Conversation problem, advice?

[toquader]

Thanks for the tips!

[sky&sea]

First off, calm down. Getting worked up about it will only make it worse. I don't think smiling and looking at a girl while she's talking is creepy. I think it shows you're paying attention.

Take a few deep breaths and tell yourself, "I can do this. I am a strong, confident woman. These are girls my age. There's nothing to be nervous about."

Just keep thinking positively. You can do this. =)

[AlphaFrog]

PRACTICE.

Strike up conversations with a person you are in line with, sitting next to in class or on the bus, at a party...people you wouldn't normally talk to. Find common ground to start the conversation (Oh, I see you're buying a Tom Clancy novel - he's one of my favorites).

Know what you want to say. Write it down. You don't want to sound like you're reciting, but having your key "selling points" memorized will keep you from random word vomit.

Know that the girl you are talking to is probably just as nervous as you are.

Keep your answers to 30 seconds, MAX, unless you have a ridiculously entertaining story to tell...your listener will have stopped listening after about 30 seconds in most cases.

PRACTICE.

Have your friends write down their favorite things about you. Memorize that list. Refer to it often.

Be yourself. As much as we want to put our best foot forward, if you act like someone you're not, you're going to end up in a house that's not "you". Remember, these girls will see you at your worst: 2am, runny makeup, snotty crying after breaking up with your boyfriend.

PRACTICE.

Good luck.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Know that the girl you are talking to is probably just as nervous as you are.

This is the biggest thing to keep in mind. She's probably tired of asking people what their major is, what dorm they live in etc...but there are certain subjects sorority members aren't supposed to talk about in rush and she's more than likely afraid she's going to come out with one of them.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes - it helps a lot.

[BAckbOwlsgIrl]

SMARTY PANTS!!!

Why do I say this?
Because people who talk fast are SMART.

I have the same problem. My mind runs so fast that my talking tries to keep up with it.

Like everyone else said, just slow down. Although, I have learned that sometimes that does not help!

Or another you say is "I know I talk fast sometimes, I just have a lot of energy. Can you tell?!" That can break the ice a little. Or "I only had half a pot of coffee today! Really, I did." Those things work for me. Acknowledging it and having fun with it will make you and them feel comfortable. But, don't dwell on it too much. They are just as nervous and excited as you are!

Hope this helps!

[AlphaFrog]

Just because your mind runs fast doesn't mean the thoughts running through it are intelligent.

[preciousjeni]

I'm not at all a social person, but I get by through acting. I pay attention to my speech and mannerisms when I'm at ease with friends and family. In stressful situations, I act like myself.

It sounds so crazy, but once you emotionally disengage a bit from a stressful situation, it's easier to relax. When you relax, conversation is easier. Then, at some point, you find that you're actually enjoying yourself and conversation is fun.

[KSUViolet06]

I'm very similar (shy in new situations), so I was super nervous while going through recruitment (I went through informal but it was still stressful for me.)

I get past it by doing what AlphaFrog said. Talking to people. Yes, it sucks at first, but it really does help.

It's also good practice for things after college like job interviews, networking events, etc. when you don't have a choice but to talk to people.

[GeorgiaGreek]

Originally Posted by toquader

Then when it's my turn to talk, I try to be positive, smile, steer the conversation away from the basic questions that I HATE answering by bringing something else up. Which basically means I talk a lot, and because I'm nervous, I talk FAST.

The result of all this? I creepily smile/stare down a girl while she's talking and then as soon as its my turn to talk, I run my mouth about pointless stuff in my attempt to appear outgoing and talkative.

One thing that might help is thinking about the things that you DO want to tell them about yourself, and then how that could tie in to the basic questions you are likely to be asked (major, which dorm, classes, etc.).

For example, if you might want to talk about how you're an avid horseback rider (just a made-up example), when asked about your major you could talk about how you might be pre-vet because of that. Or, if you're living in an all-girls dorm you can say something about how you're used to it because you have 6 sisters or something (if that's true, of course).
Expect questions like these and think about how you want to maybe steer the conversation towards a topic you want to talk about. And by steer I don't mean force.

It also helps to know that the girls rushing you are probably also nervous. Trust me, it's pretty nerve-wracking to be on the other side of rush too. If you think you're blabbering about nothing, there's a pretty good chance that the girl you are talking it is relieved that you're actually saying something!

Good luck!

[psusue]

Practice makes perfect of course but if you're going through recruitment now there may not be much time. The way I looked at it as an active (since I never went through formal as a PNM) was just to try to have a fun conversation with another girl or two and see where it goes. I know that you really want to be in a sorority right now and that is what you are focusing on but I promise, if you chill out a bit, it will be a better experience for you overall.

Think of it this way, do you start trying to sell your personality to a guy on the first date? Do you start thinking seriously about marriage or what to name your kids? No, you have a conversation and see where it goes. Recruitment is much the same thing. Try to lower the stakes for yourself and I think you will have a better experience, even if you don't actually get a bid. If nothing else this is excellent preparation for future job and internship interviews.

So seriously, take some deep breaths. Don't overanalyze it too much; you will drive yourself crazy. Call family members and friends for support, that's what they're there for! Best of luck, let us know how everything goes.