Lots of recruitment questions for all you SEC schools sorority girls!

[SECmom629]

My daughter recently participated in fall recruitment at an SEC that I'll leave unnamed, and was very dissappointed when she was dropped 3rd round from a sorority to which was my legacy, and ended up quitting the process altogether. She rushed as a sophomore, has a very high GPA, and is very beautiful (I'm not just saying that because she is my daughter, she has been told that all her life). I alson did all I could for her, by submitting a legacy introduction form, and recommendation letter. I know being a legacy/having recommendations for a sorority doesn't guarantee a bid, especially at a school where recruitment is so competitive, but I can't help but wonder, what went wrong?
Also, she has signed up for continuous open bidding since she is still very interested in becoming a member of this sorority. Can anyone tell me how the COB process works? How many girls receive bids after Bid Day? Is it harder as a sophomore? Furthermore, is it a bad idea to contact the VP of recruitment for that chapter? Or hinting at leaving a large donation upon her graduation? I would never want to do anything to bring her negative attention! Thanks!

Concerned Mother

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by SECmom629

what went wrong?

We have no way of knowing.

Also, she has signed up for continuous open bidding since she is still very interested in becoming a member of this sorority. Can anyone tell me how the COB process works?

Depends on the school, but to give bids after bid day through COB a chapter must be below the campus Total - which is a number set campus by campus or not have met Quota.

How many girls receive bids after Bid Day?

Depends wildly based on campus. And there's no way to know which chapters are doing COB because, again, varies wildly based on campus.

Is it harder as a sophomore?

Typically? Yes. Do we know for 100% sure? No.

Furthermore, is it a bad idea to contact the VP of recruitment for that chapter? Or hinting at leaving a large donation upon her graduation? I would never want to do anything to bring her negative attention! Thanks!

Concerned Mother

Ok, now you're just trolling right?

In the odd chance you're for real. Don't do it. That's a) an asshole move. And b) likely to get your daughter branded "the girl whose mom tried to buy her a bid."

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by SECmom629

My daughter recently participated in fall recruitment at an SEC that I'll leave unnamed, and was very dissappointed when she was dropped 3rd round from a sorority to which was my legacy, and ended up quitting the process altogether. She rushed as a sophomore, has a very high GPA, and is very beautiful (I'm not just saying that because she is my daughter, she has been told that all her life). I alson did all I could for her, by submitting a legacy introduction form, and recommendation letter. I know being a legacy/having recommendations for a sorority doesn't guarantee a bid, especially at a school where recruitment is so competitive, but I can't help but wonder, what went wrong?
Also, she has signed up for continuous open bidding since she is still very interested in becoming a member of this sorority. Can anyone tell me how the COB process works? How many girls receive bids after Bid Day? Is it harder as a sophomore? Furthermore, is it a bad idea to contact the VP of recruitment for that chapter? Or hinting at leaving a large donation upon her graduation? I would never want to do anything to bring her negative attention! Thanks!

Concerned Mother

And QFP in its entirety.

[DubaiSis]

And this is another story where the girl got cut from the house she wanted so she dropped out. Sorry, no sympathy here. There is every possibility that the house she wanted is over total and the only houses that would invite her to COB are the ones she was too good for a week ago.

[Zillini]

Some things worth pointing out:

At many SEC schools, rushing as a sophomore is a detriment. Some orgs simply don't plege upperclassmen or only a few, of those few only if they are a campus superstar loved by everyone in the chapter.

Along with that, did she spend her freshman year getting to know sorority women? Having folks in a chapter to pull for you is a big help.

No mention was made of her activities/resume during her freshman year. Was she active on campus, involved in community service, etc?

Finally, at many SEC schools there are more legacies going through Recruitment than quota. Therefore a lot of legacy moms and their daughters will be disappointed. I'm sorry that it was you & yours.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by SECmom629

Furthermore, is it a bad idea to contact the VP of recruitment for that chapter? Or hinting at leaving a large donation upon her graduation? I would never want to do anything to bring her negative attention!
Concerned Mother

Both = Negative attention.

[Katmandu]

Judging from my God Daughter's recruitment at a competitive SEC school last year, every PNM at many of these schools is beautiful, accomplished and smart. That's just the basic stripped-down PNM model. Those traits don't really distinguish you from the other 1,000+ PNMs.

Your daughter chose to drop out. It's sad when your organization releases a girl that you love, but it happens frequently. What's even sadder is that your daughter chose not to explore other options and dropped out rather than give other sororities a second look. If as a legacy, she was released from formal recruitment, the chances of COBing with that same group are probably slim to nil.

