coworkers and facebook

[ASUADPi]

Let me preface by apologizing for the length of the post.

I thought about posing my "situation" in careers and employment but it really isn't an employment question.

Some background (before I post my question)....

I started at my new school district in July. I met my new team in May, prior to school getting at but it was very simple introductions. I didn't truly "meet" them until we had a summer institute in July.

I'm between 5-10 years older than everyone else on the team. I also have more teaching experience than all of them combined. Now I'm not saying that I'm this super amazing teacher, I learn new things everyday.

It has been hard coming to this team for a couple of reasons. One, the team lead, I'll call her Alice, doesn't know how to handle collaboration (even though collaboration is in our school mission statement). She is very much used to "this is what I say goes". She was able to behave like this because the 13-14 school year, everyone else on the team was a 1st year teacher, while she had a whopping 2 years under her belt. The rest of the team just went with the flow and NEVER questioned her. Well, I come in, with my 10+ years of experience and I question things. I'm not questioning to be a pain but truly because I need explanation and to understand why they do the things they do. I also very much feel that their needs to be collaboration and not just Alice feeling she can "boss" us around (as she isn't my boss, she is my coworker).

Needless to say I've been pulled into my principals office because my "team" (I use this very loosely) has complained to him about me. Alice bitched because of how I "spoke" to her in an email. The other team members complained that I wouldn't take my kids out to recess (after they just had recess an hour prior).

Things came to a head about 2 months ago, when my other coworker, I'll call her Debra, her son shit his pants in my room. Yes, her son was in my class and I had sent him to the restroom around 2pm and between 2pm and us going home at 3, he shit his pants and didn't inform me that he needed to use the restroom. Well Debra's MIL took her son home so she didn't know about the situation until she got home around 5:30. Now instead of calling me (as she does have my cell number) she listened to the ranting and raving of her MIL and husband. She then proceeded to tell the rest of the grade level that it was my fault. She came into work on Wednesday, with husband in tow, and wanted my head. I found out from the principal what went down after school that day. My principal "investigated" and determined that I was not at fault and ordered Debra to "fix it", as the rest of the team ignored me on Thursday and Friday because they believed her and refused to ask me what really happened.

Things haven't been the same with the team since. Debra still doesn't talk to me unless she absolutely has too. Alice is constantly bitching about me to admin and pretty much anyone who will listen (as people tell me).

Now with all that background, here is where the situation in question comes in and where I need advice.

On December 19th, it was our last day of school prior to break. I saw my team at specials and at lunch. Not once was I approached to say "hey we want to get a grade level picture". I get home from work that day and go on facebook and am shocked (and then pissed) to discover that the 5 member so my team took a "team" picture, posted it all over facebook with the 'header' "best first grade team ever!".

Mutual friends asked me 'why aren't you in the picture'. Yeah I didn't know what to say.

This is the 2nd time, these women have deliberately left me out of a team picture and then plastered it all over social media.

Now, I emailed my principal and explained that I'm done dealing with these women. I'm done placating them. I'm done coddling them. I'm just done. I will be respectful at work but that is it. I'm tired of trying to make nicey-nice with women who refuse to be respectful to me.

The reality is, I could give a rats ass if they took a picture, what pisses me off is that they plastered it all over facebook and then said "best team ever" and they kind of forgot that I'm part of the damn team!

With all that being said, I'm not sure if it is appropriate for me to remove Debra and Alice as my facebook friends. They are the ringleaders of the rest of the group. I truly have no desire for these women to be in my life outside of work, but I also don't want my work life to become more hellish if I do "defriend" them and not the other 3 women.

I could really use some advice and just what to do.

[33girl]

"Hey Alice/Deborah/insert other team member names here - please don't take this personally, but I'm defriending everyone from work and making my fb super private. One of my good friends from college just got fired from her teaching job because of something she posted on fb and it has me a little freaked out. Like I said absolutely nothing personal!! Thanks hon "

They'll chalk it up to you being old and a worrywart, but you probably are way better off not having friends who are coworkers esp in your profession. That's what LinkedIn is for.

[Sciencewoman]

Honestly, this is not boding well for the long-term. You're new, there are 5 of them. They've sent you a message, loud and clear, and the principal will not want to deal with the drama.

[UGAalum94]

Yeah, I think I'd look for a way to move to a different school at the end of the year or at the very least ask to move to a different grade level so you get a totally new team. Nobody needs more co-worker drama or people undermining them at work, and since it sounds like a somewhat unpleasant team that you don't benefit professionally from, move on if possible.

