A Prospective who hates females

wanabe · #1 10-30-2001, 11:27 PM

As a freshman, I use to hang out with this girl, whom we will call "Mary." Myself, Mary and a few other girls were inseparable. We shared secrets as most freshman do when they first get to college, and I learned that she and I both wanted to join the same organization And by coincidence, we were both legacies of this organization. Later on in the year I learned that she had some previous problems in high school with female friends...and she directly stated that she Hated females. She tried to explain that she doesn't mind hanging out with other girls, but due to the distress that these previous friends had on her life, she continued to say how much she really hated females, and how she doesn't consider anyone at her present university a 'true friend.' So of course I was upset to hear, that after spending a year with this girl, I was just an acquaintance. Now we are sophomores, and a couple of weeks ago she had the audacity to give a public speech (for a grade) in her Oral Communications class about how shady females were, etc. However, Mary still wants to pledge this spring! And my thing is...even though I don't hang around her as much, I fear that she might actually make line. Ladies, have you ever been in this situation before? How do I explain that sisterhood is apart of being in a Soroity. Or should i even bother?

Zepher22 · #2 10-31-2001, 12:32 PM

Hi, while I'm not in any greek letter organization yet, your post really hit home for me.
I, too, used to be one that "hated females" and preferred guy friends any day. I had taken a few negative situations in my past (like my best female friend of eight years totally dissing the hell out of me in middle school) and had blown things way out of proportion. I then began to analyze other people's female friendships. I witnessed plenty of back stabbing and gossiping and I used to say to myself, "I could NEVER have a female best friend"
Then I started to look at male friendships. Needless to say, males do forgive each other faster than females forgive other females. And needless to say, when a male meets another male for the very first time, there is a minimal amount of the head-to-toe look over and the "evil eye" as I like to call it... But men have a whole 'nother set of problems to deal with in their relationships... like if a dude is not "hard" enough, he may get dissed. A male virgin is practically ostracized by other males as opposed to the "Hmmm, that's interesting" other females say when acquainted with a female who is a virgin.
Of course, these are all generalities. But I learned that all relationships, regardless of the sex of the other person, requires give an take. What also changed my mind was a girl I met freshman year in college that totally understood me, and to this day we are very tight.
I think your friend just needs to experience more in life... meet new people... and take that scary first step of actually TRYING to make friends with, and understand, other females. By her wishing to join a female organization, this may be her way of indirectly attempting this feat. She may actually be tired of saying, "I hate females, and females are shady," and wants to experience positive friendships with people of the same sex.
Perhaps you should have a heart to heart with her and ask her (in a non-threatening way) what are her motives for wanting to join this organization. As a senior in college, I can honestly say I felt EXACTLY the way your friend does when I was a sophomore. Miracles can happen in two years when you experience new things and remove yourself from old environments. Honestly, a deep-seated hatred of any sex will not get you very far in life. If your friend wants to be successful in this world (and I assume she does since she is pursuing higher education) an objective view of individuals is a must. I think her motives for joining this organization, just may be the right vehicle for this change to occur for her. Again, have a serious talk with her. Her "I hate females" attitude may just be shell covering something deeper.

Lizanabavi · #3 10-31-2001, 05:51 PM

Hello Wanabe,

How are you? Fine I hope.

I have read what you wrote in it's entirety and I must say that you have experienced a great deal. What I am about to write I hope that it may help you along the way.

In this world there are a variety of people. People who see things happen. People who want things to happen. And people who make things happen. I can understand how you are feeling because I have felt that way once before in my life. But... you must be cognizant that you CAN NOT change people. Once a person has made up in their mind that they are going to behave in a certain manner, there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. If a person does not like you, nothing that you ever do will be right. NOTHING. Wanabe, the sooner you figure that out the better off you'll be. This young lady has already decided that she is going to be the way that she is. No amount of coddling on your part is going to change that. Instead of waiting for her to change... you change. Focus on what you can do to make yourself a better person. Being the best that YOU can be, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

When you do that, everything else will fall into place. Now mind you... I am not a member of a sorority and I recognize my position. But if you are going to be concerned about what someone thinks... please let it be someone who is a member of the sorority. I am quite sure that if you have picked up on this young lady's ways -then the members of that chapter have also.

