Dependant Women?

DOVE1920 · #1 01-22-2002, 08:04 PM

Lately I've noticed that there has been an emphasis on being an independant woman. This means: having a job, paying your own bills and whatever else falls under being self-reliant. However, is there anything wrong with wanting to be a housewife and rely on your husband for monetary support?

SoTrue1920 · #2 01-22-2002, 08:54 PM

In my opinion, the best legacy of the women's movement is that it gave women choices. Some of us choose to enter the workforce, be breadwinners, etc. Some of us choose to stay at home and/or raise children. The problem comes in when we look at each other from behind our choices and assume that just because someone is doing something differently than I am, that must mean she thinks I'm not as good as she is.

Having said all of that

, I think that if a woman decides to be a homemaker, it's every bit as valid an occupation as a woman who decides to pursue a profession.

CkretCrush8 · #3 01-22-2002, 09:27 PM

I wouldn't being a housewife; however, because of the person that I am and the skills that I have I don't think I could just limit myself to that. I think about women who are housewives and when something happens to their husbands, they lose it and definitely become lost because they don't know what to do. I refuse to be like that. I want to be an active member of my household. I think that when my husband and I have children I may stay home for a few months but not forever. That just isn't me.

discrete1 · #4 01-23-2002, 12:05 AM

Personally, I feel as though it is perfectly fine to be a housewife if you choose to do just that. BUT!! we all need security in our lives. If something were to happen to our spouse we need something to fall back on. Tomorrow isn't promised to neither of us. Times are tougher now than they were back then, from my understanding. I want to make a significant contribution to my family and feel good about doing so. I am a very sensitive individual, if I wasn't making a contribution I will fell less of a woman. (I enjoy making my own $$$$$$$). That is something to be really proud of. SOOOOOOOOO!! I support both choices. Independent women as well as housewives, who knows I may become one ONE day.LOL (I doubt it, but it just may very well happen).

Z PHIIIIIIIIIIIII to my BLUTIFUL SORORS!!!

bluz4 · #5 01-23-2002, 12:34 AM

i also think its ok for a woman to stay in the home and take care of the household -- Lord knows that is a hard enough job. I however want to see the world and make a name for myself in this country so its not for me.
while there are women who are housewives and are active outside the home via clubs, there are other women who lose their identity and rely on the husband so much that they dont know how to be without the man.
i'm an editor at a newspaper and i read a story about this woman who shot and killed herself after her husband was killed in the 9/11 attacks. while the whole situation was sad and horrible, i felt so sorry for this woman who felt like she had no reason to live and no idea how to live her own life without her husband. i dont ever want to feel that way.

TLAW · #6 01-23-2002, 01:09 AM

I must agree with the earlier posts, in that the greatest advances we've made pertaining to our perception of women is the fact that women should be able to choose just what she wants to do; as long as we realize that the term "dependent" is relative, we might be able to understand that if society is was perfect, women who choose to be homemakers and such - dependent - are no less important than one who buy there own jewelry, houses, and cars, a la Destiny's Child.
Still, as a man, I can't be mad at a sister who is driven enough to make something out of her life, on her own terms, by her own wits; I realize that strong women come in many different forms. As long as that urge to succeed does not color our relationship by creating insecurities, I am sure I'd help her realize her dream to the best of my ability. Being old fashioned, I believe that in an ideal relationship, true independence does not exist, because both partners would hopefully understand that the one is nothing without the other. And I am not referring to the physical stuff a prenup can control!
To our ladies, I say "forge on". God did create something special when he created women. Whatever you do, we have always been, and always will be, DEPENDENT on you. One note of caution, to both men and women though: If you let possessions and the drive for secular independence consume you, you might end up being just that: independent. And sometimes, independence equals loneliness.

