So discouraged and considering dropping from the sorority...?

[blueyes410]

Hey everyone. So I thought this would be a good place to come and get some insight, because maybe some of you have gone through something like this.

I went through informal rush 2 weeks ago and ended up getting a bid, so I was really happy. I accepted the bid and have gone to a lot of social events with them so far, and everyone has been friendly/nice enough to where I felt comfortable at the events.

However, I am really starting to second-guess my decision. It's only been a week that I've been a pledge, but I feel so discouraged because everyone in my pledge class who pledged together during formal in the fall is reallyyy close with each other & it's really hard to fit into the group. Also, they are all going to be living in the house all year next year together, but I can only live in starting second semester next year.

I've even come to the point today that I considered dropping, but everyone is encouraging me to stick with it because it takes a long time. Does anyone have any comforting words or any advice? Thanks so much

[excelblue]

Don't get discouraged. It does take a long time.

Everyone is encouraging you to stick around because they think you are a good fit, but it's important to remember that this isn't magic. A couple weeks certainly isn't enough to form close bonds.

Try your best to become closer to everyone else in your sorority. You need to do meaningful things with them to build bonds.

If you need ideas, I highly suggest that you consult your new member educator.

As for the specifics:

1.) Social events by themselves don't do much to make you closer to anybody. Bigger things such as studying together, trips, one-on-ones, and small adventures are much more effective.

2.) It sucks not being able to live in the house, but at least you can still hang around the house often (as in, at least a few hours every day).

[honeychile]

The current pledge class probably didn't gel overnight, either. As my mother used to say, "to make a friend, you have to be a friend." Once they see that you want to do things with them, you're going to be friends with these women.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by blueyes410

However, I am really starting to second-guess my decision. It's only been a week that I've been a pledge, but I feel so discouraged because everyone in my pledge class who pledged together during formal in the fall is reallyyy close with each other & it's really hard to fit into the group. Also, they are all going to be living in the house all year next year together, but I can only live in starting second semester next year.

I've even come to the point today that I considered dropping, but everyone is encouraging me to stick with it because it takes a long time. Does anyone have any comforting words or any advice? Thanks so much

They aren't really your pledge class...I assume they've already been initiated. Are there any other new members from recent COB events? If you are the only NM right now, that can be tough, but don't try to conquer Rome in one day. You have your entire pledgeship to get used to the idea of joining AGD. You don't have to be best friends with everyone today. Your job right now is to learn what is required of you in your NM program. You'll be getting a Sister-Mother soon, and that should really help you feel more involved in the chapter. There is room in your sisters' hearts for you as well as their pledge sisters. It's not a competition, so you aren't behind in the race. Put your best effort into getting to know the women in your chapter, and you'll see the benefits of membership in a great organization! Good luck!

[TriDeltaSallie]

Don't give up yet! It does take time. Some women feel the connection when they make one good friend in the chapter. Some women feel the connection when they have a specific role to play such as a committee membership. Others find the connection through being there for a sister who is hurting.

It comes along in different ways for different women. But definitely do not give up a lifetime of sorority membership after only a week! It could even take a few months to really feel connected, but it will happen. Just give it time.

[IndianaSigKap]

When you live out next semester, try to make time to be at the house or with your chapter. My chapter used to have the live outs come to dinner at least once a week to help keep them in the loop. We could pay a little extra money to for meals if we lived out. Do put time into getting to know your sister. All good relationships take time.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by blueyes410

Hey everyone. So I thought this would be a good place to come and get some insight, because maybe some of you have gone through something like this.

I went through informal rush 2 weeks ago and ended up getting a bid, so I was really happy. I accepted the bid and have gone to a lot of social events with them so far, and everyone has been friendly/nice enough to where I felt comfortable at the events.

However, I am really starting to second-guess my decision. It's only been a week that I've been a pledge, but I feel so discouraged because everyone in my pledge class who pledged together during formal in the fall is reallyyy close with each other & it's really hard to fit into the group. Also, they are all going to be living in the house all year next year together, but I can only live in starting second semester next year.

I've even come to the point today that I considered dropping, but everyone is encouraging me to stick with it because it takes a long time. Does anyone have any comforting words or any advice? Thanks so much

QFP

[prettyv]

Don't give up!!!

I was a spring COB too, in a pledge class of 5. Two of the girls were BFFs already, one had been pledged in the fall but couldn't initiate and the other one was a ghost. There were no mixers after I joined either! It definitely took more effort on my part, but it was so worth it! It wasn't until fall recruitment that I truly felt like I "belonged" somewhere in a niche, but you can help yourself out!

- ASK GIRLS TO HANG OUT. I would hear about fraternity party and text/facebook a couple people saying "Hey! Are you going to this?" And then I'd say "mind if I get ready with you at the house?" or something like that.

- Are you staying nearby over the summer? It was so much easier to talk to girls when their bestie went home or when there were less girls around in general.

Give it some more time, I really think it'll be ok!

[PioChiO]

I'm a NM too and you really do get out of it the amount of effort you put. Try to spend some time with your new sisters. If you're really still having doubts when initiation rolls around, that's one thing - but give it time still.

[33girl]

You've only been involved with the sorority for SEVEN DAYS. That isn't nearly enough time to feel that you're being "left out" of things.

prettyv's post has LOTS of good ideas. I forgot about how awesome summer school (or just visiting/being around over summer) can be as far as getting to know your sisters and the Greek community in general. There's no mixers, meetings, or competitions of any kind, so everyone just chills and has a good time together.

[violetpretty]

Not that I'm assuming you won't find your niche in the chapter this semester, because other posters gave great suggestions, but also remember that your chapter is more than the women you will graduate with. I wasn't particularly close with my pledge class. I was closest with my SK family and some sisters who were older and younger than me.

[FleurGirl]

I think people have this crazy idea that just because you're now in the same pledge class you're going to be instant best friends -- insta-friend, just add pledge pin! Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. It probably took me an entire semester to really get to know the girls in my pledge class. Some people are slower to make friends than others are, and there's nothing wrong with that. But like everyone has said, you have to make the effort: go hang out at the house, invite some girls to hang out with you, and put in the time necessary to really get to know people. Odds are that you're not the only girl that came through spring COB; what about reaching out to some of those girls? I'd be willing to bet that at least one other person is feeling the same way you are. In this generation it's becoming more and more normal to think that everyone is doing better and getting along with the rest of the PC than you are. Chances are, that's not true.
One more thing -- stay off facebook, or at least remember that the way people are seen on facebook is the way they WANT to be seen. Only the best pictures are tagged, only the "fun" things are included in status updates, etc, and it's natural to think that everyone's life is better/easier/more fun than yours, when that's probably not the case.
Keep your head up; these things take time.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by 33girl

prettyv's post has LOTS of good ideas. I forgot about how awesome summer school (or just visiting/being around over summer) can be as far as getting to know your sisters and the Greek community in general. There's no mixers, meetings, or competitions of any kind, so everyone just chills and has a good time together.

The summers were my favorite. Less stress, trips to the beach (Presque Isle Beach 6 represent!), informal parties, porch sitting.

[shadokat]

ahhh, agzg! PORCH SITTING! We were on the main street in our town, and we spent SO MANY summer evenings sitting on the porch. There was a huge dip in the sidewalk in front of our house, and it was really comical to watch drunk people try to not fall in it LOL

To the OP, like 33girl said, it's been 7 days. Give it a chance!

[blueyes410]

Thanks so much to everyone, it really REALLY helped encourage me. I also found out that if I stay in it, I will be living in the house for all of next year. I am going to try really hard to push myself and give it some more time!