I wonder.................

[exquizit]

It's been a while since I started a thread GC, but I'm dying to hear your opinions on this one.............


At work today, both men and women were chatting about a woman and man's role in the household and their responsibilities.
One man said he felt that a man should supply all of his woman's needs while another man said he felt everything should be 50/50. His exact words were:

"Ain't no way in hell Imma be workin all my life just to pay bills and not beable to buy MYSELF nice things, while my wife will have all of her money free to do whatever the hell she wants. We're splittin everything right down the middle."

My question is this...................

Should it be 50/50?
If so how would you handle it?
Joint account or taking equal portions out of single accounts to pay each bill?
If the woman pays 50% will she be 50% of the head of household?

[abaici]

Not married, but I have an opinion. This is one of those difficult issues you and your man work out in pre-marital counseling. While I want to say that you should just pool your money in a joint account and do your thing, it's unrealistic. Money is the main cause of divorce (or at least one of the top three). I believe that contributing money into a joint account for household bills and then having a separate account for yourself is a good idea. However, I personally do not want to work once I have children. What happens in that case? I don't know. Interesting thread.

[Professor]

As head of the household, I think the man has the responsibility to make final decisions. However, based on the questions, we should look at the age group that we are talking about. Women today, such as the beautiful women of Alpha Kappa Alpha, are apt to make as much if not more money than their counterpart. I saw couples should have a household - to purchase things for the house but one should also maintain individual saving, joint saving and individual checking checking accounts. As a man I plan to be a provider but that does not mean that wify can't also pay bills. Also, I don't like this 50/50 stuff. Marriage is not 50/50 - one will always give more than the other just like one will make more than the other. The key is to work jointly to acquire, save and thus have a complete life.

[ladygreek]

Originally posted by Professor
As head of the household, I think the man has the responsibility to make final decisions.

Oh My!!! And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

[miss priss]

Originally posted by ladygreek


Oh My!!! And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Egad! Really!....

However, this is a debate in my own marriage and it is quite a headache..
Final decisions regarding the household should be made TOGETHER. The vows state "and the two become as one". One body, one heart , one decision.

I believe that based on your income you should contribute at least
40-60% of your take home pay in a joint account which handles ALL financial obligations of the House(hold). (Yes, I make more...but who cares...) The rest you should do with it what you wish ..stocks, bonds, personal savings etc.
My husband wants to know exactly how much the bill is and give me the money (cool, huh...NOT!) or pay it himself like we are roommates or something. To me this method allows for no joint savings or long-term investments such as college tuition for my daughter. It is purely "whim" spending.

Unfortunately, we are in such a litigous society that we don't even trust the spouse to make joint decisions or even pool resources together to make it work. Notice that couples who work together stay together.

[MsAKAdemics]

I am not married but!

I believe that the bills should be split but the person who makes the most money should pay more on a sliding scale. Its not fair in my opinion to split the bills 50/50 and one person makes 10 + thousand more. If and when I get married I plan to have my own personal bank account. As far as decisions, I think they should all be made together 50/50.

[Kimmie1913]

THis is an interesting thread. For me, I am used to the way my parents have done it. THey really do treat everything as theirs, not his or hers. They have several join acounts and some smaller individual ones. Everyone knows everything about what happens witht he others money. My mom is the one who actually pays all the bills each month (my dad is too much of a workaholic and too scatterbrained to stay on top of it) but he ppays the credit cards that are in his name only. If you ask me, ny mom always seemed to basically have veto rights over decision but really the do make all biig decisions together. They have always been partners in their marriage. No one is the "HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD" figure. They are the team co-captains and my brother and I have been the players. They have saved for thir long term goals and retirement together. They do not get into I make more so its my money so I get the final say kind of squabbles.

Oh...and they have been married 36 years. 37 in April.

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by Professor
As head of the household, I think the man has the responsibility to make final decisions. However, based on the questions, we should look at the age group that we are talking about. Women today, such as the beautiful women of Alpha Kappa Alpha, are apt to make as much if not more money than their counterpart. I saw couples should have a household - to purchase things for the house but one should also maintain individual saving, joint saving and individual checking checking accounts. As a man I plan to be a provider but that does not mean that wify can't also pay bills. Also, I don't like this 50/50 stuff. Marriage is not 50/50 - one will always give more than the other just like one will make more than the other. The key is to work jointly to acquire, save and thus have a complete life.

