Rejected by My Sorority

[krose28]

I joined a sorority at my school as a freshman not knowing I was going to transfer. Making the decision to transfer was difficult but I ended up making it spring quarter of my freshman year. As soon as I made it into my current school, I reached out to my sorority. It took them months to respond to me and when they did they kept referring me to other people in the sorority, sending me in circles. The chapter advisor herself never responded to me until I contacted nationals and they emailed me. After being at school for 4 weeks and being in touch with the sorority for 3 months, I was finally able to meet one of the girls. She was director of COB and even admitted in the meeting that she was appointed to the position and didn't want it. She brought one of her friends from the chapter with her and didn't seem interested in getting to know me at all. Two weeks later the chapter voted on me, and the only information that they had was the opinion of the girl I met and a 350 word paper they had me write. Basically, I had to get a majority vote from 150 girls based on the opinion of only one person that had met me. I was rejected, and now because of NPC rules I can't join any other sorority.
I feel disrespected by the chapter at my school and feel that they gave me even less opportunity to introduce myself than PNMs get during recruitment even though I am a sister. My problem is that I don't feel that I should be held to the lifelong commitment if my sorority does not uphold their part of the bargain. They give the chapter the ability to decide on transfers because different chapters are different at other schools, but they do not give the girl the same ability. My sorority also said that I can resign and send back everything sorority related I have and then I will have no affiliation with them, but even then I cannot join another sorority.

[Sciencewoman]

You cannot join another NPC sorority, no matter how unfairly you feel you've been treated. The rules apply to all members of NPC sororities. There are no extenuating circumstances that will change this rule for anyone.

Your best option at this point is to remain in good standing with your sorority and become an active alumna. There's always the possibility that a chapter won't be interested in affiliating transfer sisters. Perhaps you could get to know the members better and they could vote again later, but if you've annoyed them, reported them, etc., that ship may have sailed. At this point, avoid aggravating your sorority further. This isn't a situation that can be remedied by making yourself appear less sisterly. Don't burn any more bridges.

As someone who transferred and affiliated, I think it is wise to reach out to the new chapter ahead of time. Be friendly, sisterly, enthusiastic, and see what kind of vibe you get back. I think this is a better strategy than making contact once you've already transferred, because you can't assume all chapters will be equally welcoming to transfer sisters. Frankly, if they're not, forcing the issue probably won't result in a happy experience anyway.

[Low D Flat]

After being at school for 4 weeks and being in touch with the sorority for 3 months, I was finally able to meet one of the girls.

It sounds like she made contact as soon as she was accepted at the new school. OP, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. I hope you can find other ways to get involved and make friends at your new school.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by krose28

I joined a sorority at my school as a freshman not knowing I was going to transfer. Making the decision to transfer was difficult but I ended up making it spring quarter of my freshman year. As soon as I made it into my current school, I reached out to my sorority. It took them months to respond to me and when they did they kept referring me to other people in the sorority, sending me in circles. The chapter advisor herself never responded to me until I contacted nationals and they emailed me. After being at school for 4 weeks and being in touch with the sorority for 3 months, I was finally able to meet one of the girls. She was director of COB and even admitted in the meeting that she was appointed to the position and didn't want it. She brought one of her friends from the chapter with her and didn't seem interested in getting to know me at all. Two weeks later the chapter voted on me, and the only information that they had was the opinion of the girl I met and a 350 word paper they had me write. Basically, I had to get a majority vote from 150 girls based on the opinion of only one person that had met me. I was rejected, and now because of NPC rules I can't join any other sorority.
I feel disrespected by the chapter at my school and feel that they gave me even less opportunity to introduce myself than PNMs get during recruitment even though I am a sister. My problem is that I don't feel that I should be held to the lifelong commitment if my sorority does not uphold their part of the bargain. They give the chapter the ability to decide on transfers because different chapters are different at other schools, but they do not give the girl the same ability. My sorority also said that I can resign and send back everything sorority related I have and then I will have no affiliation with them, but even then I cannot join another sorority.

Actually, you do have the ability to decide. You decide whether or not to try to affiliate. Each individual NPC sorority has its own policy on affiliations. Some require a chapter vote, others do not. I have seen affiliations that were very successful, and others that did not work out. One member had to resign her membership after affiliating because she had financial difficulties. Had she not affiliated, she would have remained a member (although not an active at the school where she transferred).

I'm really sorry that it didn't work out for you, but I would give serious consideration to NOT resigning.

