Sticky situation with depledged new member

[CrimsonBlues]

I am a very recent alumna of my chapter (obviously, since I haven't yet been able to extricate myself from the kinds of things collegians concern themselves with). I have encountered a sort of sticky situation, and I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. I'm a long time lurker here, and I thought I might come out of the shadows to solicit the advice of all of the knowledgeable ladies who post here.

I recently stumbled across the Facebook profile of a woman who declined a bid from us after formal recruitment in September. This woman signed her bid card and was on our bid list, but absolutely refused to even come to the house on Bid Day. Curiously, she now lists affiliation with one of the other sororities on campus (which happens to be one of the two sororities with which we most often compete for new members). Ours is one of the classic "struggling chapters," though we have experienced some success recently due to a fabulous membership chair who put together an outstanding informal recruitment this past spring (completely immaterial to the issue at hand, but I just felt like bragging on my chapter for a sec ). Obviously, we do not want this woman to be a member of our chapter if she doesn't want to be, but I am puzzled by the fact that the rules seem to have been bypassed to allow her to be involved in one of our "competitor sororities." I have no idea if this woman knew the rules or if the sorority was aware that she signed a bid card, but I do know that our Greek Life office and the full-time staff that it employs managed to overlook this.

As an alumna, I feel silly already for still being involved enough in my chapter to have encountered this information (blame my boring summer job, I suppose). I want to know if I should let it slide, or if I should contact my chapter's membership chair. I know from experience that collegians often resent alumnae (and especially recent alumnae) "telling them how to run the chapter," but I'm concerned about the implications that this event has for our future success. Yes, this is one woman, but who knows how often this has happened in the past, and whether or not it will happen in the future, especially if the sorority knows she had a bid from us and now thinks they can "get away with it?" Perhaps this is because we have a "persecuted chapter" complex, but we often feel as if we are the only ones forced to play by the rules while the rest of the chapters run willy-nilly all over policy (for example, the rho chis look away from the chapter that is known for delivering bottles of wine and roses to preferred pnms the night before pref, reports of dirty rushing that our chapter submits are never followed up on, etc). It is difficult enough for a struggling chapter to turn it around when the rules are followed; nearly impossible when exceptions are made to rules such as these. If this becomes a widely known/accepted practice, what's to stop new members who had intended to stick it out with the chapter they matched with from depledging and seeking a bid to another chapter, or a sorority such as this one from recruiting new members from other chapters if they experience attrition? Not to mention the fact that this is unfair to other women who depledged or did not accept their bids and played by the rules, thereby limiting their options for the following year. I don't necessarily want to punish this woman, as lord knows if she was apprised of this rule or not during recruitment, but I do want to protect our chapter from this in the future.

Basically, the summary of my long-winded post is this: is there any action that is appropriate for me as a recent alumna of my chapter to take that won't make me look obnoxious/stalkerish and won't make my chapter look like whiny losers?

[AlphaFrog]

Before proceeding with ANYTHING, I would verify that she was actually taken as a new member of that sorority. Over and over here, we've seen PNMs that do not realize the "protocol" of Greek life, and list sororities that they are interested in, but have not yet been offered a bid by on their Facebook/Myspace/homepage, etc. They don't see how saying they are a "future XYZ" can be more harmful then innocent and helpful.

[CrimsonBlues]

I stumbled across her in the sorority's Facebook group, which is by request only.

PS: Just wanted to add that I absolutely love Wicked, too!

[cuteASAbug]

Could it be that the sorority is planning to offer her an open bid in September after the one year deadline has passed?

[ekDZ1535]

I would recommend sending an email/making a phone call to your undergraduate chapter's President and/or recruitment chair. Let them know the issues so that they're in the loop, and the following are the actions they could potentially take:

- Contact the Panhellenic Council advisor/Greek Life advisor and make them aware - you ran into this on Facebook, you do not know if it's true, however, Panhellenic rules state that after receiving and accepting a bid, one cannot accept another sorority's bid for one calendar year. That chapter should be held to the recruitment standards, but it's up to Panhellenic to do so - you can simply alert them to the issue.

