Exgirlfriends that need to GO AWAY!

maggieaxid · #1 10-21-2001, 06:37 PM

Ok, I have a little bit of a problem. My boyfriend (we'll call him Paul) and i have been dating for about 9 mos. and we just moved in together. And everything normally is really good between us.
however, he has this exgirlfriend (we'll call her kim) who just can't seem to let go. Now, she lives in the same town we do, knows we live together, we run into her everyonce in awhile and I am always cordial, i say hi, i don't hang on paul, i don't do anything that would make her or myself or my boyfriend overly uncomfortable.
but this weekend we saw her a bunch of times and she was sooo rude to me! my boyfriend and i would be talking and she would run up and put herself between the two of us, continuelly call him, and i would say hi to her or something and she would turn her back on me or give me a dirty look or mumble "bitch" or "slut" under her breath.i told my boyfriend this and he said to just let it go and chalk it up to her being immature and obnoxious. but he never says anything to her about it and now i am getting really pissed off.
so would it be wrong for me to confront her next time i saw her?

justamom · #2 10-21-2001, 06:48 PM

Who broke up with who? How long did they date? Lots of background here that should be considered. Off the cuff, he should be the one to distance himself. Could he be enjoying the attention a tad too much? If it is escalating, you may want to keep an eye on the "signals" he's sending her.

The1calledTKE · #3 10-21-2001, 06:53 PM

Your bf should say something to her. Break her heart again and maybe she will finally get a clue.

AOIIAngel · #4 10-21-2001, 06:54 PM

Oh my god, I had that SAME problem! And he kept saying 'she is a really good friend' Whatever! I didn't confront her-If she knows it bothers you then she will just keep doing it. Tell your man that HE needs to tell her to back off. She is coming around to get his(and your) attention, but if he tells her to stop and she doesnt, well then you can say-Look, Paul isnt interested in you, you need to leave him alone. And if THANT doesnt work-RESTRAINING ORDER cause this girl has ISSUES.

Sorry, like I said, been through it-it sucks Good luck

maggieaxid · #5 10-21-2001, 07:21 PM

yeah, i am getting to the restraining order point myself.

here is some background: they dated for a year in hs. and then off and on for three more years while they were in college, but they were long distance relationship and they were both cheating on each other really badly. then finally after HE ran into her hooking up with another guy at a bar one night and then she called him the following day (it was valentines day) he broke it off with her completely.
when he and i first got together (about 3 mos. after they broke up) she had a new boyfriend and never bothered us. but since they broke up she "needs someone to talk to" (totally bs!) and apparently she needs "someone to talk to" every weekend! and its just getting really annoying now.
he keeps telling me how much he loves me, and that he doesn't want to be with her, and that they are "just friends", ect. and it really is her putting in 90% of the effort.

so i don't know what to do!

5

KSigkid · #6 10-21-2001, 07:54 PM

It's really up to him to confront her - if it's become this big of a problem, there's really no reason for him not to tell her to back off, and that he's in a new relationship. If she really just wants someone to talk to, then she'll understand that and not infringe on ya'lls relationship. If she doesn't back off - then that should be a red flag to your boyfriend that this woman has some serious problems, and then maybe both of you need to talk to her, kinda of a "hitting her from all sides" approach.

aephi alum · #7 10-21-2001, 08:57 PM

I agree; he needs to talk to her, and remind her that they're broken up, he's moved on, and she needs to do the same.

James · #8 10-22-2001, 01:04 AM

Actually . . . I have no sympathy here . . . not your fault, its just that usually girls have that "just friend" they hang with . . . Chris Rock's penis under glass . . .

But seriously, its usually women that have the ex- they are friends with still, because they are afraid of being alone and he is comfortable . . .

So its kind of nice to see the tables turned

amycat412 · #9 10-22-2001, 03:30 AM

HE definitely needs to talk to her. Have found, sadly, from personal experience on both sides of this issue, that its the guy who doesn't close the door all the way on the relationship and that keeps the ex coming back and back--cause his lack of closing it off for good with her leads her to believe there is hope. Yeah. you guys living togehter SHOULD do it-- but he needs to definitevely tell her--ITS OVER, LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP CALLING MAGGIE NAMES, I LOVE HER.