Special1920 · #7 01-23-2002, 07:16 AM

In the last 2 years I've met a lot of SAHM's(stay at home moms).
All with the exception of 1 has been white. So I wonder is this more of a decision based on color/culture. Growing up all the "BLACK" women in the neibirhood worked except 2 that I know . Most of these women had husbands at home. I personally could not be a SAHM or housewife. My fear would be husband leaving me, and I have no skills, no job, no income.
But I guess that's more of a trust issue with dealing with MEN.
I think it's ok to be a SAHM, but just not for me.

zetafg · #8 01-23-2002, 10:34 AM

As an independent woman I like having my own money, bills (although I don't want to pay them

) and apartment. I know that I can take care of myself.

Now when I get married and we decide to have a family, I may choose to be a SAHM for a little while. I won't feel like I'm loosing my independence because I know that I can handle my own. Plus this will give me time to bond with our children and be with them for all or most of their "firsts"....smile, laugh, words, steps....things like that. It would bother me a great deal if a babysitter experienced these things with my children because I was at work. But once they get into school if not before then I will most likely go back to work.

Now I know of some women who have never worked a day in their lives......they went from high school to dating to marriage to children and that's how they ended up housewives. A few of them didn't have any skills for a job and chose to let their husbands care for them and their children.

The problem that I have with solely depending on a man to take care of me is what if something happens to him like the WTC disaster? There is NO income. Or what if he loses his mind and decides to leave the family? NO income. Then finally, what if he loses his job? NO income.

In my opinion it is always good to have some type of work skills and to be able to take care of yourself because we NEVER know what GOD has in store for ALL of us.

DST Love · #9 01-23-2002, 11:14 AM

Let me say that I will definitely be a stay at home mom when I have children. My boyfriend and I have already decided this. My mother stayed at home with all of us, while my father worked. (And my father still spent a lot of time with us as well since he worked swing shifts.) I personally believe that if God is blessing me with a life to raise then it is MY responsibility to do so. No one else's. I don't want to not be able to fix my family a good breakfast every morning and walk and stay with my child at the bus stop and make sure they're safe. I want to be there when they get home from school (and not be tired), help them with their home work, play with them. Before my child is in school, I want to be able to take my child to the park on a Tuesday afternoon, hug them in the middle of the day when they have a nightmare during their afternoon nap or go meet Daddy for lunch, take them to the library (like my Mom used to do), instead of waiting for Saturday to do all this as well as the things I need to do for myself or getting home from work in the weekday about 6 or 7pm and being too tired to devote energy to both my husband and children. I also want to be a roommother for my children (you know, bring treats to and participate in activities at my children's school for holiday parties), just like my mom was. Also since I will be devoting my day time to my children, then I can devote more time to my husband when he gets home from work. So many people stop being able to work at their marriage when they have children due to working all day, then getting home and being tired, and having a few hours left in the night to divide between each other and their children. I just don't want it like that. I also will have more time to keep my body in shape by chasing my children around the house all day or working out while they nap instead of sitting at a desk all day. I plan to go back to work when my children are about 8 - 10 years when they'll be able to go and probably want to go to afterschool activities. Children grow up so fast and before you know it they don't want to even be bothered with the parents after a while. So I definitely want to cherish all of the moments I can as well as using every opportunity I can to instill in them everything they'll need to be responsible adults.

I always remember when I was younger and this girl saying that she wished her mother could come to more of her activities as much as my mom did. But her mother always worked or was tired.

I feel you can only be dependent in this situation if that is your personality to begin with. Right now I am an accountant with my own place and in very good financial standing due to how I handle investing, purchases, savings, etc. I take complete care of myself. With God's will, I don't plan to have children until about 29 or 30. Thus giving me and my boyfriend (future husband) time to devote to each other, be selfish, time for us both to save more money to enable me to stay at home more comfortably financially. Like I say, when people are ready to buy a house or car, they don't just wake up and go buy one. They make sure that they are financially ready to take on the responsibility. If I would do that for a material object that can be destroyed and replaced, why would I not do that and then some for my child who is irreplaceable?

Now I don't understand the statement that someone posted regarding losing their skills if they stayed at home. If you have it, you have it. And if your husband leaves, then just do what you have to do. Go out and get a job like you had before the children. Again, it's all about personality. Don't let yourself become totally dependent. I just don't understand why people would feel like they would suddenly become dependent if they learned how to be independent in the first place. Taking care of yourself is just not something you should forget how to do or throw away.

