no bid

[nobidgirl]

this past week i tried to join a sorority. i go to a small university. we only have like 4 or 5 sororities and we dont having frat/sorority housing. this was an informal recruitment. we were required to go to 3 meetings, i went to 4.
there were no one on one talks. just ice breakers. so there really was not a chance for me to talk. and i was really nervous.

I had no luck and did not receive a bid. what hurts even worse is i did not even get a reason. bid call backs were supposed to be around 1pm and 4 at the latest to know if you got a bid or not. i had waited till 4pm when i finally received a call. i was just called and told "you showed dedication, but it just wouldn't be a good fit. but it was nice meeting you." i've been crushed, upset, and crying all day. can anyone help me out by suggesting why i did not receive a bid since i got no real explanation? i feel like i was not good enough but cant understand why.

Thanks
nobidgirl

[DubaiSis]

Unfortunately no, nobody can tell you why. But based on what you posted above,

there were no one on one talks. just ice breakers. so there really was not a chance for me to talk. and i was really nervous

this is probably why. You probably needed to be more aggressive and jump into the fray more than you did. It's unfortunate when chapters don't follow a system to ensure they meet every girl who has gone out of their way to meet the sisters, but when they haven't, you have to make up the difference.

You didn't give us much information so I'm going to make a few guesses and maybe it will help.
1-you are a freshman. You can try again next year (depending on your school, you can try again as a sophomore as well, or even a junior but then your chances start decreasing rapidly)
2-not every chapter is at total and will be doing some informal rushing. You can talk to the Greek life office about that.
3-you didn't go in prepared with conversation skills, appropriate wardrobe, appropriate attitude. Spend some time thinking about what you did versus what other girls did and why their outcome may have been better.
4-were your grades good enough?

You shouldn't beat yourself up about this but do spend some time thinking about what you could have done differently/better, and then move on with your life. Making friends. Being active on campus, doing things that make you happy, around other people, these are all things that will make you a better candidate next time. And if it was or might have been your grades, get yourself in some study groups. It will help your grades and help you get to know some people in your classes.

[nobidgirl]

thanks so much. my grades are ok. i have a 3.35 gpa.
im a soph
i tried to smile and made sure a paid attention to everything being said.
it said dress casual. however, i didnt wear make up or style my hair to perfection.
i did show up under dressed to one meeting. but i explained it was bcuz i was at tutoring and not planning on going that day and didnt have time to change.
they said they didnt base bids in they way you looked tho.
and i never was told to try again in the fall.

[DubaiSis]

Are these NPC groups or locals? If there is a Greek Life office, I would talk to them and see if they can provide you any suggestions.

Unfortunately, you probably needed to put a little more effort into your appearance. A quiet (possibly read as standoffish) persona added to overly casual and/or a bit messy dress is not a good mix, especially if you don't know any of the girls.

But remember, sorority membership isn't your only option for fun. Get out there and do something new! This may be the wake up call you need to take your social life more seriously. Your social life IS important, so don't waste the rest of your college life not being out there.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by nobidgirl

this was an informal recruitment. we were required to go to 3 meetings, i went to 4.

This also jumped out at me. Are you saying that your campus does Formal Recruitment in the fall and that this was spring informal/COB? In that case, the groups would have had a limited number of bids that they could offer. For some groups that may have even been a very small number.

I concur with what DubaiSis said in that "quiet plus appearance not appropriate for occasion" are concerns, as this can give off the message that you weren't truly interested and did not put forth any effort for the recruitment process. However, it may just have been a numbers game if the chapters only had a few spaces to fill.

If you campus is supportive of upperclassmen getting bids, you might try again through formal recruitment.

[violetpretty]

"Casual" for informal sorority recruitment in winter = neatly styled hair, natural makeup, nice jeans, nice and reasonably modest sweater/blouse/top, nice flat shoes/boots. I would not advise a PNM at ANY school, no matter how "laid back" the school is, to show up at recruitment without makeup and without styling her hair.

Although you were told that "they didn't base bids on the way you look", this is true, but not in the sense you're thinking of. It's true in the sense that not every chapter will only take size 4 and under beauty queens. However, good personal presentation IS something that chapters will consider. That means looking polished, looking like the best version of yourself. I can see how you might find that misleading.

Unfortunately, because you said you "were not planning on going that day" and "didn't have time to change" that basically tells the chapter that joining a sorority is not a priority for you and/or that you show up to class looking like a bum (also something sororities don't like). If you were more interested, you'd plan on going, and you might have worn your "sorority casual" clothes/hair/makeup all day, knowing you wouldn't have time to change.

All recruitment is a numbers game, but during informal recruitment, every chapter is only allowed to give bids to reach a certain size. That number may be very small, and it doesn't matter how many women go through recruitment. It is possible a chapter liked you but liked (and got to know) X number of women better than you.

