Shyness...

tlw23 · #1 05-03-2008, 05:33 PM

So I realized something about myself the other night when I was invited to a 'girls only' party, kinda like a tupperware(sp?) perty but not.

First off, I was invited by a girl I know pretty well and it ended up that she was the only person I really knew there. I knew the faces/names of a few other people because they'd been in my classes/at parties and etc but I never talked to them or anything.

Normally I'm pretty outgoing, as long as I am around just one person I know well I will open up and act like a retard and be outgoing around people I don't know.

However around a big group of girls like this, also they alll have something to do with the music department and so talked about that alot and I kind of know things but I'm not in it, thus I felt really out of place and nervous and wasn't sure what to do half the time, so I ended up being kind of scared to be in rooms by myself when almost everyone went into the kitchen, etc and I only really opened up when people did so to me.

So...now I'm worried about being able to open up to people that I don;t really know. Any advice?

violetpretty · #2 05-03-2008, 06:02 PM

I have an idea what kind of party you're talking about.

I wouldn't stress out about it, because the actives will guide most of the conversation. If you're nervous, come up with some "back up" questions you can ask if conversation lulls.

Benzgirl · #3 05-03-2008, 06:07 PM

I always use the same tactic that we told shy sisters during recruitment. If you can't think of anything else to say, compliment the PNM on something they are wearing. Do you like someone's shoes? Are they wearing an unusual pin? Is their handbag really cool? Everyone loves a compliment, and they won't think you are a retard.

ree-Xi · #4 05-03-2008, 07:09 PM

Let me tell you a secret. Ask a person about themself, and they will think that you are a brilliant conversationalist. People LOVE to talk about themselves. I am sure that within a few minutes of talking to ANYONE, you will hear SOMETHING that you can talk about.

Even if you don't have the same interests at all, if someone is talking about, for example, how much they love yoga, and you have never tried it before and don't understand what it's all about, or even think it's kooky - you can respond back with something that YOU are passionate about, or something that you like to do for relaxation or exercise.

So while it may seem that you have nothing in common with most people, remember that we all have hobbies, families, favorite places, passions. If you really LISTEN, you will realize that you have a lot more in common with people than you initially thought.

KSUViolet06 · #5 05-03-2008, 08:23 PM

Start working on your shyness now. Recruitment is a tough environment for someone who doesn't make conversation well with other girls. The first rounds of recruitment are VERY short, and the sororities have very little time to decide who gets invited back. Naturally if you barely talk to the sisters who are rushing you, you may not get as many invites as other girls.

My advice: If you get invited to anymore things like this, go! But next time, instead of staying out of the conversation because you aren't familiar with what they're talking about, ask them about it.

For example, you said that those girls were all talking to each other about the music department. Ask them what majors they're in or what instruments they play. Get them talking about themselves. Then they will start to talk to you.

Zillini · #6 05-04-2008, 09:41 AM

I can relate to what the OP is talking about. I realized at an fairly early age that I'm the same way. When I'm in a social situation with people I don't know, my mind goes blank. I literally can't think of anything to say. Then for some reason I'll don't understand my shyness comes across as being aloof (or so I've been told). But if I know the people, I'll talk their ear off.

There will always be necessary social situations in your life where you must force yourself to come out of your shell. Recruitment is only one of those. It is not easy, but you have to do it. Practice conversations with as many people as you can. Have them pretend they don't know you. Come up with a list of topics to talk about or questions to ask that you can call upon in your mind if the conversation drags. Than ask your friends, parents, brothers, sisters, anyone you know to help you out by asking people they know that you don't if they would help you practice. Shyness isn't easy to overcome, but you can do it.

pbear19 · #7 05-04-2008, 10:46 AM

I used to be a bit like this, and for me the best way to get over it was practice, and somewhat of a trial by fire. I did ok in college, but I still felt awkward around new people. I really got over it 100% after I graduated. Why? I moved to a different state 3 times in 4 years and I made myself get active in community organizations each time. I made a real effort to socialize with all my new coworkers. Once I committed to meeting people I started to actually have fun with it. Once I was having fun I forgot to feel awkward.

I forgot to be hard on myself about not knowing what to say, because I was too busy doing things.

If I could have done one thing different in college to help me down this path sooner, it would have been to step out of my comfort zone more often. There really isn't any time like the present! So definitely go again the next time you are invited to an event like this. It does get easier!

couggirl · #8 05-05-2008, 08:01 PM

i use to be really shy, and with the situation you described my shyness can still come out now and then. I noticed for me that my shyness was linked to my comfort level, as my comfort level increased my shyness decressed. I use to think that my shyness was connected to being around at least one other friend, but I realise now that it is not. I might suggest practicing as others have suggested by going to community service projects like habitat for humanity where you have something to do, but also have opportunities to talk. This also gives you something to talk about, ie habitat for humanity, with the people there. of course this is just one example, you could go to church group events for college age, some libraries have summer programs and weekly activities. maybe you could go to some activity that is in a town nearby so you are not likely to know anyone. Also, i suggest these activities because there are usually groups that are open to new people and will (ideally) be friendly to you, which would be similar to how recruitment will be.

Just an idea. good luck

33girl · #9 05-06-2008, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tlw23

However around a big group of girls like this, also they all have something to do with the music department and so talked about that alot and I kind of know things but I'm not in it, thus I felt really out of place and nervous and wasn't sure what to do half the time, so I ended up being kind of scared to be in rooms by myself when almost everyone went into the kitchen, etc and I only really opened up when people did so to me.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about this too much because it sounds like the girls at the party were being kind of thoughtless to talk "shop" too much...it wasn't a music dept party, it was a sort of Tupperware party. I would feel out of place too if I was in a room where everyone was talking about something I wasn't a part of, and I'm far from shy at this point.

When you're going through rush the girls won't be doing that....and if they ARE, you need to cross that group off of your list.

tlw23 · #10 05-06-2008, 07:48 PM

Thanks for the avice everyone

I have to get a new job soon for the summer and plan on taking some classes at a gym at home by myself, so hopefully these will help me open up alittle more around strangers. Though back when I got my first job it took me at least three months to actually be myself I'm older now and can work on it more.