The dependent factor of being a stay at home to me is irrevelant if you do what you're supposed to do before you get married and have children. That is make sure that you are strong spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. And also take time to be selfish so you're children won't suffer from your regrets. If you never learned how to take care of yourself, live for yourself, etc., then you will be dependent on your husband. If I have been maintaining my own home, working, investing, paying bills, taking on other responsibilities for myself, how can I suddenly lose all of that just because I am staying home with and taking care of my children? Besides, I don't know about anyone else, but I plan to still be a very active partner in my home and marriage for the 10 years I am at home. I'm definitely not a dependent personality.
Right now I am not married or do not have children because I like being a little selfish and need to still learn some things for myself. But once I am married and have children, then it is time for me to put my children's needs first.

Sorry for the long post.

twistedsister · #10 01-23-2002, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DOVE1920
Lately I've noticed that there has been an emphasis on being an independant woman. This means: having a job, paying your own bills and whatever else falls under being self-reliant. However, is there anything wrong with wanting to be a housewife and rely on your husband for monetary support?

no...there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife...that is your choice...and if your husband wants to take care of you like that cool...a lot of men like to do that...but it's not cool if your husband doesn't want you out working and demands that you resign yourself to the position of a housewife...as long as it is what YOU want to do...i don't see anything wrong with it...in my opinion...

SoTrue1920 · #11 01-23-2002, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Special1920

But I guess that's more of a trust issue with dealing with MEN.

And there, in a nutshell, is the crux of the argument. At present, I'm (temporarily) completely dependent on my husband for food, shelter, clothing, and security -- the basic necessities of life. While this isn't a path I think I could walk for the rest of my marriage, if I had to for some unforseen reason, I'd be okay with that, because I trust my husband to provide for me emotionally and financially.

Unless women can trust their partners completely, then perhaps it's not in anyone's best interest to be in a dependent situation.

Also, I think that for some people the word dependent equals passive. Just because you've made the choice to stay at home, it doesn't mean you sit around and watch soaps all day. You do things to keep your skills sharp. You find hobbies, you volunteer, you learn a new skill or trade. These are all things that can help you be better prepared in the event of a divorce or your husband's death.

Her Dopenezzz · #12 01-23-2002, 09:04 PM

I believe I am an "Independent" woman but I would still like the opportunity to be in a marriage where I didn't HAVE to work 5 days a week or incredible hours in order for us to be comfortable.

I would still like to work but probably 3 days a week..or at my leisure.

But, I wouldn't want to fully depend on someone and not have any real world skills as a result to the point that if one day he decided to leave me, I would be sittting there like...What?

ClassyLady · #13 01-26-2002, 10:06 PM

I can't see myself being a stay at home mother. Simply because I don't know if I would accomplish everything that needed to get done. I'm not a morning person. Naturally, without any interruption, I wake up around 11 or 12. That would not work with children. And, when I have a day off to do whatever I want, I generally lounge around without getting any of the errands that I say that I'm going to do done. I am at my best when I'm working. I am productive and get everything accomplished.

I would like to be able to do all of the things that DST Love mentioned in her post. Hopefully, I'll be in the position when I have chldren to be able to do both. I worked at a day care for two years and I saw a lot of women who only worked three days a week or, which I think is even better, from 9 - 12 every day. They would drop their kids off, go to work and be back to get them by the end of lunch time.

PrettyKitty · #14 02-01-2002, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Her Dopenezzz
I believe I am an "Independent" woman but I would still like the opportunity to be in a marriage where I didn't HAVE to work 5 days a week or incredible hours in order for us to be comfortable.

I would still like to work but probably 3 days a week..or at my leisure. But, I wouldn't want to fully depend on someone and not have any real world skills as a result to the point that if one day he decided to leave me, I would be sittting there like...What?

True....like SoTrue1920 said, it's all about choices