[IrishLake]

^ Ditto. Dropping out because her choice chapter/legacy chapter released her is a bonehead move. You should have prepared her better for this possibility. Read up on your groups legacy policy, and odds are you'll find the words along the lines of "your legacy will receive special consideration, but no bid is guaranteed." If they are at or over total, then there's no COBing. You won't get any sympathy from anyone here because she dropped out on her own accord, which is a slap in the face to the groups that DID want her, the groups that did think she was smart, beautiful and could be a perfect fit for them. She didn't even go through preference! A sad situation and a hard lesson learned, but no sympathy.

And no, don't dare contact your group and ask/offer stuff like that.

[ladybug12]

I know that at several SEC schools some groups got many quota additions which made them significantly larger than other traditionally strong sororities. These campuses are considering using average chapter size rather than their previous total numbers...which may open up COB spots in several chapters not known to take new members outside of formal recruitment.

Not trying to give you false hope, but your daughter should quietly let her friends in groups she may be interested in know that she is still wanting to join a sorority...believe me, COB for these groups will not be common knowledge or publisized on campus.

But, I also agree with the posters who feel that her best opportunity to join a sorority ended when she dropped out of recruitment.

[AXOrushadvisor]

I'm sorry recruitment didn't work out for your daughter. Did you prepare your daughter by taking a tour of the house or calling the recruitment advisor for your legacy house? Are you familiar with RFM and was your daughter prepared for large releases even at her legacy chapter.

I have found that most women my age who are not involved in their sorority have no idea how much recruitment has changed and how competitive it is. I judge this by the amount of calls and e-mails I receive after recruitment is over. Every accomplished 18 year old girl is now attending college and many of them go through recruitment. The majority of them that walk through the door are beautiful, have good grades, loads of activities and leadership.

I don't know what happened to your daughter in the process. What I do know is that I would have advised her to stick it out through preference because there is no going back. There has been more then one PNM who has completely changed their mind on their favorite chapter after going all the way through recruitment. I wish your daughter luck with COB I hope that works out for her.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Have you read the other threads on this forum? Really, your post is about the tenth just like it this year. Do a search.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by SECmom629

Furthermore, is it a bad idea to contact the VP of recruitment for that chapter? Or hinting at leaving a large donation upon her graduation? I would never want to do anything to bring her negative attention! Thanks!

Concerned Mother

Speaking as an advisor, I would say please dont do that. Many chapters are not permitted to speak with alumnae/parents concerning such matters and you will likely not even get a response. It may be forwarded to advisors or district/regional advisors and IF you do get a response it may be from one of them and not the chapter. Further, membership selection is private. They will not tell you "what went wrong." They may confirm or deny that your daughter was released or she chose to decline an invitation to return to the chapter, but that will vary org. to org.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by SECmom629

Furthermore, is it a bad idea to contact the VP of recruitment for that chapter? Or hinting at leaving a large donation upon her graduation? I would never want to do anything to bring her negative attention! Thanks!

Concerned Mother

I know how heartbreaking it is to be dropped by your legacy sorority. I was dropped by my legacy group just before prefs, and I'd been confident that I was going to be my mother's sister. Didn't happen, but I didn't drop out of rush because I still had invites from three awesome groups for pref night.

Only negative attention will come from either of those actions. Try both and I'd be willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that every chapter in panhellenic will have heard about how her mommy is trying to push/buy DD's way into ABC sorority. At that point, she could put any thought of being in a sorority on that campus away for good.

Seriously, if you're not a troll, and being in the legacy sorority is so important to both of you, I don't know why you didn't enroll DD in a school where rush isn't so competitive that has a chapter of your sorority, get initiated, and then transfer to the SEC school of choice. (Not that I condone this by any means!) If you're willing to try to bribe her way in, taking a campus detour shouldn't be too abhorrent to you.

Best thing for you to do now is to step away and let her handle it for herself. Listen to her and support her if she's sad, but you can't fix this for her. She is now a young adult. She will have worse things in life happen to her than this, so it's good that she learn how to handle disappointment.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Seriously, if you're not a troll, and being in the legacy sorority is so important to both of you, I don't know why you didn't enroll DD in a school where rush isn't so competitive that has a chapter of your sorority, get initiated, and then transfer to the SEC school of choice. (Not that I condone this by any means!) If you're willing to try to bribe her way in, taking a campus detour shouldn't be too abhorrent to you.

I know that you're being sarcastic, but on the off chance that the OP is totally serious, it would be pointless for her to do this as all the SEC chapters have pretty much gotten hep to it and don't automatically accept transfers.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I know that you're being sarcastic, but on the off chance that the OP is totally serious, it would be pointless for her to do this as all the SEC chapters have pretty much gotten hep to it and don't automatically accept transfers.

Yeah, I know that...

But I also have personal experience with this kind of mother (not mine), but several friends have either had this type of mother and/or now ARE this type of mother.

Maybe just a bullhorn and a hostage negotiator would work: "Madam, please step away from the checkbook!"

(You know, unless she wants to write me a check, then she can PM me for mailing info.)