The Sin of Delaying Marriage

[abaici]

This is a portion of a response from R. Albert Mohler, Jr., president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.

He is responded to criticism he received after a speech he made about singles "delaying marriage." I've posted the attachment to his link. It's really compelling stuff. I know it's long, but give it a read.


Addressed to Men

Given this commitment and hope as articulated by these thoughtful young women, it should be clear that when I spoke of a pattern of sin in the delay of marriage, I was certainly not attributing that sin to them. To the contrary, as one who believes wholeheartedly in the biblical pattern of complementarity and in the male responsibility to lead, I charge young men with far greater responsibility for this failure.

The extension of a "boy culture" into the twenties and thirties, along with a sense of uncertainty about the true nature of male leadership has led many young men to focus on career, friends, sports, and any number of other satisfactions when they should be preparing themselves for marriage and taking responsibility to grow up, be the man, and show God's glory as husband and father.

I am not calling for high school students to marry, and I am certainly not suggesting that believers of any age should marry thoughtlessly, carelessly, and without sound spiritual judgment. But I am most emphatically arguing that this delay of marriage now presents the church with a critical test: We will either recover a full and comprehensive biblical vision of marriage in all of its glory, or we will soon find believers so accommodated to the culture around us that all we seek in our marriages is to do marginally better than what we see in the world.

Sensitivity Needed

Sensitivity demands that we understand the grief, frustration, and concern of Christian young adults struggling with this issue. They are the inheritors of a culture that has minimized marriage and has sent mixed messages concerning sex, gender, marriage, and all the rest. The full biblical vision of marriage was not, in the main, held before them from their earliest years at home, and was not encouraged and enriched as they grew through adolescence into adulthood. Many of them--especially many young women--feel victimized by this pattern, and they are frustrated by the reality.

Now is the time for the church to take this conversation to the next level. This generation of Christian young adults has the opportunity to seize the moment, reverse cultural trends, and show their elders the glory of marriage as God intended it from the beginning.

I stand by my argument--renewed in this conviction even by the controversy that has followed. At the same time, I'm going to be a good bit more careful to make clear that young men must accept most of the blame for this situation. I will also remind these young men that, armed with a biblical mandate and fueled by Christian passion, they can also be the vanguard for recovery.

So, thanks to Camerin Courtney for her article, and to all those who have followed with responses. Let's keep this conversation going, and encourage each other to pursue God's glory in every dimension of our lives--and to settle for nothing less.

the rest of the response is located here: http://://www.crosswalk.com/communit...s/1280592.html


link to the original speech
http://www.familylife.com/fltoday/de...id=7402&past=1

[AKA2D '91]

Soror.....PUHLEEZE! LOL

I haven't even read this (only skimmed), but... okay. wudeva.

[NUPE4LIFE]

Anything related to Southern Baptist, IMO, is always bad. I a guy who is about to graduate from college and is pursuing Divinity School post graduation. We were talking the other day about each other's needs as far as a picking a ministry that's right for you. I informed him of how I had been encouraged many times by a particular female pastor. His response was, "I don't like her cause I don't believe that women should preach". Over the course of the conversation, he informed me of how he is step with the fundamentals of what Southern Baptist believe. I was disgusted. Everyone has the right to their own opinion.

[Love_Spell_6]

For those that disagree with what is said in this article..what specifically is the disagreement about? Is it the fact that he's saying its a sin?

[abaici]

Originally posted by NUPE4LIFE
Anything related to Southern Baptist, IMO, is always bad.

I'm Southern Baptist (yes, in California).


I just thought the argument was interesting. I have read the transcript of his speech, and I agree with alot of the things he said. Namely, people are delaying marriage. Some of us will disagree with that and blame it on not finding a man. But, how many of us have said, "I'm not trying to get married until I get this together, or this together." Marriage is an afterthought. Then we turn 25, 28, 35, 40 and go, I want to get married. We place more value on the other than marriage and family. In the end, our relationships with other people are what matter most.

