to depledge or not

[lostgirl102]

So I am college freshman, and this semester is my second semeter in college. Well before coming to college, I was already intending to join a sorority without thinking about how much it would cost. i thought it would be just a couple dollars or something but it wasnt so i put that idea off till i get some money. So as i ffr came, i see a couple of people on my instagram feed that went through it and got a bid here and there and I wish i did it then (so i basically got jealous) So majority of the people on my timeline is this sorority, we'll call it sorority 1. i don't know but I told myself that i wanted to rush for sorority 1. throughout my first semester, i barely any more posts from the girls that picked sorority 1 but still, it was like love at first sight. Well one day my friend and i was approached by a girl and she was like oh you girls should come out to our (sorority 2) spring recruitment etc etc. and my friend suddenly got excited and was like we should go and see. well, we went to all the events and we both ended up getting a bid. i wasnt intending in joining anything this semster (because money...) but i was like i can try it for a couple of weeks and then drop before initiation, ya know and maybe i'll ease up to the sorority (because im still "in love" with sorority 1). And i do like the girls and we get along, but the thought that i wanted sorority 1 and i didn't even get the chance to get to know them is killing me even though something in my gut is telling me that i won't fit in with sorority 1. I am actually thinking about depledging and do it whenever i can again, not because i didn't like sorority 2 but because i am actually very much overwhelmed from schoolwork and im still getting a hang of the whole college thing. i just don't think its the right time for me, you know? BUT when I rush again (whenever) that is, i was thinking maybe ill just for my first love, im just scared that sorority 2 will think im a bitch or a traitor or soemthing and i don't want them to think of me as that kind of person. so help me, what do you think i should do? oh the money problem is still on the table btw. help me please, thanks!