I guess I will get in the dark ages with the Professor My husband sees me as an equal partner in our relationship(and I am--we just have different roles). As a matter of fact, he realizes that I am wiser in financial matters that he , so he frequently defers to my judgement. He is, however, according to the Bible, the head of our household and is responsible for me and my well being. If "we" are not good stewards of that which God has intrusted us God is going to hold HIM accountable, not me (see Adam and Eve in the garden). When we reach an impasse he makes the final decision. Is that always easy for me? Heck naw! But I am still growing and so is he.

We had 2 accounts for a long time, but now we have 1 checking account and 1 savings account. All of our money is pooled. We each get an 'allowance' to spend as we see fit and are supposed to check in with the other before major purchases. We're still working on that one though and is the source of much consternation on my part!

[GroovePhi62]

Well being that i am located here in Chicago, if you just moved here from somewhere else and took the commuter train you would assume that Black men didn't work anywhere. On my daily commute on the Metra (no matter what line) there are approximately 90% Sisters(80% whom are married or engaged) compared to Black men (20% married or engaged, can't really tell without a wedding band) and White men to whitewomen 70%-30%. Hmm whats wrong with this picture. The financial strcture in marriage has changed so much in the last few decades that we are going through a strange evolution of events. Black men on one hand are being told from birth to be providers of the home, to be the financial wizard of the family and lastly to be the spiritual leader. But on the flipside Black women are not being taught the roles they have been taught for centuries, instead they are told to follow your own path, do not be subservient to some man, and make enough money to take care of your family (this does not include husband...kids only). So here we come at a crossroads where you have Black women thinking one way about how a relationship should be and the Black Man thinking the other. Our counterparts don't seem to have this problem though....they on the other understand the team concept and understand the terms "we" and "our". In most Black marriages that I know personally, they're still talking about "my money" or "my stuff". So on the economic front we have a two signifigant incomes coming into the household but on the other hand some people still want "the good old days" where the man was the breadwinner and handled everything...
I don't think that's fair do you?

[CrimsonTide4]

This brings to mind an old thread that was really a blessing to me even as I am in the MIDST of SINGLEHOOD

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...age+and+shalom

I agree that finances are something that should be discussed before marriage begins.

MEN are to be the head of the household (Biblical mandate) and this is something that I know I will have to work on as a woman who grew up with a STRONG, DOMINEERING mother.

In response the original question:

Household expenses = My husband and I designate a certain percentage of our yearly income for household expenses that are deposited into a joint account. The certain percentage should be fair to both parties. For instance if my husband makes $100K and I make $50K -- it is fair to state that 20% of our yearly income goes into the household fund. It is not an equitable amount, but it is an equitable sacrifice on our parts. However if my husband, Big B. Aller says to me "honey KEEP YOUR HARD EARNED $$$ and I will pay all the bills," I will HAPPILY AGREE!!

**Household expenses TO ME means MORTGAGE, Utilities, money to improve house, groceries, etc.

We will both create the bills, therefore we should both pay them.

No matter what the husband and wife decide, God should be consulted and it should be as fair as possible.

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
This brings to mind an old thread that was really a blessing to me even as I am in the MIDST of SINGLEHOOD

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...age+and+shalom

CT4, I thought about this thread too, but since I was at work I could not take the time to look for it. Thanks for bringing it back up! I need to print that sucker out and chew on some of my own words for a minute.... Dang, I shol' do miss Shalom2U!!

[SkeeWee14]

Reading all of this is making me glad that I didn't get married when I had the chance. This stuff is really scary! I always hear men talk about being the head of the household (when in reality it's the wife who does all the work). I'm starting to think that the title of "Head of the Houshold" is just a figurehead with a man's face on it. I personally believe that if a man is going to demand that title than he should be prepared to live up to its meaning. By that I mean he should pay the mortgage, utilities and cut the grass every other weekend. I'll buy the food and might even cook from time to time (lol). Not to mention take care of the kids and their needs such as clothing and things of that nature. Anyone who has children knows how expensive school clothes can be...and those little jokers refuse to stop growing every six months. In MY ideal world I would love to have a husband whom I can trust to handle all of the responsibilies of the house, but in reality I know that the chance of that are slim to none at best.