Remember... "You know a virtuous woman by her works".

wanabe · #4 10-31-2001, 06:28 PM

Thanks Liz and Zeph. I really appreciate your input. You are so right, I guess I can't really see my friend is coming from, b/c most of the friendships that I start, I make an effort to maintain them. Liz, you are so right when you say that you can't change everyone. And I think that was what I was trying to do, by making her believe that all females are NOT shady. My biggest fear is that if she would make line, she would cause several internal conflicts among the members. Of course she is going to lie when she goes to the info sessions and say how much she loves sisterhood etc. But now I know, that is not my problem. Thanks again!

Lizanabavi · #5 10-31-2001, 10:51 PM

You're Welcome...

Wanabe,

What could this young lady possibly tell you about becoming a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated? She is NOT ONE!!! I say this respectfully... she has not been invited into, or paid the first due financially to that organization.

She is in the same position that you(we) are in. And as far as her "causing trouble 'on-line' ". She has to get there first -I really feel that you are worrying about the "wrong thing". You just need to make sure that you have yourself together, and pray that you are one of the "chosen" when the time comes.

BeeJae · #6 11-05-2001, 10:31 AM

A female who hates females actually hates herself....

DSTSolo01 · #7 11-07-2001, 06:17 PM

Wanabe, I can understand your friend's situation. I had been stabbed in the back by multiple female friends. I also thought a lot of females were fake and petty and never had a lot of female friends before becoming a member of DST. Before Delta, I was known for always saying, "I don't do females.." But my process changed that. I'm sure it would for anyone. When I was still an interestee, I never told anyone "I love sisterhood" because, in fact, I didn't even know what sisterhood was. But now, I have thousands of women whom I can call "sister" and "soror". But I know that I will come across some Deltas who may not like me as a person, and some that I won't like as a person. But I will always love them as a sister, and I will never let outside pettiness and foolishness undermine what we have committed our lives to - Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated. That's what sisterhood is.
So, in conclusion, I learned what sisterhood was through becoming a member of DST. And what are the three fundamental principles we stand for?

- Sisterhood
- Scholarship
- Service

I hope this helps.

Alexis
#1, Braveheart
SOLO
Rho Iota, Spring 2001

shani · #8 02-03-2002, 08:32 AM

CrimsonTide4 · #9 02-03-2002, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by shani
[B]

Well, I think that she has the twisted her words. Because I have one close girl friend but, I really don't get along with girls cause they always seem to stab me in my back. If you are not the type of girl that she is describing then there should be no hard feellings. Also, because of my lack of girl friends, is what first interested me to join a sorority. A sorority that represents REAL sisterhood, a sorority that are not girls but, WOMEN in every sense of the word.

This might be totally off topic but stick with me and you might find something that applies to your situation.

Every woman's first friend was their mother in a sense. We learned how to be women from our mothers and our grandmothers, aunts, etc. So if this young lady and any others find women to be shady, it has to do with the company she keeps.

Not every female that I had as a friend was REALLY my friend. There is schiestiness everywhere, however, as you grow older and if God has given you a spirit of discernment, you are able to see the women who are FRIEND material and those who are not you need to love from a distance.

I agree with Beejae that a woman who hates other females is uncomfortable with herself (not necessarily hate). When you hate someone who is like you in some way, that means you are uncomfortable with that very same thing that is either in you or missing from you.

Joining a sorority should not be the MEANS of beginning to seek SISTERHOOD or be the way which you show SISTERHOOD. I showed SISTERHOOD before I became a DELTA. I continue to show it but not just within the SORORITY. I was called Sister CT4 in the church and I watched the women of the church -- another more informal sorority, if you will -- interact with one another. Stretching the whole "sorority theme", every woman who has women friends has a sorority so to speak minus the service and dues and other issues related to the formal organizations that DST, AKA, Z PhiB, and SGRho model, so every woman has some form of sisterhood training.

What did I say?

I really don't know.

I simply wanted you and anyone to know that SISTERHOOD starts from within and it SHOULD begin LONG before you get to college looking to join DELTA, AKA, Zeta or S G Rho.

When I look at you, I see myself, If my eyes are unable to see you as my sister, it is because my own vision is blurred. And if that be so, then it is I who need you either because I do not understand who you are, my sister or because I need you to help me understand who I am.

Soror Lillian P. Benbow
Past National President 1971-1975