Good luck!
Amy

maggieaxid · #10 10-22-2001, 09:08 AM

Of course we had a fight about it last night. He had decided to go to a bar with "the guys" to watch the baseball game and i wanted to stay in and chill out. Of course "Kim" was there and she was like "where is the ball and chain?, she actually let you out without her tagging along? i ddin't know you could go out by yourself!", ect. .
he said that he just blew her off and that she is just immature. whatever! i am sick of being "the mature one". by the end of the fight he said that this was between me and her and not his problem and i could do or say whatever i want, but if i did i was doing exactly what she wants me to do. to get pissed off at him...which is probably true. however, i am sick of bitting my tounge every time she opens her big mouth!
so things may come to blow sooner or later. it may take a beer or two, but the possiblity of me saying something like "please remove yourself out of my boyfriends ass" is going to slip sooner or later!

damasa · #11 10-22-2001, 09:15 AM

I think the best thing to do would be to confront her when your boyfriend isn't around, if you do infact run into her when you are not with him. That will avoid putting him in a compromising situation between a gf and an ex-gf. Even though she is his ex, he might still have some kind of connection with her. i'm not talking about love, attraction, desire or any of that. But there is probably some sort of friendship there. See, if he is well aware of the situation between her and you, he might be trying to stay out of it so he doesn't hurt "her" feelings. It might sound completely stupido, but if you think about, there's good reasoning. He knows her, he has some kind of connecton with her so he doesn't want to delibrately hurt her. You on the other hand don't know her. You only know she is his ex, and that she is being a severe biotch and trying to get between you two. He probably wants you to settle it out with her because there is no connection between you and her, so there are no bad feelings from you when you snap on the heffer! So, back to the main point, confront her when you aren't with him, set her straight, tell her how it is.
But, I wouldn't be too worried, she just sounds like she is trying to be scandalous.

d

KillarneyRose · #12 10-22-2001, 04:24 PM

Maggie,
Have you ever read Dear Abby? Sometimes she tells the person writing her with a problem to cut out the column the letter appeared in and show it to the person they're writing about. Maybe you could try that with your boyfriend? Maybe print out this thread and let him read it. He might be able to see some aspects of your situation that for whatever reason he is missing when you try to talk to him about it. Maybe when he sees how detrimental his ex girlfriend's sniveling and bitching is to your relationship, a light bulb will go on over his head and he'll have a talk with her.

Tom Earp · #13 10-22-2001, 05:33 PM

The physco Bitch from Hell

Well tell B/F get it straightened out or hit the road!

Some of these MORONIC people can be Nutsoid!

Protect yourself in the clinches and cover your back at all times, hit below the belt if Ya have to!!!!

If you and he have a good thing, let him know it it is a U 2, not a threesome!!

Unless they are trying to bring the new math back, 1 + 1 does not = 3

maggieaxid · #14 10-22-2001, 05:36 PM

My boyfriend and i have since resolved some of the issues. After getting really upset about all this for like the 3rd time, his mom had stopped by to drop off some holloween cookies, and found me crying about it while he was out walking the dog.
after some prying i finally told her what was going on and why i was so upset. and she gave me a bit of insight about the former relationship between "kim" and "paul". and she pointed out that she had never seen her son so committed and so happy and that he isn't hearing the issue, he is just seeing it as "maggie is threatened by kim and how he isn't doing his job in keeping me secure in our relationship so he lashes out about it."....ok, that i will kinda agree with.
so when he came in, she sat the two of us down and talked about it, insted of my crying and him getting all pissy with me and we sorted it out a little bit. her advice to him was to tell "kim" that he has moved on and she is welcome to be his friend, but needs to treat me and our relationship with respect, and if she doesn't then their friendship needs to end.
And i need to remain keeping my cool and class to a point. If she crosses the line, then tell her flat out.
so what do you all think?