Advice about engagement

purpleskies · #1 02-25-2009, 01:44 AM

I have been engaged for a few months, am currently in university, and am unsure how long i am going to stay in school. my fiancee wants to get married in 3 years, only problem is money (right now, haven't got my career figured out, and my fiance does not have any money saved yet. so i was wondering, do you think it is a mistake to be engaged if you have doubts about finances. i was at the time, a little surprised that he proposed, but i do love him a lot and said yes. i am hoping if i stay engaged, that finances will change in a few years, and how would you approach discussing with your partner about saving money/paying off debts.

phisiglindsey · #2 02-25-2009, 02:10 AM

If you are engaged to someone, you should be able to bring up the issue of finances. 3 years is a long time, but a VERY significant time to get your finances in order. Take the time to sit down with your fiance and figure the issues out. Even though you are unsure of what to do as far as your career, it is never too late to start saving and paying off debt. I wouldn't want to marry into debt.

AGDee · #3 02-25-2009, 07:45 AM

I think it's fine to be engaged for a long time if you wait until the finances are stable to get married. I wouldn't be setting a wedding date until both of you are working in your chosen careers.

Munchkin03 · #4 02-25-2009, 10:53 AM

I'm of the school where you don't even GET engaged without having a talk about financial goals like retirement; also, by the time you're in that serious of a relationship, you should be able to tell for yourself how your significant other is about savings, debt (good and bad), and that sort of thing.

I was on the way to getting engaged, and I saw for myself how my ex was with money (we were both in school before that and didn't see how our financial goals differed), and I ended it without looking back. I didn't want a life of living paycheck-to-paycheck. Also, I realized how his family differed from mine in terms of saving for retirement, the fact that they didn't treat their home equity like an ATM, and all that good stuff. We had completely different values when it came to what we considered a "comfortable lifestyle," and that was too much for me to handle.

KSUViolet06 · #5 02-25-2009, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I'm of the school where you don't even GET engaged without having a talk about financial goals like retirement; also, by the time you're in that serious of a relationship, you should be able to tell for yourself how your significant other is about savings, debt (good and bad), and that sort of thing.

This is SO important. So many people ignore this aspect of their relationship, because "they're im love, and money doesn't matter." If you aren't ready to have a serious talk about money, you aren''t ready to get married.

Finances do matter. If you both view finances totally differently, it will most likely cause some problems in your relationship. For example, if your financial goals include saving for a home and for retirement, but your fiance gets payday loans every week and pays his bills whenever he feels like it, that's going to cause alot of conflict in your marriage.

Kevin · #6 02-25-2009, 03:02 PM

If you have any assets you want to protect if things should go sour, and they might, I don't care what you're thinking now, think about getting an antenuptial agreement.

VandalSquirrel · #7 02-25-2009, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I'm of the school where you don't even GET engaged without having a talk about financial goals like retirement; also, by the time you're in that serious of a relationship, you should be able to tell for yourself how your significant other is about savings, debt (good and bad), and that sort of thing.

I was on the way to getting engaged, and I saw for myself how my ex was with money (we were both in school before that and didn't see how our financial goals differed), and I ended it without looking back. I didn't want a life of living paycheck-to-paycheck. Also, I realized how his family differed from mine in terms of saving for retirement, the fact that they didn't treat their home equity like an ATM, and all that good stuff. We had completely different values when it came to what we considered a "comfortable lifestyle," and that was too much for me to handle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is SO important. So many people ignore this aspect of their relationship, because "they're im love, and money doesn't matter." If you aren't ready to have a serious talk about money, you aren''t ready to get married.

Finances do matter. If you both view finances totally differently, it will most likely cause some problems in your relationship. For example, if your financial goals include saving for a home and for retirement, but your fiance gets payday loans every week and pays his bills whenever he feels like it, that's going to cause alot of conflict in your marriage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

If you have any assets you want to protect if things should go sour, and they might, I don't care what you're thinking now, think about getting an antenuptial agreement.

I completely agree with all of this, and premarital counseling.

purpleskies · #8 02-26-2009, 02:30 PM

thanks for the advice. yes, right now we do look at money differently, i am more of a saver, and he likes to spend his money more freely, and still has a student loan to pay off- so i am concerned and don't know how to talk to him about this. ive tried to tell him to start saving, it's a good thing that we're waiting a few years to get married.