Religious Differences in Relationships

sarahsmilehawk · #1 12-27-2008, 03:09 PM

Just curious if any of you have ever had a SO of a different religion and how did that work out?

My boyfriend is Catholic and my family doesn't really follow any religion. I think it's nice that he grew up in the church and has a pretty strong faith, but I just don't understand it.

I know a lot of people have very strong feelings about interfaith marriage. We're not really at that point in our relationship yet, but I worry that the religion issue will become a real problem as we get more serious.

Thoughts?

Kevin · #2 12-27-2008, 04:47 PM

I'm a Catholic, my wife's an atheist.

It's no big deal unless you make it one.

SWTXBelle · #3 12-27-2008, 05:35 PM

I've dated two Jews. The only difficulty I could see might have been concerning the raising of children. I think if you can get that straight, the rest is doable.

Benzgirl · #4 12-27-2008, 07:33 PM

I dated a Jew off and on for 8 years. He was Reformed, so it was never an issue. I have dated a Muslim and learned to eat (and love) chicken and turkey sausage. The main issue we had between us was that he wanted a large family and I didn't want kids (I was 41 at the time), which ultimately broke us up.

I also dated a guy who was an ex-member of the Bruderhof (similar to the Hutterites). Now that was was a doozy.

aephi alum · #5 12-27-2008, 07:43 PM

To some people, interfaith marriage is no big deal. Other people have huge problems with it - in some Orthodox Jewish communities, a person who marries a non-Jew is treated as dead and mourned by his/her family.

I briefly dated a Conservadox Jew when I was in college. I was a lapsed Catholic at the time. One day, pretty much out of the blue, he DEMANDED that I convert to Judaism or he would dump me. I told him where he could stick his attitude, and we immediately broke up. (The irony is that I did later convert to Judaism, but for my own reasons, and through the Reform movement.)

Interfaith marriage can work out well if (a) neither of you has a problem with the other not following the same faith, (b) you've agreed on what religion (if any) to raise your children in (if you want any), and (c) your families accept your choice of interfaith marriage OR you're willing to put up with their comments / complaints / threats to boycott your wedding / etc.

kstar · #6 12-27-2008, 09:02 PM

I'm a reform Jew, and my long term boyfriend is a non-denominational protestant christian.

I don't think it is a big deal provided that each respects the other's faith (or lack thereof.)

christiangirl · #7 12-29-2008, 01:11 AM

I didn't think I'd have anything to offer for this thread but now that I think about it, I did have a Catholic boyfriend. It wasn't an issue, but faith wasn't important to me back then. Now that faith touches so many aspects of my life, there's no way that conflict could be minor. So I think whoever (I think it was Kevin) said that it won't be an issue if you don't make it one was correct. I've constantly said that there'd be too much conflict to even really consider dating someone of a different faith(sect), but just reading this thread, I realize that I did once and it didn't matter (because it wasn't a big deal for me at the time).

I do remember him saying that he wouldn't marry anyone who wasn't Catholic, so we both knew we'd never be together forever--not only was that a dealbreaker for him, but I couldn't believe he only said that to me after I was already his girlfriend. He wasn't the smartest cookie.

AKA_Monet · #8 12-29-2008, 01:45 AM

Wow... I've dated Jewish men, Catholic men, and hey, I'll admit it, Buddhists!!! I would have dated Hindi and almost got with a Muslim... But I think I am married to an agnostic? IDK?

The men I usually would fight with are these hardcore Missionary Baptist--Holy Roller men because their views were just not based in any kind of formal theology. I am NOT talking about the "Reverends"--I am talking about those fools who are so pious then get homegirl pregnant and not pay for their children... Kinna like Rrah's song "Trapped in the Closet"... Now those fools, I did not date. Something about forked tongues and speaking...

honeychile · #9 12-29-2008, 02:50 PM

I think the important thing is that you have the same amount of religiosity as the other person. A person who is super religious is going to drive an atheist crazy and vice versa. That, and a healthy amount of respect for the other religion and the person practicing it.

HBADPi · #10 12-30-2008, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

I'm a Catholic, my wife's an atheist.

It's no big deal unless you make it one.

My husband's non-practicing Catholic and I'm agnostic and it's a non-issue for us. My ILs are practicing and we were afraid they would us to get married in the church but fortunately they let us get married the way we want and to keep the peace we did do the Corinthians reading during the ceremony. We've already agreed that the future kids wouldn't be baptized and we would not force any beliefs on them. I think where differences come into play is when you're deciding what type of wedding ceremony to have and how to raise kids. If you can agree on that, things will be fine.

Zephyrus · #11 12-30-2008, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

It's no big deal unless you make it one.

This is the same response I was about to give. I agree.

phisiglindsey · #12 12-30-2008, 06:50 PM

I've dated only Protestant guys, but I know if I were to date someone with a different take on religion such as Catholic, Jewish, etc. it may only affect me when I want to raise my children. I'd love to raise my children Baptist, but I personally just want to make sure they know the important things about being a morally good person. I could only see the difference in religion playing a huge part in your relationship if it differs so much that you are conflicted with how to raise children, or that maybe your/his family doesn't not agree with your/his religious choice.

BetteDavisEyes · #13 01-02-2009, 05:35 PM

I'm Catholic and my husband is Mormon. It's not a big deal. We discussed this in length before we got married regarding our future kids and how we'd raise them.

I think it will be a huge deal if you don't deal with any issues or conflict you might have prior to settling down if you see your relationship heading that way.

Honeykiss1974 · #14 01-05-2009, 03:10 PM

I'm Baptist and I've dated an atheist. He was very passionate about being an atheist as I was about Jesus so it didn't work out. LOL

Like others have said, I don't think I could date much less marry someone that wasn't Christian since it is a big part of my life. And even with that, we would need to have the same views on Christianity as well because I could not be with someone that was like....oh let's say ummm.... Jim Duggar.

VandalSquirrel · #15 01-05-2009, 03:35 PM

I've thought about this and I could date a man with a different religion, but depending on the religion, or even denomination marriage may not work. I know I could not be in a long term relationship with a man who practiced a religion that did not have women as equals (for example able to be a Pastor/Rabbi/ etc.). If I have children with him there would be a huge problem letting them practice a religion where women are seen or treated as lesser.

I've had less problems dating Reform Jews and Catholics than Protestants (which I am one). Go figure.