Right to Challenge?

displacedgreek · #1 02-16-2009, 12:33 AM

I just finished rush not that long ago and knew I had gotten into the right sorority!

The younger girls (sophomores) I met were all really sweet and were interested in having fun just like me (even though I'm a junior)

But, I got a strange online message from a sister asking to meet with me after our composite pictures and I agreed.

After meeting her I found out a co-worker had badmouthed me to a sister after seeing on facebook that I got into this chapter. The sister was relaying the information to me since the sister who had talked to my co-worker simply passed along the information.

The situation is being portrayed like I took advantage of my friendship with the manager to get a special favor that no one else could have gotten and the sisters are saying my co-worker makes it sound like I was bragging about getting the time off and not using it appropriately and therefore did not really need it.

Regardless of the story they do not want to me continue in the sorority. I am really upset because I waited so long to get into the system and now I feel a real tension amongst the sisters and me. I don't know who my friends are and who wants me out.

What is best for me vs. what is best for the sorority? No one can tell me to leave and I know I have to make that choice myself, but should I tell Panhellenic? We just had elections and the old president thinks I have no backbone because they are bullying me when they ask me questions about the situation.

Advice would be greatly appreciated!

phisiglindsey · #2 02-16-2009, 12:37 AM

Is this just one sister asking you to leave? Or is this a large amount of the sisters?

I would definitely stick up for yourself. They don't have the right to treat you that way, especially if you did nothing wrong. You need to explain the situation to them, and stand your ground. I would not leave if you think this is the right sorority for you.

displacedgreek · #3 02-16-2009, 12:42 AM

It is several senior sisters and I have met with several of them at different times and when they ask me about what happened I tell them what happened but they look at it as their sister would not lie to them and they have no real reason to believe me.

I don't want to quit, but I don't see the point either in paying a lot of money to wonder who is going to be my friend and not look at me with a stigma or stink eye!

phisiglindsey · #4 02-16-2009, 12:45 AM

If they are seniors, then they're on their way out. Stick around and see if it gets better. No matter what, stay with your story and keep your head up. Make sure you give them no other reasons to question you. Be at events and participate with all you have. Prove to them you are worth being their sister and I'm sure this situation will fall away soon enough.

ASTalumna06 · #5 02-16-2009, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phisiglindsey

If they are seniors, then they're on their way out. Stick around and see if it gets better. No matter what, stay with your story and keep your head up. Make sure you give them no other reasons to question you. Be at events and participate with all you have. Prove to them you are worth being their sister and I'm sure this situation will fall away soon enough.

Agreed.

If they are seniors, you only have to deal with them for another 2 months or so. As you said, they can't kick you out. I wouldn't be so ready to leave just yet. Stick it out for the rest of the semester, get involved, be friendly, etc. If you come back to the same stuff in the fall, then there's definitely a problem that needs to be addressed. However, if you get along with all of the younger members, there shouldn't be any issues come September.

Jimmy Choo · #6 02-16-2009, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by displacedgreek

I just finished rush not that long ago and knew I had gotten into the right sorority!

The younger girls (sophomores) I met were all really sweet and were interested in having fun just like me (even though I'm a junior)

But, I got a strange online message from a sister asking to meet with me after our composite pictures and I agreed.

After meeting her I found out a co-worker had badmouthed me to a sister after seeing on facebook that I got into this chapter. The sister was relaying the information to me since the sister who had talked to my co-worker simply passed along the information.

The situation is being portrayed like I took advantage of my friendship with the manager to get a special favor that no one else could have gotten and the sisters are saying my co-worker makes it sound like I was bragging about getting the time off and not using it appropriately and therefore did not really need it.

Regardless of the story they do not want to me continue in the sorority. I am really upset because I waited so long to get into the system and now I feel a real tension amongst the sisters and me. I don't know who my friends are and who wants me out.

What is best for me vs. what is best for the sorority? No one can tell me to leave and I know I have to make that choice myself, but should I tell Panhellenic? We just had elections and the old president thinks I have no backbone because they are bullying me when they ask me questions about the situation.

Advice would be greatly appreciated!

