I may have chosen the wrong house...

basketballbabe · #1 02-11-2009, 12:40 AM

I recently went through sorority recruitment at my university. I was asked back to every house I wanted, but when it came down to my final two I found it impossible to make a decision. I had my heart set on one house all year, but after the final round of rush I found myself more comfortable with the other house, so I went with what I thought were my instincts. Now that I've been hanging out at the house and with the girl's I'm afraid it's living up to it's 'partying' stereotype, which isn't something I necessarily want to be associated with. I keep thinking 'what if' I had joined the other house..would I be happier? I have a couple of weeks before initiation, so I have time to withdraw and would be eligible to go through recruitment or receive an open bid in a year. I'm just really confused and would appreciate any words of wisdom or advice..

KSUViolet06 · #2 02-11-2009, 12:47 AM

What you're feeling is not uncommon. There are always girls who second guess their choices.

I'd suggest talking to your New Member Educator about how you feel, maybe she can help.

Also, take time out to actually figure out if the chapter really is a "party" chapter.

Alot of times, when you first join a group, you think all everyone does is party, but what happens is that you haven't met the girls who don't.

It takes time for you to meet people in the chapter who share your interests, and you haven't been in the chapter long enough to do that.

It's impossible for every girl in the chapter to ONLY be interested in partying. So take the time to get to know more girls and you will probably find more girls with interests that are similar to yours.

So just relax, and enjoy yourself.

KSUViolet06 · #3 02-11-2009, 01:02 AM

Also, consider that depending on your school, it may be difficult for you to receive a bid next year.

It's a good idea to stick it out, because you haven't been around long enough to meet people and get to know them.

PiPhiERDoc · #4 02-11-2009, 01:03 AM

I think sometimes right after recruitment there are a lot of parties/social events because fraternities and sororities both have new members, and both the new and old members are excited about that!
Maybe you can also try to spend more time with the women you met during recruitment that made you feel more comfortable at the house that you chose. I'll bet that there are many women in the chapter who do not party as much as others - but they may be more in the background, and you may have to seek them out.

ASTalumna06 · #5 02-11-2009, 01:22 AM

I remember when I first joined my chapter... I didn't necessarily think that they were the "party chapter," but I felt as if there were a lot of social events to attend. After I was initiated and fully immersed in everything that was going on, though, I started to realize that there's a lot more to it.

My suggestion: Go to business meetings if you can. And pay attention. I remember sitting through meetings when I was a new member and not listening to much at all. It was very overwhelming and I didn't know how anything worked, so my focus was generally elsewhere. When I started learning the ropes, I realized how much other stuff the chapter actually does.

Also, are you close with the other new members? Try to hang out with them and see what they're interested in. You might find that a lot of them aren't into partying at all. These are the girls you'll be with for the next four years, so find out what they're like before making any rash decisions.

And if you're approaching initiation, and you really don't feel comfortable, you can always drop out then. But be absolutely sure that's what you want if you choose to do so.

KSUViolet06 · #6 02-11-2009, 01:26 AM

Also, I find that within a sorority, there are things for EVERY girl to get involved in.

If you love to party and hang out, there are socials.

If you like to plan events, you can join committees.

If you like sports, you can play intramurals.

Try and find things within the sorority that interest you that you can get involved in.

Army Wife'79 · #7 02-11-2009, 11:14 AM

Not all the girls are partiers, it just looks that way now. Go find the math, science and engineering majors. Trust me, they are NOT going to be partying too much or they'd have to switch majors.

AOII Angel · #8 02-11-2009, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Not all the girls are partiers, it just looks that way now. Go find the math, science and engineering majors. Trust me, they are NOT going to be partying too much or they'd have to switch majors.

I agree. No matter what sorority you join, they ALL have sisters that love to party. I lived in the sorority dorm and was one of only two sisters in the dorm who didn't go out nearly every night. That didn't mean that there weren't a whole lot of people who didn't go out every night. They just aren't as visible. If you aren't a partier, be strong in who you are. No one will MAKE you go out every night if you don't want to. It's not like there is something in the initiation ceremony that will suddenly make you a party girl!

srmom · #9 02-11-2009, 11:37 AM

Totally agree with above posts. Back when I was in college, my house was known as a "party house" as in the quote at our school, " Date a Theta, Party with a Pi Phi, Marry a Kappa" (totally a kidding thing - but hey, we were known as the fun house)

Anyway, there were also girls who were studiers, there were girls who were very involved with Bible Study groups, there were student leaders, etc. Every house has a variety of people - find the ones you mesh with!!

ASTalumna06 · #10 02-11-2009, 11:56 AM

Remember, also... you had your heart set on one house all year, and the house you're in now made you decide to turn away from it. You obviously must like your sorority a lot. Would you really be willing to give that up to possibly not be in Greek life at all?

And if you do drop and go through recruitment again, the other chapter might not want to "waste" a bid on you, knowing that you turned down their offer the last time.

I would suggest really getting to know your sisters. There must be a few of them who don't constantly party. And even the ones that do, they have to study/eat/relax at some point during the day. Ask them to hang out with you to do something other than party, and I'm sure they won't turn you down.

als463 · #11 02-11-2009, 12:06 PM

I graduated from a very big "party school" and it seems as though EVERY chapter had their partier girls...I felt bad because I didn't always go out and party but, I def. clicked with some of the girls who did.

I found that sometimes I felt like staying home and watching a movie with some sisters while on other occassions I wanted to go out and let off some steam with my sisters that partied. I felt like there was a decent mix because I was able to pick and choose what I wanted to do each night. Plus, I was a double major with a minor putting myself through school-I couldn't always party.

It's good to have girls that party and its good to have some that don't. It helps balance out the chapter and I'm sure, in time, you will come to realize how great it really can be to be in a chapter that has BOTH.

I would say to stick it out because you don't know what may happen. If you liked them enough to choose them in the first place-there is a certain REASON why they appealed to you.

Good Luck!

qbt1990 · #12 02-11-2009, 10:21 PM

I am sort of going through this exact thing... but I've already been initiated. Thank you so much everyone for your encouragement!

Thetagirl218 · #13 02-12-2009, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also, I find that within a sorority, there are things for EVERY girl to get involved in.

If you love to party and hang out, there are socials.

If you like to plan events, you can join committees.

If you like sports, you can play intramurals.

Try and find things within the sorority that interest you that you can get involved in.

I agreed with this and the other good advice in this thread!

No matter what your interest, chances are there are sisters in your chapter who share that interest (to a certain extent).
In larger chapters, this is often how you find a group of girls to mesh with.... for example, I took part in SG so I got to know my fellow sisters who were also SG members very well!

I am sure there are tons of different avenues your chapter offers to be involved!

BadCat25 · #14 02-12-2009, 06:57 AM

I would think very long and hard before you drop out. Unless the sorority culture is very different from that at most schools you may have a very difficult time doing a second rush after being a new member of one of them. Your choices may be very limited if you have any at all. At my university you would be very lucky to get a bid from anybody.

alum · #15 02-12-2009, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Not all the girls are partiers, it just looks that way now. Go find the math, science and engineering majors. Trust me, they are NOT going to be partying too much or they'd have to switch majors.

One of our wildest girls was a hard science/premed major and ended up at Harvard Med School so one would assume that her grades weren't adversely affected. Of course her wildness was relative to the rest of the campus and our school was dead quiet except from about Friday at 3 pm until the wee hours of Sunday morning. We did not have chapterwide study hours but the distractions were minimal during the academic week.