[sinfonia_H-O]

Out of curiosity....depending on the sorority, would the OP be able to be involved with the national or international on a bigger scale than just her school?

Are there any district volunteer positions that she could be involved in so that she was still active with the sorority in whole?

I ask becuase I had a similar situation where I transferred schools also and the chapter of my fraternity at the new school was a really old chapter and they acted as if they were autonomous from the national fraternity and all....giving me the talk that even thought we have the same letters, "at our school they mean something different and special...."

So, I just became very active on a national scale and served on a committee and was able to enjoy my undergrad experience on a national scale rather than just at that school.

Just a thought.

[Titchou]

Her best option at this point would be to investigate joining a local alumnae chapter to gain more experience within her group.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by sinfonia_H-O

Out of curiosity....depending on the sorority, would the OP be able to be involved with the national or international on a bigger scale than just her school?

Are there any district volunteer positions that she could be involved in so that she was still active with the sorority in whole?

I ask becuase I had a similar situation where I transferred schools also and the chapter of my fraternity at the new school was a really old chapter and they acted as if they were autonomous from the national fraternity and all....giving me the talk that even thought we have the same letters, "at our school they mean something different and special...."

So, I just became very active on a national scale and served on a committee and was able to enjoy my undergrad experience on a national scale rather than just at that school.

Just a thought.

QFP.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave/when first we practice to deceive"

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by Low D Flat

It sounds like she made contact as soon as she was accepted at the new school. OP, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. I hope you can find other ways to get involved and make friends at your new school.

I'm talking about face-to-face contact, stopping by the house and introducing yourself before transferring...actually meeting people. Alumnae and sisters from other chapters do this. This is a situation that calls for in-person interaction, which the OP admits. She met 2 sisters, but the rest of her contact seems to have been calls and/or emails to the chapter and nationals. And, it "escalated" to complaining to nationals, which probably led to a negative reaction from the chapter before the vote.

As sad as this is for the OP, I think there is a cautionary tale here for others who are interested in transferring/affiliating.

[KDCat]

What Sciencewoman said. Chapters always need alumnae volunteers. You should volunteer to help behind the scenes with recruitment and philanthropy events. If alumnae are allowed to attend chapter, you should go to some chapter meetings. Tell people that you are available to help out.

If you contact the chapter advisory board, they can direct you to stuff that you can help with.

Good luck!

[irishpipes]

It may be possible for her to volunteer with Panhellenic as well. I transferred and was able to help with recruitment from the Panhellenic angle.

[AZTheta]

^^^Probably not able to help with recruitment since there is an active chapter at the school she's attending - but otherwise, that's a great idea, to get involved with Panhellenic! I think at this point she may be best off to turn her sights away from the collegiate angle and explore other avenues.

Perhaps in a year she may have the opportunity to affiliate, if she's made friends within the chapter. It IS possible to turn a negative impression into a positive, but it sure takes work.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

This isn't the question you asked, but I do just want to say there could be a lot of reasons that a chapter would vote not to accept a transfer, and many of them are not personal. Try not to feel like this is a judgement on you as a person.

[irishpipes]

^ Great point. Also, the chapter may not have been familiar with transfer procedures. The OP probably won't ever know exactly what happened, but it could have nothing to do with her personally so to give up her membership would be a shame.

[Katmandu]

I am really sorry this happened to you. I would feel rejected and sad too. I agree, maybe the chapter has never had a transfer affiliate in recent memory, maybe they are socially awkward, maybe you dodged a big bullet.

Check out local alumni groups, and stay involved if you can. Alumni membership is great fun. Opportunities abound, and you never know where you might end up.

My chapter had the opportunity to affiliate a transfer student second semester of her junior year. Despite her short time in our chapter, she ended up being one of my best buds in the house, and I loved welcoming her to our chapter. I am sorry the same didn't happen for you, but seriously, you may have dodged a bullet. I would hate to be assigned an essay rather than talk in person!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

I'm talking about face-to-face contact, stopping by the house and introducing yourself before transferring...actually meeting people. Alumnae and sisters from other chapters do this. This is a situation that calls for in-person interaction, which the OP admits. She met 2 sisters, but the rest of her contact seems to have been calls and/or emails to the chapter and nationals. And, it "escalated" to complaining to nationals, which probably led to a negative reaction from the chapter before the vote.

As sad as this is for the OP, I think there is a cautionary tale here for others who are interested in transferring/affiliating.

Bolded times a bazillion.

Yes, this sucks. But what would suck more is if they had "accepted" you into the chapter and you paid dues - and were treated the same way.