- The chapter can contact the other chapter's leadership depending on their relationship and make them aware of the issue to resolve it themselves. This chapter may not know that the recent NM (potentially) had received a bid already. And very well, they may be planning on giving out a bid in the Fall as suggested, however, if the perception is one thing, it should be cleared up. And who knows, sometimes the people who have admin power of a facebook group are not still active members but alums, and will permit others to be a part not fully checking on their credentials.

More or less, provide the info to the chapter, but it's ultimately their decision. They'll be grateful you trusted them with the ability to make the decision to take action themselves but was caring enough to alert them to the problem.

[AlphaFrog]

In that case, I'm agreeing with this:

Originally Posted by ekDZ1535

More or less, provide the info to the chapter, but it's ultimately their decision. They'll be grateful you trusted them with the ability to make the decision to take action themselves but was caring enough to alert them to the problem.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by CrimsonBlues

I stumbled across her in the sorority's Facebook group, which is by request only.

Still, even letting her into their Facebook group doesn't also mean they've let her into their NM class. And it's not technically "dirty rushing" I don't think, because even though she's ineligible, she can still attend COB events, etc. It doesn't become dirty rushing until next year's rush...then if they haven't removed her from the group, it would be appropriate to report it. However, if PHC is as unfair as you say they are (not doubting, but there are two sides to every story), I'm not really sure if it would make much of a difference.

[CrimsonBlues]

She does list her residence as "ABC Sorority." Of course, it is possible that they've let her into their Facebook group pre-emptively and she's uninformed enough not to realize that she's not a member yet.

I guess the real gist of my question is that I'd like to know if it's appropriate for me to even contact my chapter about this, since I'm an alumna (will it be viewed as stepping on toes/pathetic that I care?), and also if there may be any way to prevent this type of situation in the future from my chapter's end (though I'm guessing there really isn't beyond this type of vigilance, if our Panhel doesn't play by the rules - though I do feel that if it was brought to the Greek Life director's attention, she might care). If there is something to be done, is it worth it to further compromise our sorority's reputation by making a big stink over it?

[33girl]

I don't think it's inappropriate at all, especially if you were in the chapter when this woman was given a bid. Just send one of the chapter members a quick email with a link saying "hey, isn't this the chick who declined her bid? I thought she wasn't allowed to join anything for a year. What's she doing in their group?"

Have you checked on the other sorority's website (not their myspace) to see if she's listed as a member?

Of course, it could be what other people have mentioned - that the other sorority let her in their facebook group even though she isn't a member, and whether or not she WILL be a member is still up in the air. They might be using it as a form of dirty rushing and when fall comes, she'll be high and dry.

Facebook is NOT to be taken as a source of infallible info, that's for sure. Before you get upset, make sure it really is something to get upset about.

[ekDZ1535]

Well, put yourself in an undergrad's shoes a couple years ago - would you want this information from an alum? Only you know your chapter's culture, and an alum myself, I wouldn't hesitate to contact the chapter's leadership (depending on your relationship with them) and make them aware - or contact the chapter's advisor, who may be even more upset than you as an alum about the situation.

You can't prevent this from happening, in particular as an alum - all your chapter can do is continue to play by the rules. Inform them but let them decide if this a battle worth fighting. Potentially, could the chapter already be handling the issue? Like you said, you may not be able to keep the chapter from taking the member, and that isn't your ideal, but however, picture this. So the sorority in question gives out bids in the summer/late spring semester (this was common at my school) to at the very least replace graduating seniors. If the bid is extended before the beginning of your formal recruitment period, it isn't going to go against you in formal recruitment in the fall, so you take home quota plus you have girls you already extended bids to so you can be even closer to making campus total. Now, if the chapter waited as they needed to until the day after the one calendar year after the member received the bid, and at that point they have reached total, they can't take her, which is only fair, since they are not suppose to have her now as a member.

Those are the scenarios, and obviously a bit at length, but this is why the chapter needs to just have the information and decide for themselves - a PHC or Greek advisor, with the trusty Green Book and years of experience will know best how to navigate the situation with the chapter and may not blow it up into any fiasco at all but rather allow all parties - including the PNM - be treated fairly.