[aopirose]

I thought that this was sort of interesting. I never looked at being single as being a sin. Although after reading this transcript and finding more about the Book of Titus, http://www.biblebb.com/files/MAC/young2.htm, I can understand why these people feel that way.

It’s funny that you posted this because I found this site the other night. It’s called Mom of 9s Place, http://www.momof9splace.com/. There is a whole section on Courting vs. Dating. This lady also goes into related areas about how a woman is supposed to be an obedient wife and all that it entails. That is being a Biblical woman, good homemaker and mother. She also goes on to say that God sank the Titanic and that it is a sin for a woman to wear pants but that’s another thread. Why was I there you ask? Well, I was actually looking for pictures of wedding cakes and this site popped up as a hit!

Back to the original topic. I still don’t think that being single is a sin. Some people don’t ever have that calling. I have also known a few people to put off marriage and kids until they are a little more financially secure. It takes money to establish a home, whether you are renting an apartment or buying a house, and raise kids. I am not saying that you have to be mega-rich but you have to be able to pay your basic bills. Financial woes can be a big strain on a relationship.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by aopirose


It’s funny that you posted this because I found this site the other night. It’s called Mom of 9s Place, http://www.momof9splace.com/. There is a whole section on Courting vs. Dating. This lady also goes into related areas about how a woman is supposed to be an obedient wife and all that it entails. That is being a Biblical woman, good homemaker and mother. She also goes on to say that God sank the Titanic and that it is a sin for a woman to wear pants but that’s another thread. Why was I there you ask? Well, I was actually looking for pictures of wedding cakes and this site popped up as a hit!

Your post brings up an interesting topic..I thought about starting a thread on dating vs. courting..but I guess it can be discussed here. I agree with abaici that we've placed the importance of getting ourselves together before relationships..then when we get it all together...we look for love and get frustrated when we don't find it when we want.

However regarding dating vs. courting, this has been something that I have been dealing with alot lately, and honestly I must say I am taking myself OUT of the dating game. I don't understand the point of dating for years, knowing you love the person, having sex with him (if that's what you do), opening your heart completely up to this person, then after 3-5 years deciding this isn't working. I really feel like at this point in my life..at the point I know I'm catching feelings for the person..its time to have the talk about where this is going..and if he don't know..or isn't sure..then I need to be on my way...

OK i went on a tangent...but the dating/courting thing has been coming up a lot in my convo's lately..

[aephi alum]

I totally disagree that it's wrong/sinful to "delay" marriage. This should come as no surprise.

When you find "The One" and you decide that you want to get married and build a life together, that's when you get married. If you haven't found that person, don't get married to some random person for the sake of being married. Better to be single for a little while longer than to be in an unhappy marriage or go through a divorce.

Now, if you've found "The One" and you're trying to avoid the topic of marriage just because you're not ready to trade in your sportscar for a minivan, that's a problem.

I also disagree with the concept of the man as head of household and the woman as the obedient wife. Both partners in a marriage should share the responsibilities of head of household. But that's another topic.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by aephi alum
I totally disagree that it's wrong/sinful to "delay" marriage. This should come as no surprise.

When you find "The One" and you decide that you want to get married and build a life together, that's when you get married. If you haven't found that person, don't get married to some random person for the sake of being married. Better to be single for a little while longer than to be in an unhappy marriage or go through a divorce.

Now, if you've found "The One" and you're trying to avoid the topic of marriage just because you're not ready to trade in your sportscar for a minivan, that's a problem.

I also disagree with the concept of the man as head of household and the woman as the obedient wife. Both partners in a marriage should share the responsibilities of head of household. But that's another topic.

I dont know if I agree that its necessarily a "sin" either..but it should come to no surprise that many folks are ending up alone because they've decided to wait to get things "in order" before looking for "the one"...OR that many people are marrying who they THINK is the one because now THEY are ready to be married...when it turns out you thought wrong. With the divorce rate as high as it is...clearly we as society are MISSING the mark..we're doing something wrong...and I think it starts much sooner than once we're actually married...but while we're in that "looking" stage...

