friend is struggling right now, being a single mother...but I think it's kinda odd that she would want the Pikes to do something very significant about it (force him to go Alum, etc.).

Wouldn't it be strange if my boyfriend got me pregnant (which I hope will never happen unless we get married in the future or something), and I wished retaliation by asking the baseball and football teams, which he belongs to, to kick him off?? That doesn't make any sense. Yes, his baseball and football coaches mandate their players to uphold moral and academic standards, but a mistake (albeit a huge one) usually can't equal being kicked off, or being sat down for a game. Nor does a mistake equal a player's Varsity Letters to be taken away.

Though such a huge mistake would make any team look bad (a fraternity, in this case), it's not fair for one guy's personal life to affect an organization's standing/reputation.

Sure the Pikes can try to encourage him to pay for the baby and take up responsibility, and such, but I think she needs to focus all her energy on getting HIM, not his chapter/fraternity, to take up responsibility. Though it seems like he wants no part of it whatsoever.

Anyway, I wish the best of luck to your friend! I'm really sorry that this had to happen.

[This message has been edited by newbie (edited June 09, 2001).]

Pike4Life · #15 06-12-2001, 12:50 AM

I am truely sorry about your friend's situation and I understand her frustration. However, if the guy offered to pay for an abortion then your friend should have had an idea that he didn't want the responsibility of a baby right now. I am sure that his behavior during the early stages of this situation had to be a warning signal to her that he wasn't willing to stick around. If their relationship soured because of the baby and the arguement of whether or not to keep it, then your friend should have had a pretty good warning that this guy would not stand by her or be willing to support a baby.

I know too many guys immediately spout out that abortion is the answer to an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy, but not all guys do it because they are selfish (like this guy apparently is). Anytime there is a question about bringing another life into this world, I think that everyone involved should take a long, hard SERIOUS look at whether or not that baby will be provided for and how prepared the parents are to shoulder the responsibility of caring for another life. Some people are just not able or prepared to take on such a responsibility, especially when the pregancy is an accident. In cases such as that, it may be a more rational decision to have the abortion. I know most everyone has very strong feelings or opinions about abortion, and I'm not trying to start a Flamer here.

I just know of several friends who had to deal with just this decision, myself included. Some may call it selfishness, but I personally do not want to bring another life into this world unless I am capable and prepared to provide for that life to the fullest of my abilities. It is apparent that this guy was not mature enough or MAN enough to take responsibility for his actions. I feel that your friend really needs to pursue legal action against the father in order to gain support. There are programs that will garnish his wages and take a child support payment straight out of his paycheck. There are some guys that will NEVER take responsibility for their part in having a child...they don't want to see it, talk to it or even THINK about it. It's a way that many of the JERKS in the world deal with things...if they can't see it, it doesn't exist. I am sorry your friend didn't see this guy's true colors until it was too late.

The biggest concern here should be about this baby. Please tell me that it is being cared for and provided with all the necessary things that babies need. I applaud your friend for having the courage to take responsibility for her mistakes, but I just hope that during her quest for support from the father she doesn't loose sight of the most important thing - the health and well being of that innocent life.