Depledging before initiation

dorian7 · #1 11-03-2010, 10:02 PM

I've been heavily considering depledging my fraternity because it just wasn't what I expected. The brotherhood is not very close whatsoever and I don't bond well with my pledge class. The bad thing is, i told myself I'd stick through with it until initiation was coming up and give it a chance, I'm just worried if I depledge this late (6 weeks into pledgeship) that other fraternities won't give me a fair shot in spring or fall rush cause I made the wrong decision in the previous rush. Will other houses hold the fact that I stayed in pledgeship this long against me if I rush in a future semester?

knight_shadow · #2 11-03-2010, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dorian7

I've been heavily considering depledging my fraternity because it just wasn't what I expected. The brotherhood is not very close whatsoever and I don't bond well with my pledge class. The bad thing is, i told myself I'd stick through with it until initiation was coming up and give it a chance, I'm just worried if I depledge this late (6 weeks into pledgeship) that other fraternities won't give me a fair shot in spring or fall rush cause I made the wrong decision in the previous rush. Will other houses hold the fact that I stayed in pledgeship this long against me if I rush in a future semester?

We aren't in the other fraternities, so we don't know whether or not they'll hold it against you.

You should technically be able to join something else if you drop, but the fact that you accepted a bid at your current house may turn members of other fraternities off.

33girl · #3 11-03-2010, 11:11 PM

k_s, between your sushi signature and DrPhil's pizza signature, I'm getting really damn hungry.

knight_shadow · #4 11-03-2010, 11:13 PM

This won't help: I'm cooking pork chops

sherrybaby · #5 11-04-2010, 12:56 AM

i can't really speak to what the fraternities at your school (or really any fraternities) will think, but i will say that you can put a positive spin on waiting so long to depledge: you were really giving that chapter a chance and trying to find your place there. that kind of perseverance and open-mindedness (trying to look past any initial reactions to see what the chapter was really like) might be looked at as a plus, not a minus, if you "sell" it the right way, although as i mentioned, i can't really say whether this will hold true for fraternities at your school

excelblue · #6 11-04-2010, 02:13 AM

Have you talked to your own fraternity about it?

They've been around you and they know you well. They will probably be able to provide details on if you've just simply not warmed up enough, or if you actually just aren't that good of a fit.

Kevin · #7 11-04-2010, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by excelblue

Have you talked to your own fraternity about it?

This. Strangers on the internet aren't going to be able to offer you good advice. What's the worst that can happen? You ask them about it and they don't let you in?

JonInKC · #8 11-05-2010, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherrybaby

i can't really speak to what the fraternities at your school (or really any fraternities) will think, but i will say that you can put a positive spin on waiting so long to depledge: you were really giving that chapter a chance and trying to find your place there. that kind of perseverance and open-mindedness (trying to look past any initial reactions to see what the chapter was really like) might be looked at as a plus, not a minus, if you "sell" it the right way, although as i mentioned, i can't really say whether this will hold true for fraternities at your school

I agree. Maybe for sororities there might be more of a stigma. I can think of several guys in our chapter who were pledges of other fraternities...some times some one just doesn't fit in. I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal. Don't bad mouth anyone, just say that you don't feel it was the house for you. If you're a good fit for another house, you're a good fit for another house.

However I might add that if you were a problem in your former pledge class, this may come back to bite you in the ass. People in the greek community know people in other houses and they talk.

lucgreek · #9 11-05-2010, 01:29 AM

At face value, yes. You may join another group if you drop before initation.

However...

Different schools have different stigmas. If someone was to depledge one of the fraternities at my school, the others would not offer the person a bid if they rushed the next semester. Even if there is nothing wrong with the person, the guy still has former XYZ pledge attached to his name. Our fraternity community is small, but I've heard it can be like this on other campuses, big and small.

Did you rush and receive bids to other groups that you declined this fall? Why did you pick this group over the others? Is your campus big/small?

Everything is situational, but you know your campus best.

JonInKC · #10 11-05-2010, 02:06 AM

Let me play devils' advocate for a minute if I may...suppose the OP is pledging a chapter where he feels that his pledge brothers are shanes and the brothers are douche bags. He sounds like he wouldn't be happy there. Why initiate and spend all that money if he'll be unhappy and probably de-activate anyway? Because he pledged a house that he discovered wasn't what he wanted, should he now forego the Greek experience entirely?

ETA: I say this not knowing the particulars of the OP's story. Dorian, could you be more specific in what you mean by not bonding with your pledge brothers or the actives not being close? If you could got a bid from another house, what would be different this time? How are you sure the problem is not you?

knight_shadow · #11 11-05-2010, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInKC

Because he pledged a house that he discovered wasn't what he wanted, should he now forego the Greek experience entirely?

We can throw sympathy at him, but that still won't force other fraternities on his campus to give him a chance. It COULD happen, but again -- his involvement with his current GLO may turn the members of other fraternities off.

lucgreek · #12 11-05-2010, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInKC

Let me play devils' advocate for a minute if I may...suppose the OP is pledging a chapter where he feels that his pledge brothers are shanes and the brothers are douche bags.

That would work even less in his favor. Why would another house want some dude who depledged right before initiation at a "bottom-tier" chapter?

dorian7 · #13 11-06-2010, 10:17 AM

I did get bids from other fraternities and the fraternity I'm at now isn't bottom tier, it's just not at all what I expected. I actually turned down one house that I really liked because they were on social probation only to find out the house I did pledge was also on social probation, they just ducked around the question during rush. I have a lot more friends in other fraternities right now then in my own, and it's not from lack of trying. I hang out at the house alot, I just don't feel comfortable there. I obviously wouldn't become initiated at a fraternity I don't feel I belong in, so I guess the question now would be, as far as rush goes, would you suggest I wait until next fall rush and wait for my depledging to blow over or not be afraid to rush spring? Basically, I'm just curious what would be acceptable on your particular campuses.