When you pledge to a sorority you're not sure you want! Need advice

[Confused123]

A couple of weeks ago, I went through what was almost a dream rush, until the end. I didn't have any expectations of this, but I ended up being able to return to the maximum number of houses each night. Of course I was nervous and a bit stressed, but I was also having a great time going to all the houses!

I started off with a couple of strong favorites but when I got down to a few houses, I had one strong favorite that I was in love with. I'll call them Balloons. I also had a 2nd choice which I liked but didn't think I liked it as much as my #1. They're the Party Hats. In fact, at one of my first nights at Party Hats, I had an awful time. It wasn't anything the Actives did. I just felt super awkward and nervous, and I didn't feel like I would get invited back. So the last 2 nights come around, and I suddenly do a 180. I really love Party Hats now. I know several of the Seniors in that sorority, and I was bawling my eyes out at Pref Night there. I was really touched by the ceremony. The whole rest of the night, I was thinking about Party Hats. I was still torn because I had loved Balloons too, but I felt at peace when I preffed Party Hats first that night.

I KNOW it doesn't always happen this way! But at my college, the Sorority you put first on Pref Night is the one you get almost all the time. They even explained that to us. Although they did warn us, that doesn't happen 100% of the time. But I thought I was set in stone.

So imagine my surprise when I open my Bid Card to see Balloons! The girls in this one are fantastic, and I have been trying to be positive and enthusiastic and give it a chance. But now, even a couple of weeks later, I'm still feeling a little hurt over Party Hats. The thing with them is that their pledge class is full of girls who are the total opposite of me! I am wild and outgoing with people I know, but it takes me a long time to warm up to people. I know many of the new pledge class, and most of them put it ALL out there no matter what! Outgoing, crazy, and funny! One of the reasons I cried so much during Pref Night there, though, were my Senior friends who explained to me that Party Hats had transformed them from someone on the shyer, more unsure side to the intelligent, outgoing, confident women they are today. I felt like Party Hats could help me grow as a person, and the women were who I want to be. The Balloons represent more of who I am today.

I don't know what to do! I'm trying to tell myself that it worked out for the best because I'm not actually sure I would fit in with the Party Hat freshman or not. I'm closest with Juniors and Seniors in there, and all the Seniors will be gone and graduated soon!

I'm not even sure what I want anymore, but I can't stop crying whenever I think about it. I don't know what to do! The Balloons maybe are better for me, but I can't stop thinking about the Party Hats.