Did you go to an event at each chapter that was participating? You said you went to 4 events, and that there are 5 chapters at your school (of course not all might be participating). Were these events for 4 different chapters or did you go to more than one event for one or more chapters?

[AOII Angel]

I wouldn't take a "no bid" during informal recruitment too personally. Dry your tears. Informal unfortunately often is done with very limited number of spots open for new members. You may have had an insurmountable competition for very few spots. Not being dressed appropriately probably didn't help you any. Live and learn. Try again during formal recruitment. In the mean time, read up on recruitment hear at GC and be prepared. There are many women who don't get spots during informal who go on to join a sorority during formal (and vice versa.) Good luck. I'm sorry this was traumatic, but it really isn't an indictment of you, your personality or anything else.

[33girl]

It sounds like:

1) as other posters have said, the sororities may have only had a small number of spots

2) the chapters are small enough so that when a sorority says you don't fit, they know that. It happens. There isn't a place for everyone and going Greek isn't for everyone.

If no one encouraged you to rerush in the fall, I recommend you look into other school activities.

[nobidgirl]

thanks everyone. yeah i def learned my lessons.

[lucyxxoo]

I'm actually going through recruitment right now and I had been really careful about my makeup hair and clothes. And Im trying to talk to girls at any given minute. But to be honest I don't think I can get a bid either just because there is only few spots open(like 5) like other ppl said don't take it seriously, because most likely they only take their friends during informal recruitment. Anyway I'm prepared to receive no bid at this semester and going back next semester. Good luck!!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by lucyxxoo

I'm actually going through recruitment right now and I had been really careful about my makeup hair and clothes. And Im trying to talk to girls at any given minute. But to be honest I don't think I can get a bid either just because there is only few spots open(like 5) like other ppl said don't take it seriously, because most likely they only take their friends during informal recruitment. Anyway I'm prepared to receive no bid at this semester and going back next semester. Good luck!!

You never know. Some advice: relax.

[nobidgirl]

something amazing happened to me last sunday night actually.
the president of the delta gamma pi chapter called me at 9:30 pm.
ive had one honors class with her last semester.

she knew i had been previously interested in that sorority as well.
even tho i didnt go to any of the recruitment activities for that sorority due to timing constraints (tutoring)
she still took the time to call me and invite me to sit down and meet with some of the girls
when i got there she asked me and another girl
to apply. we took the applications and filled em out.

and both of us ended up getting bids. their sorority is newer
and cheaper and i didnt have to dress up. i was able to get a bid by just
being me. and im seriously both happy and excited about it!
she accepted me for who i am. a smart and educated girl who
likes to have fun. and i didnt have to dress up as someone i am not.

good luck tho lucyxxoo!
i hope you either get a bid or something amazing happens to you like it did for me.

[DubaiSis]

Congratulations! I am thrilled that this worked out for you and is an example of what can happen if you give a chance to that smaller house who's trying to get established. They took a chance on you and you took a chance on them and now you're both happy!

But do understand that when it's your turn to be on the "other side of the door" you WILL have to dress up, do your hair, wear more makeup than you typically would (if you're a no makeup kind of a gal). Don't be too dismayed if they expect these things of you. 1-it will make you look better and 2-it's a good life lesson. You will have to dress the part and play the game for your entire working life, ESPECIALLY when you're young. Rush teaches you more lessons than you will be able to imagine right now.

PS- I guess it's time to change your name!

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by nobidgirl

something amazing happened to me last sunday night actually.
the president of the delta gamma pi chapter called me at 9:30 pm.
ive had one honors class with her last semester.

she knew i had been previously interested in that sorority as well.
even tho i didnt go to any of the recruitment activities for that sorority due to timing constraints (tutoring)
she still took the time to call me and invite me to sit down and meet with some of the girls
when i got there she asked me and another girl
to apply. we took the applications and filled em out.

and both of us ended up getting bids. their sorority is newer
and cheaper and i didnt have to dress up. i was able to get a bid by just
being me. and im seriously both happy and excited about it!
she accepted me for who i am. a smart and educated girl who
likes to have fun. and i didnt have to dress up as someone i am not.

good luck tho lucyxxoo!
i hope you either get a bid or something amazing happens to you like it did for me.

Welcome to Delta Gamma. I'm glad you found it less expensive (certainly not "cheaper"). I've had almost 40 years of DG accepting who I am, and it's wonderful!

[AOII Angel]

I think she may mean Delta Gamma Pi multicultural sorority. She says "their sorority is newer" and Pi chapter of Delta Gamma is 100 years old.

Congratulations on Delta Gamma Pi!