What would your reaction be if one of your sisters came and told you this...

DDsororitygirl · #1 10-22-2008, 07:44 PM

What would your reaction be if one of your sisters came and told you that she has a problem with food, as in an eating disorder and its gotten really bad, but she's scared to go get professional help right now, but she knows she needs to, and she needs your help, and support. Would u freak out, hover over her, and watch her every move, or would u talk to her and support her, and help her through this, or what? (I'm the one that has to tell them...abut myself and I'm scared) thanks.

FSUZeta · #2 10-22-2008, 07:58 PM

i would probably do a little of both-hover and support her. don't be afraid to confide in your friends. you have done nothing wrong- they will understand that what is happening to you right now is not something you chose, so please talk to them and talk to a counselor at your school.

AOEforme · #3 10-22-2008, 08:24 PM

I was diagnosed with depression and tried to hide it from my sisters... Bad choice.

Tell them: they'll be the support you need so badly.

Yes, they'll be slightly more overprotective of you... but they'll also try not to be.

It's much better when you tell them. It's such a weight off your shoulders and they all stand behind you. (They also make sure to treat you as the same person you were "before". I was scared I'd be treated very differently... and I wasn't!)

KSUViolet06 · #4 10-22-2008, 08:52 PM

In undergrad, I had sisters come to me with issues like that. I didn't freak out, hover over them or watch their every move, and of course I didn't tell anyone else if they didn't want me to.

I always made it a point to tell them that while I can be there for them if they want to talk, I'm not a professional and they ultimately need to seek professional help if they want to get better.

I'm now a counseling grad student, and I can tell you that while your sorority sisters can listen, they aren't professionals and they don't have the skills to help you get better. Only a licensed professional can fully understand/treat an eating disorder and help someone recover from one.

Benzgirl · #5 10-22-2008, 09:00 PM

I had (have) a lot of friends with eating disorders of various kinds -- Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Over Eating, Compulsive Exercising, EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specifiec. Some are waiting for someone to reach out and help them, others are in complete denial. I never freaked out because I've seen quite a bit of it. My one very good friend was hospitalized in high school when she hit 80 lbs.. I am always supportive, even to those that are in denial.

I encourage you to first speak with a doctor. Request they help you find someone that specializes in eating disorders. Just speaking with a general therapist won't really help. They won't lecture you; but be ready for them to find out the root of the ED. Note: most eating disorders are not the cause; they are the effect.

I've been surprised over the years at the number of people that I know who suffer from EDs. Some of them are chonic cases; others are episodal. Most feel they are never cured, but are in remission.

Feel free to PM me if there are more specifics you would like to ask.

UGAalum94 · #6 10-22-2008, 09:05 PM

Go to get help on campus from a professional.

Your sisters will want to help and be there for you, but they aren't qualified to offer the help you need and on some level, as harsh as it sounds, it may not be fair to expect them to.

You're kind of setting them up to fail you. Do you need someone hovering? Will you resent them if they do? Will you resent them if they don't and feel like they abandoned you?

Maybe the best thing to do would be to ask if one of them to help you set up something with a professional and maybe even to go with you (not to the actual session but to drive or walk you there and wait with you) so that you will follow through. And once you know more of what you need to do, you can ask them for specific help day to day.

Again, I'm not saying that you should be afraid to ask them or that they won't rise to the occasion and support you as much as they can. I suspect they will do everything in their power to help you.

But just as you wouldn't ask them to perform surgery on your self-diagnosed medical problem, having them be your only help with this issue is a bad idea.

KSUViolet06 · #7 10-22-2008, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Go to get help on campus from a professional.

Your sisters will want to help and be there for you, but they aren't qualified to offer the help you need and on some level, as harsh as it sounds, it may not be fair to expect them to.

You're kind of setting them up to fail you. Do you need someone hovering? Will you resent them if they do? Will you resent them if they don't and feel like they abandoned you?

But just as you wouldn't ask them to perform surgery on your self-diagnosed medical problem, having them be your only help with this issue is a bad idea.

Agreed. Like I said, your sisters are not licensed clinicians and all they can do is listen. They cannot help you get better.

Also, consider that your sisters are just regular people. Alot of regular people don't understand eating disorders. They think things like "oh she just does that for attention" or "oh it's not that big of a deal." Or they might totally freak out and feel like they have to hover over you and watch you eat when you're in the kitchen.

Just pointing that out just so you know that people (while they may care about you) don't always understand things and might unintentionally react in a way that you didn't expect.

AOEforme · #8 10-22-2008, 09:28 PM

Your sisters' support (as stated above) means nothing without the trained help of a professional.

It's hard to be someone's friend and doctor, especially when they need both.

Tell them, but get help, too.

kappa_dancer · #9 10-23-2008, 05:05 PM

Whether you realize it or not, one of your sisters probably has or does struggle with the same things you are struggling with. Right after I pledged, I slipped into a very deep depression and I turned to my NMC and she was such a support for me. She had her own personal experiences to share, and was there to reassure me as I sought professional help. I wouldn't have made it through if I hadn't had my sisters there to catch me when I fell.

agzg · #10 10-23-2008, 05:44 PM

Good luck whatever you decide to do (although I hope you decide to reach out).

33girl · #11 10-23-2008, 08:40 PM

Definitely tell them - don't underestimate the amount of support and love they can give you.

However, you also need help from a trained professional. They can't do it and if there are girls in the group who are "caretakers" (and there are some in every group) they will knock themselves out trying to be your therapist when they can't. Which is not fair to them or to you.

If you want to ask someone to go along to the Student Health Center or to your first counseling appointment with you, that's fine. It can be scary walking in there alone.

Good luck **hug**

Corsulian · #12 10-24-2008, 09:49 PM

Be supportive and walk her to the student counseling center. Then wait in the waiting room while she speaks to a professional.

That is virtually the only correct answer to this situation. The chapter is not equipped to solve this problem - it is only equipped to support the sister.

roadrunnerrita · #13 10-26-2008, 02:16 AM

Please recognize that your sister will need psychiatric care to treat her disease, and that even then it is a rough road. Do your best to help her get to people that may be able to help!
best,
M

LightBulb · #14 10-26-2008, 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corsulian

Be supportive and walk her to the student counseling center. Then wait in the waiting room while she speaks to a professional.

That's good advice. It'll probably mean a lot to her that you went with her and supported her.

And now / in the future, when you compliment her, don't let it be based on looks. Don't be like, "You look so cute in that dress!" whether or not you think she's gained/lost/maintained weight. Compliment her on other things (cleverness, creativity, etc.).

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #15 02-01-2009, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DDsororitygirl

What would your reaction be if one of your sisters came and told you that she has a problem with food, as in an eating disorder and its gotten really bad, but she's scared to go get professional help right now, but she knows she needs to, and she needs your help, and support. Would u freak out, hover over her, and watch her every move, or would u talk to her and support her, and help her through this, or what? (I'm the one that has to tell them...abut myself and I'm scared) thanks.

Anybody know what she ended up doing and how it turned out?