Advice for my daughter

mizzoumom12 · #1 11-05-2012, 10:40 PM

My daughter got her first choice sorority. Although she loves it, she said that she feels like everyone already has their friend group and that she doesn't really "fit" anywhere. She has lots of friends in her sorority, but she wouldn't call them "close" friends. However, I remind her that it is only November. She's very kind and pretty, she just came to her college not knowing anyone at all, so she didn't have any friends from back home. Also, not many girls from her sorority live in her dorm (I think there's 2?).

Will this get any better? It makes me sad when she feels so lonely

IndianaSigKap · #2 11-05-2012, 10:50 PM

Yes! I know your heart breaks for her, but it will get better. Moving into the house next year will help a ton. She may have to make an extra effort to make plans with her pledge class. If there are sisters in her major, maybe she could study with them. Tell her to hang in there. Recruitment is such a flurry of excitement, post recruitment is almost the exact opposite.

ADPi95 · #3 11-05-2012, 10:56 PM

Yes, it gets better! You were right to remind her that it's only November and she has so many positives going for her: it's her first choice sorority (and vice-versa, they would not have offered her a bid if they thought she wouldn't fit in); she is building new friendships (even though they aren't close, yet); and as you said, she loves it.

As I'm sure you've already told her, it takes time to build strong close relationships...it doesn't happen overnight. It just takes a little bit of time, for some more than others. Not only that, but she will continue to build lasting friendships as an active AND later on as an alumna!

MST62 · #4 11-05-2012, 11:28 PM

Mom, you've done everything right so far. I was in her position when I first joined my GLO as well - I felt that I didn't have any close friends at this point in the year, just girls I hung out with. I now look back and realize that we WERE close, I just didn't realize it because it was a day-to-day type of thing. Just keep encouraging her to get out there and hang out with new women more often and she will absolutely find her fit! As ADPi95 pointed out, they wouldn't have offered a bid to her if they didn't think she would fit in!

Good luck to your daughter, I hope things improve for her!

ASTalumna06 · #5 11-06-2012, 12:19 AM

Encourage her to get very involved with the sorority next semester. Join committees, help whenever a sister needs it, volunteer for additional projects or philanthropic activities. Getting involved in sorority "business" is a great way to interact with sisters, young and old, both in her pledge class and out.

Ironically, I have great relationships with the girls in my pledge class, but it wasn't because we were in the same class and were automatically BFFs. We weren't instantly close while we were pledging. We just kind of went through the motions. We became close later on. Interestingly, I think the first time I had that "sisterly feeling" is when my pledge class volunteered at a dance for mentally challenged adults. I initially saw it as almost a chore, but it turned out to be one of the best nights I've ever had, and we all really bonded for the first time.

Sometimes, you have those moments when you least expect them.

DubaiSis · #6 11-06-2012, 12:21 AM

I think college is the first time friendships are not simply organic. You become BFFs with your next door neighbor who is the same gender and same age as you, at 4 years old. Maybe your universe expands a bit as you proceed through school, but for years, every girl in your circle is invited to every party so it feels like you're in the middle of a tight circle of friends.

Especially if you go away to school, that organic nature of friendship is gone. Zippo. You have to work at EVERY friendship. You might become BFFs with your roommate, but that girl, from a different part of the world might have a different political/religious/social view, so it's not guaranteed you'll love her. So you join a sorority. And what? You have things in common, but what else? Well, that what else is over the next 4 years you develop friendships and bonds that will stay with you the rest of your life. But you'll notice I said 4 years, not 4 days. She's fine. Stay the course. Don't put so much pressure on your friends to be awesome all the time.

AGDee · #7 11-06-2012, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Encourage her to get very involved with the sorority next semester. Join committees, help whenever a sister needs it, volunteer for additional projects or philanthropic activities. Getting involved in sorority "business" is a great way to interact with sisters, young and old, both in her pledge class and out.

Sometimes, you have those moments when you least expect them.

My Sister-Mother (our version of big sister) told me, early on "You will get out of this what you put into it." I found that to be true Being involved, as ASTAlumna suggests, is the best way to form those bonds.

GeorgiaGreek · #8 11-06-2012, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mizzoumom12

Also, not many girls from her sorority live in her dorm (I think there's 2?).

Will this get any better? It makes me sad when she feels so lonely

Yes, it will get better. Sometimes it takes a few weeks, sometimes a couple of semesters, but it does get better.
I lived in the smaller Honors program dorm with only one other girl from my sorority in that dorm, while the rest of my pledge class was mostly in the freshman high-rise dorms way on the other side of campus. Not only did this mean I couldn't walk down the hall/stairs/across the street to see all of my sisters, but it meant we ate at different dining halls, walked to classes from different directions, etc. But I started walking to chapter meetings with the one other girl in my PC and that's how we started becoming friends. Now, we are as close as can be. Tell each other everything, "you're gonna be my bridesmaid" close. Have your daughter go to events/meetings, etc with her pledge class sisters. If she has a car, she should offer to drive every now and then. If she doesn't, ask for rides (not all the time, but "hey, could I get a ride to the philanthropy event with you guys" every now and then). Just getting somewhere with people is a good way to get to know them, because if you're in a car or on a long walk with someone, talking is just bound to happen.
Best wishes to her!
Also, remind her that her friends don't have to exclusively come from her sorority. She will be much happier if she doesn't only rely on one group of people as a source of company.