I want to give it back!

#1 04-09-2001, 08:45 PM

I'm sure this can apply to everyone... re: ex bf and gf... they give you things and time goes by- you break up - and you give things back - right?

Well, what if 10 years goes by and you still have the guy's high school ring?

I still have this guy's high school ring and I want to give it back to him sooo bad- it is a big memory item- a high school ring! But if I try to find him now - will he think I am trying to hook up with him again? (We dated a long long time.) I don't want that.

Guys- would you want the ring back?
Girls - am I opening a can of worms by searching him out and giving this back?

This has been bothering me for a long time-any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks! Sue

#2 04-09-2001, 08:46 PM

P.S.

I got married in Oct of '96 - June of '96 is the last time I spoke with him and told him I was getting married- he has not spoken to me since (but has called my mom) - so finding him will take some big time detective work!

newbie · #3 04-09-2001, 08:49 PM

Hey Sue!!

Since it's been a long time--I think it's better suited to just leave it as that. I also have some of my ex's stuff--but I don't think it would be too good to give it back to him after so long. My thinking is that my ex has probably forgotten about it--and if he really wants it back, he could call me anytime. ALso, I think that to give it back wouldn't be very "useful" for the ex--b/c it would just leave bad memories w/him. I have my ex's stuff hidden way back in my closet--b/c while it is nice sometimes to look at it, it has some bad memories which I'd rather not deal with.

Don't know if that made much sense--I have a really bad headache right now--so I'm trying my best!

I'm writing you an email right now, by the way!! Love ya!!

newbie · #4 04-09-2001, 08:50 PM

Hi Sue again! Your 2nd post popped in while I was typing! Maybe since he avoided you ever since your wedding--maybe it hurt him too much, so giving back the stuff might hurt him even more? I'm not sure!!

bebe_cHiCk17 · #5 04-09-2001, 09:39 PM

yes.. definately give it back.. plus, what if he's like a really gorgeous improved guy now.. or you could snag a great new guy friend! guy friends are always great to have around, but yeah if i were him id love to have my ring back, but i just love keeping stuff like that!

33girl · #6 04-09-2001, 09:47 PM

Do his parents still live where they did when you were in hs, i.e. can you find them easily?

Put the ring in a box. No letter, no nothing. Send it back to his parents' house.

It will be out of your atmosphere and he will probably be happy to have it back. He'll know where it came from but the sterility of the return will let him know you're not trying to hook up with him.

Billy Optimist · #7 04-09-2001, 09:47 PM

You know him better than any of us, so would he want it back? If it were me, I'd want you to keep it. If it was me, and you were his highschool sweetheart, it would break his heart if you gave it back. Especially, if this isn't too personal, but if you were his first. That would be like saying "yeah, guess what it really is over" and it would be coming out of the blue. Keep for your daughter, she'll love it

#8 04-09-2001, 10:56 PM

Hey Billy - since you don't list your email - please email me!

Thanks! Sue

[This message has been edited by ISU_XO (edited April 09, 2001).]

#9 04-09-2001, 11:02 PM

O.k. - this is so queer but I did not go to h.s with him = I did not get it from him in h.s but in my soph year of college... I know= I don't know why he did not lavalier me or pin me= but I get the ring. Those of you who are greek know why he (he was an ATO) did not lav or pin me... I so need your advice - - thank you! Sue

newbie · #10 04-09-2001, 11:08 PM

Hey Sue! I don't know about your last question--just wanted to tell you, I finished my email for you!!! Love ya-C

#11 04-10-2001, 11:56 AM

Thanks everyone for the great ideas! I will take them all into consideration! It is so nice to have this support network! You all are the best! Sue

shadokat · #12 04-10-2001, 02:32 PM

This would be my approach. Neat and discreet!

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl:
Do his parents still live where they did when you were in hs, i.e. can you find them easily?

Put the ring in a box. No letter, no nothing. Send it back to his parents' house.

It will be out of your atmosphere and he will probably be happy to have it back. He'll know where it came from but the sterility of the return will let him know you're not trying to hook up with him.

amycat412 · #13 04-10-2001, 04:08 PM

Sue,
I'm thinking that after all this time, he probably wouldn't want it back. But, would it create more of a problem to keep it than to return it? I mean, does it bug your husband that you have it? I would think, since its ancient history (haha I can say that since we're both old!) that its best for everyone to just leave it alone.

Amy

#14 04-10-2001, 08:57 PM

I think I will take the shadokat and 33 girl way but if I can't find the family then I am going to drop it. (Hubby knows nothing about it - it is in a secret safe deposit box) - this guy is my "Joe" (Amy) - and if I include any note - it will start trouble. And Billy.. you are right too. Again- thanks everyone! Now I know what track to follow.

amycat412 · #15 04-10-2001, 09:48 PM

Oh Sue--
Don't do it! Don't do it! Those feelings as we know too well, NEVER die, and it will be just dredgeing up a mountain of trouble. You don't need the angst in your life, trust me--says she who sits here wondering WHAT to reply to Joe's latest email.

IF IF you can find his parents and return it via them, that would be the only method I would sugggest. Even then, I think you run a risk as the very act of retuning it shows you're thinking of him and wanting to do right by him and in these kinds of relationships, that's all they need...

Amy