How often do greek life people have outsider BF's/GF's

[xstalkrx]

How often do people that are in Greek life have boyfriends or girlfriends that are outside of the college scene. Does it work out?

I am not in college. I have a stable career. I was dating a girl for a couple months and then she joined a sorority and began living on campus in the sorority house. At 6 months into the relationship things were still great but this is when she became comfortable in the sorority and really started going to all the parties and events and hanging out with her sisters a lot.

Needless to say, we were done before the 1 year anniversary. She had found a guy in one of the fraternities that her sorority associates with. She said she was in love at 6 months, but now, her "new life" as she puts it has drawn us apart. The formals she told me I "had" to go to are now reserved for her new fraternity boyfriend.

Were we doomed from the beginning? How often does this scenario actually work out where the couple stays together?

[jazing]

There is nothing stopping outside relationships. Where were you at these parties? Why were you not going over and hanging around the house? No offense, but in many ways you let that happen. I know a lot of people in Greek Life where I'm at who date outside, and a lot who only date inside. Seeing how she was with you before going on the inside, you very well could have prevented the break up.

My 50 cents (because 2 cents is for the 99%)

[xstalkrx]

Originally Posted by jazing

There is nothing stopping outside relationships. Where were you at these parties? Why were you not going over and hanging around the house? No offense, but in many ways you let that happen. I know a lot of people in Greek Life where I'm at who date outside, and a lot who only date inside. Seeing how she was with you before going on the inside, you very well could have prevented the break up.

My 50 cents (because 2 cents is for the 99%)

I was never invited to the parties because she said that the frat houses frown upon inviting guys who are not in their frat.

I did hang around the house and cooked for her like 3 times up there and watched a couple movies and met all her sisters and even helped them all move some heavy stuff one day.

[jazing]

I will admit fraternities do frown upon GDIs, but they shouldn't upon members of other fraternities (well, I wouldn't as it keeps upon ideals of Greek Unity). What I would have done was bring something for the party ... too bad it is too late.

If I were you, I wouldn't be with her. If she turned into an elitist, that isn't the sororities fault, it is her own.

[xstalkrx]

Originally Posted by jazing

I will admit fraternities do frown upon GDIs, but they shouldn't upon members of other fraternities (well, I wouldn't as it keeps upon ideals of Greek Unity). What I would have done was bring something for the party ... too bad it is too late.

If I were you, I wouldn't be with her. If she turned into an elitist, that isn't the sororities fault, it is her own.

Yea, I'm not trying to bash Greek life. I think she did turn into an elitist. I mean it was like all of a sudden it was "her life". She said it with that phrase. That is a red flag to me.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by xstalkrx

Yea, I'm not trying to bash Greek life. I think she did turn into an elitist. I mean it was like all of a sudden it was "her life". She said it with that phrase. That is a red flag to me.

I've seen it happen both ways. I know women who became so wrapped up in Greek life and elitist that they would only date Greeks. On the other hand, I know people who dated GDIs for years while being a member, living in, and being on council.

I'm sure it also varies by school. Colleges where Greek Life is more prevalent and very competitive might put more emphasis on dating a fraternity member where as schools with smaller Greek Life probably don't put as much emphasis.

[melindawarren]

Coming at this from a girl's perspective: like jazing said, this is her thing, not the sorority's.

But honestly, I would not want my boyfriend hanging around at the house, Greek or not. I mean, I guess I get the idea...but still, I know the NM period is a challenge, but if she really cared about the relationship, she would have worked harder to balance you in her "new life."

[I'm not saying she didn't care about you or that the relationship didn't mean anything to her; what I am saying is that she chose her priorities and, sadly, the relationship wasn't one of them.]

Jazing-I've always wondered, why do people call all non-Greeks GDIs? I tend to reserve the term for people who dislike the Greek system altogether, not those who aren't Greek, regardless of why.

ETA: When I started posting, WCSweet had yet to post, so I thought I was the first female poster.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I think that "in-college" vs. "not-in-college" is a much bigger divide than Greek vs. GDI.

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I think that "in-college" vs. "not-in-college" is a much bigger divide than Greek vs. GDI.

That's also true. I didn't think about it, but yeah, that's completely right. I could see keeping up with a non-college boyfriend as a challenge; heck, I've had a hard time finding common ground with non-college friends.

Still, I wouldn't stop talking to them out of the blue because they aren't part of my "new life." Since I value the friendships, I try my hardest to talk to them as often as possible (yes, I'm a millennial, so facebook does sort of come into play here sometimes...but I try to have skype or phone conversations whenever possible) and make them part of my life. Last weekend, for example, I was studying for finals and invited one of my best friends over. She's still in high school, so she came over and gave me a little study break. It was really nice to catch up with her and hear all about what's been going on in her life lately.

[DubaiSis]

Presuming you're approximately her same age, I would say the problem was more that she found someone who fit her current life and goals more than you. And if you did go through college and you're just that much older than her, she found someone who's life path is closer to hers than you. That's not snobby or elitist. We associate with people like us. That's a global we and a global us, and depending on where you put your priorities, that "us" might mean similar education, social strata, religion, race, hobbies, etc.

I think the reason long time relationships fall apart 3 or 4 months after people start college is because those priorities change and start to become more clear. It might suck, but who wants to be the same person, with the same friends, same hobbies, same outlook at 18 and at 25? Then you become THAT GUY who is still wearing his letter jacket at the bar on Saturday night wondering why the girls are all such bitches. That is of course not to say that's who you are. Hopefully you are also growing and changing, just maybe not in the same direction.

[TKE627]

What do you mean by stable career? TBH I woudn't date a girl who wasn't in college, didn't go to college, or didn't plan on it at all. It may sound elitist, but it's a fact people who went to Uni. are socially different than people who didn't. You guys just didn't have much in common anymore and that ended the relationship more than the sorority, though I'm sure that help.
Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. Like someone said before, I have a hard time finding things in common with friends who didn't go to school let alone a gf.

[TKE627]

and i hope you user name does not reflect on your personality...please don't stalk her and hurter...it may come off as rude/funny, but i'm being anything but. This happens all to often.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I think that "in-college" vs. "not-in-college" is a much bigger divide than Greek vs. GDI.

This.

Originally Posted by melindawarren

Jazing-I've always wondered, why do some people call all non-Greeks GDIs? I tend to reserve the term for people who dislike the Greek system altogether, not those who aren't Greek, regardless of why.

Fixed your post for you. As has been mentioned on GC before, there are lots of us who dislike that term and do not ever use it.

[xstalkrx]

Another red flag is when she agreed that if she hadn't joined a sorority, we would probably still be together.

She's not your sleep around kind of girl though. She's not the type to have one night stands or anything. I think, as was mentioned by others, she found someone who has more in common with where she is in life. We were compatible in the long term. We agreed on just about all social issues and how things should be.

But, she's young and wants to live like the college girl she is I suppose. You're right, if the relationship had meant enough to her, she would have been more acomadating. She sure put on a good front for me though.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

She just wasn't that into you. Not hard to imagine if that user name means what it looks like. Time to let it go.