Am I psychotic or is this normal?

PiKA2001 · #1 01-22-2009, 12:03 AM

So I'm dating this girl for about two months now that i'm really into. I'm always thinking about her when I'm not with her, texting, calling, etc. I'm pretty sure she fancies me too ( I know for a fact she loves the attention I give her) but the problem is I don't really "like" her. We have nothing in common, are completely different in attitude and lifestyle, share none of the same ambitions and so forth. A lot of times we have trouble carrying out a decent conversation with each other, but it's the things left unsaid that draws me in. I feel so comfortable and at ease when she's by my side, like we connect on some level that can't be explained. She's asked me before why I like her, and to be honest I had a hard time coming up with things other than the fact that I love the way I feel when I'm with her. I've never been in a relationship like this one before and almost feel like it may be unhealthy in some way, or maybe I've just been single too long and don't recognize a good thing when I see it.

KSUViolet06 · #2 01-22-2009, 12:59 AM

You like someone that you can't carry on a conversation with?

Well, what IS it about her that you like exactly?

Is she putting out or something?

I'm being totally serious.

PM_Mama00 · #3 01-22-2009, 01:03 AM

Why do you feel that you don't "like" her? If you love the way you feel when you're with her, and you're always thinking about her, it sounds like you do like her. Sometimes not knowing WHY you like someone isn't so bad. Maybe you're scared that you'll get hurt because you have been single for a while. Maybe you're diggin single life. Or maybe you just like the attention from her. If it's been a couple months, your feelings should be coming through. If you like her, show her. But if you eventually realize that you don't like her more than a friend, please tell her. Don't let her end up confused (ahem). Don't let it get to the point of wrapping yourself up like a burrito. Good luck. You're a good guy.

preciousjeni · #4 01-22-2009, 03:05 AM

It's probably her pheromones. I've had the same thing happen to me.

Kevin · #5 01-22-2009, 03:24 AM

I'm glad she 'fancies' you.

At any rate, who really cares? If you're compatible, i.e., if you feel at ease with her, what's the big deal? If you see something in the future which could doom our relationship, is that a deal breaker? Are you really looking for 'the one'?

By your register date, I'm assuming you're about as old as I am. No worries... you have plenty of time to figure this out. My advice is to just enjoy the moment. If it works? Terrific. If not? Move on.

If you decide to marry? Get a prenup

Army Wife'79 · #6 01-22-2009, 10:02 AM

It's a ying yang thing. She balances you out. Many couples are polar opposites (hubby and I are and we're together 26 years. ) I am shallow, ditzy, high strung type "A" and he's laid back, serious, very cerebral, intellectual type. The only thing we agree on is money. If you both have different money habits, it will NOT work long term. (i.e. a spender and a saver).

ree-Xi · #7 01-22-2009, 02:05 PM

It could be phermones, like someone said. It can also be a "ying yang" thing as well. My husband and I are quite different in many ways, but are similar in the ways that really count - we have the same sense of humor, we are both very honest (sometimes brutally honest, but it works for us), we share the same morals, we share similar lifestyle goals (including money), and look out for each other.

Over time, we grew to enjoy some of each others' interests. I think that another person's passion for something can be contagious. It makes you want to figure out why they like it so much.

If you enjoy only the physical chemistry (and I don't just mean sex), make sure you let her know. By your bestowing all this attention on her, I can guarantee that she is reading a lot more into it than you may be intending. And your first sentence, that you think she fancies you TOO, makes me wonder if you are trying to dissect things too much.

I suggest you spend some time thinking about what you really want from her, and make sure that she wants the same from you. Otherwise, let her go sooner than later.

RU OX Alum · #8 01-22-2009, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

So I'm dating this girl for about two months now that i'm really into. I'm always thinking about her when I'm not with her, texting, calling, etc. I'm pretty sure she fancies me too ( I know for a fact she loves the attention I give her) but the problem is I don't really "like" her. We have nothing in common, are completely different in attitude and lifestyle, share none of the same ambitions and so forth. A lot of times we have trouble carrying out a decent conversation with each other, but it's the things left unsaid that draws me in. I feel so comfortable and at ease when she's by my side, like we connect on some level that can't be explained. She's asked me before why I like her, and to be honest I had a hard time coming up with things other than the fact that I love the way I feel when I'm with her. I've never been in a relationship like this one before and almost feel like it may be unhealthy in some way, or maybe I've just been single too long and don't recognize a good thing when I see it.

This might sound strange, but maybe you like things about her you don't realize. Okay, so you feel at ease, like being around her. You said in this post that is the things left unsaid that you like, so there is another thing. Does she do nice things for you? Those you could mention the next time she asks that.

As far as the conversation thing, just start talking about any random thing that comes to mind. She'll do the same and it will wander but should be a good talk if you are compatible and if not then you'll find out.

agzg · #9 01-22-2009, 02:30 PM

I hate Prison Break. I watch it because my boyfriend likes to watch it.

He hates Gossip Girl. He watches it because I like to watch it.

I'm going to learn how to ski. I can't think of anything more terrifying, short of walking down the aisle.

Perhaps, since the chemistry is so strong and you really like her aura or whatever, you can find things you like to do together or will do together so that you have something in common.

gpb1874 · #10 01-22-2009, 03:27 PM

My hubby and I are pretty different. He's conservative, likes to hunt, fish and be outside; has a scientific brain (double major in oil and natural gas engineering). I'm more liberal, don't like the outdoors so much (it's too dang hot in S. Texas) and have a degree in history. We think differently, we like to do different things, we watch different shows (some similar) and we do handle money differently (this is def. a challenge, but we usually work through it and separate accounts are a must for us!).

But you know what, it really works for us. I like learning from him and experincing new things with him and it works that way for him too. We don't have too much in common, but really enjoy each other's company and are willing to compromise so we each get our own way. He's a major talker, so we nearly always have something to talk about.

If it works, it works. We've been together for almost 15 years (dating + marriage) and are completley committed to each other, although we couldn't tell you why! It just works and sometimes that's how it is.

RU OX Alum · #11 01-22-2009, 05:40 PM

that was a good story gpb

DrPhil · #12 01-22-2009, 05:59 PM

Get a dog.

They make you comfortable and you don't have to talk to them.

If you don't really "like" her then there's little to discuss. It's not about the ying and the yang and completing each other. You two don't even have the basics yet so getting the ying and yang part is a little bit away.

You don't have to "like" someone all the time but if you dislike them more than you like them, that's almost loving someone (or simply enjoying the attention they give you, which sounds of a lonely person or someone who is infactuated with comfort and promises of the unknown) without respecting or being able to stomach them.

I was told that you know to call it quits when the person begins to disgust you more often than not. When you're like "gah...shuttup...why do you even exist" or you can't connect enough to have a conversation.

preciousjeni · #13 01-22-2009, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

When you're like "gah...shuttup...why do you even exist"

That's me and my ex right there! LOL! It was over loooong before we formally broke it off.

ThetaDancer · #14 01-22-2009, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I was told that you know to call it quits when the person begins to disgust you more often than not. When you're like "gah...shuttup...why do you even exist" or you can't connect enough to have a conversation.

Yep, you pretty much summed up my relationship with my ex toward the end of it!

DrPhil · #15 01-22-2009, 06:49 PM

preciousjeni and ThetaDancer: I'm SO glad these are your exes.

It's normal to not like your partner all the time. It's normal to not like ANYONE all the time who potentially gets on your nerves (kids included).

I think a lot of folks are fascinated with "what ifs" and these romanticized differences that they fail to see when "you're just not that into each other."