[abaici]

Originally posted by aephi alum
I totally disagree that it's wrong/sinful to "delay" marriage. This should come as no surprise.

When you find "The One" and you decide that you want to get married and build a life together, that's when you get married. If you haven't found that person, don't get married to some random person for the sake of being married. Better to be single for a little while longer than to be in an unhappy marriage or go through a divorce.

Now, if you've found "The One" and you're trying to avoid the topic of marriage just because you're not ready to trade in your sportscar for a minivan, that's a problem.

I also disagree with the concept of the man as head of household and the woman as the obedient wife. Both partners in a marriage should share the responsibilities of head of household. But that's another topic.

He's not advocating that you just marry anyone. Oh, and the last paragraph is a totally different topic.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by abaici
He's not advocating that you just marry anyone. Oh, and the last paragraph is a totally different topic.

I mention it because it was touched on in aopirose's post and on that momof9 website. I did say up front that it is another topic.

The article you quoted makes it sound like it's wrong or sinful to delay marriage for any reason. There are some reasons to postpone marriage that I feel are totally legitimate. Not having met the right person is a big one. Not wanting to give up hanging out with the guys or girls every Friday night is not legitimate.

[aopirose]

Hey Love_Spell_6, good for you on making that decision! I don’t think that you have gone off on a tangent. Courting vs. Dating definitely corresponds with the original topic because it is a component of the marriage process. That’s why I mentioned it.

I agree with you in that it makes no sense to date someone for 5 years and then break up. Now, I’m not talking about high school relationships. That IMHO is way too young. I feel that you have to experience life. Get an education, read, work, travel, and find out who you are. If you don’t know who you are or have some sense about yourself, how are you going to find a person who compliments those qualities. It goes without saying that if a person has issues (drugs, abuse, liar) then get on up out of there.

I can also understand NUPE4LIFE’s position. In our American culture, we are taught that everyone is equal and has the same opportunities. The extent of that is debatable but work with me. Why can’t a woman preach the gospel? She practices her faith just like the men do. God calls us all to service so why can’t God call her to be a priest. Well, according to some, it is because it is in the Bible that women are not to be preachers. They are to be obedient and subservient to God first and then her husband. Men are to preach the word of God and women are to support them in that role. See some links on the Mom of 9 page for more details. This Biblical role is very much contrary to our secular belief system.

There is a movement in the American Roman Catholic Church to make things more equal. Items on the agenda include women priests and marriage for the clergy. All of this is completely against Rome and the Holy Father has issued declarations stating so. OK now that is really getting off on tangent. Sorry.

[Exquisite5]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWN....
Get married when you wanna...

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by Exquisite5
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWN....
Get married when you wanna...

if it was that simple i dont think anyone would be crying about they wanna be married...its not always up to you when u want to get married....

[Exquisite5]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
if it was that simple i dont think anyone would be crying about they wanna be married...its not always up to you when u want to get married....

I can respect that. I guess I did over simplify, but I think my answer came from the fact that I feel the article is making a big deal out of nothing.

I just don't get how its sinful if you're not fornicating to be single or delay marriage. I think that is just insane. At the turn of the century the life expectancy was approx. 47 so getting married in the late teens to early twenties made sense. It was necessary for survival. Now, however, the average life expectancy is 76 with procreation possible well into the 40s for women...why rush it?

I mean I want to get married when I can bring something to the table. Unfortunately, right now as a second year law student I can't bring too much, but some law books. Marriage is religious institution (I firmly belive this), but it is also a business partnership and it doesn't make good sense for someone to go into business with me right now. My boyfriend and I wait because God said for everything there is a time and it is just NOT our time right now.

I think to get married early because you are afraid you won't get married later is ridiculous. I truly believe EVERy Christian woman who has prepared herself in a Godly way can get married if she so desires. We must remember its not our time...its God's time.