So I did the unthinkable...

Splash · #1 09-10-2012, 12:41 AM

...and moved in with my best friend. As you can guess, we now fight constantly. Any advice? PLEASE.

Without going into too much detail, we fight mostly about money and we go out together all the time (at least 3 nights a week)

DubaiSis · #2 09-10-2012, 12:46 AM

The short answer, shy of knowing a whole bunch of details, is stop spending so much time together. If "best friend" is a euphemism, then you have a different set of issues.

Splash · #3 09-10-2012, 04:01 AM

I'll try this. Maybe when I'm home spend more time in my room than in the common areas? Going out may be harder since we go to the same places certain nights a week, but I'll try to make more of a crew, yeah?

victoriana · #4 09-10-2012, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

I'll try this. Maybe when I'm home spend more time in my room than in the common areas? Going out may be harder since we go to the same places certain nights a week, but I'll try to make more of a crew, yeah?

Absolutely. When you're fighting, the more time you spend together, the worse it's going to get. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation and give yourself and your friend time to cool down. This way, you can actually enjoy the time you do have together when you go out and such. Find other friends to hang out with too.

As far as what you're fighting about, I would recommend having an open, honest, and civil discussion. Emphasis on civil. No yelling or screaming or accusing. Use "I feel" statements. Maybe this way you can figure out the real issues and find a solution to them. Perhaps you could sit down and make a budget together and discuss when each of you is going to have your half of rent, etc. If going out is too costly, maybe you guys could arrange a girls night/movie night/potluck at your place to save money but still have fun with friends. I have seen way too many friendships ruined by living together, and I would hate to see that happen to you.

adpiucf · #5 09-10-2012, 04:01 PM

Been there. Move out. It isn't worth the grief. It took us about 6 months, but my friend and I got our friendship back on track and we now laugh about what a disaster we were as roommates.

DubaiSis · #6 09-10-2012, 04:37 PM

Roommates are not married. Spending too much time together can really harm your relationship. And if all of your friends are common to both of you, I'd start working on that, if for no other reason than you probably need to spread your wings a little.

You do have to work out the money issues. Possibly one of you is not great with budgets and the other one is a little persnickety? But the bills do have to be paid on time, and due dates are not suggestions. This is actually a discussion I had to have with my now husband. He seriously thought the date on your credit card bill was like your mortgage payment, where it's due on X date, but you don't get penalized until Y date. And if you're a college age kid, or so, one of the two of you could seriously not get it about what getting into debt can do to the next several years of your life.

And by the way, if you can't afford to pay the electric bill, you can't afford to go out for Friday night drinks. And I promise you, you'll live without HBO. And you really will survive with the air conditioner set at 75.

Mevara · #7 09-10-2012, 05:37 PM

I have done that... best answer is to move out. Our friendship is better now, but not what it used to be.

Kevin · #8 09-10-2012, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

you'll live without HBO.

Lies... damn lies.

christiangirl · #9 09-10-2012, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

Lies... damn lies.

I've been without even basic channels for over 2 years. I'm still alive.

Now, the internet on the other hand...

ASUADPi · #10 09-10-2012, 05:48 PM

I too lived with my best friend, we didn't even last a month because she treated me like her maid (as her parents did everything for her prior to living on her own). It took months for our friendship to get back on track.

If you can, move out, especially if you value the friendship you guys have. Otherwise you need to spend time away from each other. You need to have your own lives.

Splash · #11 09-10-2012, 10:12 PM

I think I'm going to try some of the suggestions in this thread in addition to searching about for a new living situation. If nothing more, I am at least keeping my options open, and if it gets really bad I won't have to start from scratch. I'm not going to go into detail because you're only going to hear my side and that's pointless of course.

As ironic as it seems, going out usually costs us nothing. It's the day to day apartment type of expenses that are adding up. But that's too specific and giving too much detail for you guys to find a solution for. Thanks for the suggestions so far though. I really appreciate. This situation is really bumming me out

CutiePie2000 · #12 09-17-2012, 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

...and moved in with my best friend. As you can guess, we now fight constantly. Any advice? PLEASE.

What about sitting down and setting out some written ground rules that you both agree to (or can negotiate)? In classes with adult learners, instructors are encouraged to do this, so why not with your friend (who is now your roommate).

That will help to clarify expectations of what you will and will not put up with, when it comes to living together.

FleurGirl · #13 09-17-2012, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

As ironic as it seems, going out usually costs us nothing. It's the day to day apartment type of expenses that are adding up. But that's too specific and giving too much detail for you guys to find a solution for. Thanks for the suggestions so far though. I really appreciate. This situation is really bumming me out

If it's the apartment stuff, why not make up a chart for the stuff you can share (paper towels, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, etc.) and alternate buying it? If it's written down, there's really no arguing. I also really recommend buying your own food and not sharing; takes any confusion out of the equation. Sit down and chat about the stuff that will affect your utilities: set a thermostat temperature, a maximum time limit on showers, whatever. If you're not sharing a room, then your room is your own space to do whatever you'd like. In any shared space you should both be cleaning up after yourselves.

knight_shadow · #14 09-17-2012, 01:19 PM

Yea, I echo everyone else's "move out" (when the lease is up, of course).

In the meantime, find things to do that don't involve your friend so that you're not around each other 24-7. Also, if "household expenses" are adding up, I agree with FleurGirl -- sit down and discuss how things are to be broken out (ex. I will buy paper towels, you will buy dishwashing detergent, etc). For food, be responsible for your own stuff.

Good luck.