They can't kick you out without cause. Not to claim to know how every NPC works but I'm pretty sure there is a whole series of steps to follow to kick out a member. Not liking one or finding them annoying doesn't quite cut it.

cuteASAbug · #7 02-16-2009, 02:02 AM

I would try talking to an advisor or the standards board about this. I can't speak for anyone else, but in ASA, termination paperwork requires an advisor's approval. There may be more to the story or she might put the kibosh on it real fast.

Blue Skies · #8 02-16-2009, 02:19 AM

Well, tell the seniors "welcome to the real world," because negotiating extra time off from work is a valuable skill. They'll see that for themselves soon enough. And why on earth would anyone care what you do with it? It's your free time.

I'm at a loss as to why they are giving your disgruntled coworker so much attention, anyway. What, there isn't enough drama in their lives otherwise?

If anyone asks, I would keep your explanation as simple and minimal as possible (i.e. "I asked for that weekend off, and I got it. I'm sorry that she's upset about the schedule, but she really needs to discuss that with the manager. I can't help her with that.") and then change the subject. It's really none of their business.

Jimmy Choo · #9 02-16-2009, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

I would try talking to an advisor or the standards board about this. I can't speak for anyone else, but in ASA, termination paperwork requires an advisor's approval. There may be more to the story or she might put the kibosh on it real fast.

We are the same way. Based on what the OP has said it just sounds like some girls don't like her and are trying to push her out. If she had actually done something wrong she WOULD be getting hauled into standards!!!

KSUViolet06 · #10 02-16-2009, 03:07 AM

I really don't get this, but it sounds like stupid drama.

Sounds like somebody's just mad.

I'd just ignore it and stick it out. if they're older(like seniors) they'll theoretically be gone in May anyway.

33girl · #11 02-16-2009, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by displacedgreek

should I tell Panhellenic?

No. Panhellenic does not have the authority to make decisions on an individual's sorority membership once they are a member.

I agree with everyone else who said just wait out the next couple months - these seniors are having a classic case of "OMG we don't want to move on with our lives so we'll keep rippling the pond."

navane · #12 02-16-2009, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Skies

Well, tell the seniors "welcome to the real world," because negotiating extra time off from work is a valuable skill. They'll see that for themselves soon enough. And why on earth would anyone care what you do with it? It's your free time.

I'm at a loss as to why they are giving your disgrunted coworker so much attention, anyway. What, there isn't enough drama in their lives otherwise?

If anyone asks, I would keep your explanation as simple and minimal as possible (i.e. "I asked for that weekend off, and I got it. I'm sorry that she's upset about the schedule, but she really needs to discuss that with the manager. I can't help her with that.") and then change the subject. It's really none of their business.

Agreed! I really don't understand how someone wants to grill this new member because her brother's-girlfriend's-roommate-who-works-at-the-Outback-Steakhouse is angry because she got a day off of work and the other servers didn't or some other such nonsense.

They want her out of the sorority because of some random person's problem at a part-time job? I mean, really?

.....Kelly

GammaPhi88 · #13 02-16-2009, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by navane

Agreed! I really don't understand how someone wants to grill this new member because her brother's-girlfriend's-roommate-who-works-at-the-Outback-Steakhouse is angry because she got a day off of work and the other servers didn't or some other such nonsense.

They want her out of the sorority because of some random person's problem at a part-time job? I mean, really?

.....Kelly

This sounds like stupid drama which turned into a miscommunication which got blown out of proportion. With a large group of girls, its going to happen from time to time. I agree with everyone above, just ride it out and let it blow over. The senior girls will graduate soon.

ZTA72 · #14 02-16-2009, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Skies

Well, tell the seniors "welcome to the real world," because negotiating extra time off from work is a valuable skill. They'll see that for themselves soon enough.

Exactly. This is something that you will have to deal with the rest of your life. Some people just can't live without drama and there will be lot's more to come in your life. My best advice is to ignore it, be friendly as others have suggested, and just wait it out. Next week, the topic will be something/one else. Don't let yourself be pushed to do something you don't want.

apres_moi · #15 02-16-2009, 11:21 PM

In my experience, older members hate seeing things change. Even if the change it for the better, or just plain not the way it's usually done they fight it every step of the way. Maybe you're a change from what kind of member they would want in the sorority. If they were on the level they'd follow the rules that are in place for deactivated a member. Just ignore them and wait until they leave. Focus on the people that do want you there. If nobody actually does want you there, then you may have a problem.