And personally, I'd recommend the unfollow facebook option. That way you can basically avoid seeing their mean girls crap but don't have to do it in a way that shows up to them. I think you benefit more from just rising above than engaging with their shenanigans at any level. 33girl's option is a good one too, but unless you really do unfriend everyone from work, school gossip will reveal to them that you selectively unfriended people.

In my experience, principals really value people who do a good job in the classroom who don't create more work for them. (That's probably true of all managers really.)

They also seem to value a lack of interpersonal drama more than they value the high level fruits that might come of resolving the conflicts created by engaged collaboration. They don't really care if they have collaborative teams or grade level dictators and minions who unthinkingly follow the instructors of dictators, but they do care if they have to keep resolving interpersonal conflicts about co-workers.

So basically, I think what's in your professional best interest is pretending to accept your place in the pack professionally, doing whatever you really think is best in your classroom while nodding along at collaborative meetings, and not reacting to immature jerks acting like teenagers on social media. And then starting with a totally different team in the easiest way you can as soon as possible.

[Smile_Awhile]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

And personally, I'd recommend the unfollow facebook option. That way you can basically avoid seeing their mean girls crap but don't have to do it in a way that shows up to them. I think you benefit more from just rising above than engaging with their shenanigans at any level. 33girl's option is a good one too, but unless you really do unfriend everyone from work, school gossip will reveal to them that you selectively unfriended people.

This. A former coworker selectively unfriended people from my office, and it just led to further drama. Unfollowing manages to keep your sanity and "rise above".

[33girl]

I guess I'm not quite understanding what a "team" is as far as school is concerned? Are all the science teachers or all the 4th grade teachers a team or what? Shouldn't the whole school be a team?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I guess I'm not quite understanding what a "team" is as far as school is concerned? Are all the science teachers or all the 4th grade teachers a team or what? Shouldn't the whole school be a team?

The whole school is a team on some level, but you often work with much smaller groups for specific curriculum or planning issues. You can make teams different ways: sometimes by content area, sometimes by grade level, sometimes by content and grade level if your school is big enough.

The idea is that is a small enough group of people who teach the same thing that it's useful to plan together or refine lessons together. Or sometimes you have vertical teaming to develop the progression of what's taught in a specific area over several years.

I'm in about my 20th year and would say in my experience forcing team collaboration picked up steam in the last 10 years. I think teachers have always done it informally, but making sure that you compelled teachers to collaborate whether they thought it was the best use of their time or not really only became a thing in my district five or six years ago. It can be very helpful depending on where you are in your career, how honestly you trust each other, the philosophies and egos of the individuals involved. It can be an absolute professional nightmare as well.

[Splash]

LOL. All that leading up to the earth-shattering question "should I de-friend someone on Facebook?" I have a strict no social media contact with coworkers rule simply to protect both their and my personal business, however if you are already friends, my suggestion is to change them to limited profile. It will offer the best of both worlds. You can limit what they see of you and what you see of them, without the immature backlash "she de-friended me!"

[als463]

I agree with what's already been said. Make it limited profile views for these people but, don't de-friend them. That may cause a lot more drama that you just don't need. Be cordial and remember that you already have tons of great friends who like you so, you don't have to be best buddies---you just have to be respectable co-workers.

[HQWest]

You are the new guy on a team that's been together a couple of years? Find out what happened to whomever you replaced? Principle might start to realize who the true problem is.

(Also warn 2nd grade team about Debra's son?)

[amanda6035]

I have ALL of my co-workers on my restricted list so they can't see anything that I haven't allowed to be viewed publicly, and I un-follow anybody who's drama I don't want to see in my newsfeed.

[ASUADPi]

I took your guys advice and put the members of my team on facebook "restricted" status.

My principal is WELL AWARE of the issues with my team.

The team only came together last year. The person I replaced went to a different school.

I have already indicated to my principal that if I'm lucky enough to be offered a contract next year, that I would like to be in a different position.

[sigmadiva]

I agree with the above posts. I am going to tell you something you may not want to hear - Quit your bitchin', keep your mouth closed, and get the "lay" of the land.

When working with your team, you are working with other professional adults. You may not agree with them or like their ways, but you are going to need to figure out how to get along with them for the rest of the school year. You walked into an already established group. It is up to YOU to figure out how to fit in with them.

If you noticed that your team leader was intimidated by you asking questions, then I would have backed off and just observed how things are being run.

Your other team members are probably aware of your experience and they can guess your age. Unfortunately, instead of appreciating the experience you have, they are intimidated by it.

The only people who can truly benefit from your experience are the students you teach in your classroom.

[Sen's Revenge]

Those bitches are bullies and I hope you continue to document what they've been doing to you. Ole hatin ass bitches. I can't stand to hear shit like this. That's why Debra's son can't even control his bowels.

[KSUViolet06]

^^^LOL. I hate you so much.