[Gyrl7]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
This brings to mind an old thread that was really a blessing to me even as I am in the MIDST of SINGLEHOOD

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...age+and+shalom

I agree that finances are something that should be discussed before marriage begins.

MEN are to be the head of the household (Biblical mandate) and this is something that I know I will have to work on as a woman who grew up with a STRONG, DOMINEERING mother.

In response the original question:

Household expenses = My husband and I designate a certain percentage of our yearly income for household expenses that are deposited into a joint account. The certain percentage should be fair to both parties. For instance if my husband makes $100K and I make $50K -- it is fair to state that 20% of our yearly income goes into the household fund. It is not an equitable amount, but it is an equitable sacrifice on our parts. However if my husband, Big B. Aller says to me "honey KEEP YOUR HARD EARNED $$$ and I will pay all the bills," I will HAPPILY AGREE!!

**Household expenses TO ME means MORTGAGE, Utilities, money to improve house, groceries, etc.

We will both create the bills, therefore we should both pay them.

No matter what the husband and wife decide, God should be consulted and it should be as fair as possible.

Ditto

[mccoyred]

Well, my situation is a little different than some. I work and my husband is a stay-at-home dad (read: disabled/retired). We make have been married for almost 10 years.

We make decisions jointly and seperately according to our spheres of influence. For example, I do the scheduling (trips, doctors appts, etc) and he does the transport. I attend the parent-teacher and PTA events, he transports the children (and me!) back and forth to school. He makes decisions about the car and I write out the monthly bills. He does the dishes and I do the laundry. Really big decisions like where we are going to move when we buy our next house and what shcool to send the children to are made jointly.

We each have our own savings accounts, checking accounts and credit accounts but all of our money initially goes into our joint accounts. At times, we need to remember our agreements but it works out.

I would like to comment on the remark (Professor?) about the man being the head of the household. In theory, it sounds great but let's face it, some very good men make some poor decisions. Add that to the fact that many women earn more and may be more financially savvy than their spouses (who have other excellent qualities), it is not practical to allow the men to make some final decisions that may be detrimental to the overall well-being of the family. A smart woman knows when to defer to her man and knows when to put her foot down; a foolish one tries to always be in control or gives up control entirely or in the wrong arena.

There was another comment about sisters working and white women staying home and the conclusion about teamwork between the sexes. I beleive the conclusion was that sisters don't know how to let a man be a man.

To that, I say that I have more earning power than my husband so why shouldn't I work? Why should I sacrifice my family's standard of living simply because my husband wants to be the bread winner? Heaven forbid he gets laid off, ill or killed! Then where would me and my children be? Maybe running after some other man to take care of me and my 'baggage' - NOT!

Unfortunately, it looks like the pendulum has swung too far from women totally depending on a man (our mother's generation) to a woman not 'needing' a man at all (our genereation). Either is dangerous; we must know when to assert control and when to backoff.

Sorry I was so longwinded but this is something I am confronted with on a daily basis.

[Wonderful1908]

This is an interersting thread. In my house we spilt the bills 50/50 kinda like roomates We have joint checking and savings account. All the household expenses like rent, utilities, groceries, etc. are paid with the household account. I am in charge of bills and I basically add the totals and divide it in half. The exception is the rent which I pay only a third of, because I carry our son on my health insurance I don't know how I like the plan, my fiancee is clueless about the bills outside of what I tell him. When it comes to money I think that anybody should want to be informed about where there money is going, but he is like whatever. However next month he will make a comment like "I thouht I gave you the money for that", well hello if you would pay attention you would know. Whatever is left after we pay the bills and the savings is ours to do whatever. I have my money and he has his, so that part is cool. We do really treat things like his and hers but I can't think of a more realistic plan.