How soon do you get serious??

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

I did a search and couldn't find this topic....say you meet someone and you're clicking on all cylinders...everything is working out perfectly...but its only been say 1 or 2 months into the new relationship....do you worry about societal standards for how long you should date...or what your friends/family think or may say about it...or do you follow your heart.....my friend is about to marry someone who she has known for 3 months....whats your take???

[AOII_LB93]

A girl I know at work married someone she had only dated for about 4 months...on the outside it looks ok, it's a mess in reality. I think she was just dying to get married, because a bunch of her friends recently did and she felt left out, plus she has a very loud biological clock. They've finally been together for a year(married only since this past August), but it's just not a good situation at all...more problems than you can shake a stick at.

To each their own, but a year minimum in my book...then at least you are semi out of the infatuation stage and know what it's like to be together when it's not all hot and heavy. Reality sets in...and sometimes reality is a good thing. I think the above girl had she had gotten to know him better would have had second thoughts at this point.

[33girl]

Every situation is different. Some people marry after dating for YEARS and then divorce almost immediately. Some people meet and fall in love in less than a month and are deliriously happy and in love for the rest of their lives.

Things happen when they happen. I will say though, if YOU have unsolved issues - like the aforementioned biological clock - it doesn't matter how long you date, the relationship will be flawed. Marrying someone just because your friends do or because you want to procreate is always a bad plan.

[Marie]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

I did a search and couldn't find this topic....say you meet someone and you're clicking on all cylinders...everything is working out perfectly...but its only been say 1 or 2 months into the new relationship....do you worry about societal standards for how long you should date...or what your friends/family think or may say about it...or do you follow your heart.....my friend is about to marry someone who she has known for 3 months....whats your take???

FYI: Here is a link to a similar thread. A lot of good opinions were given there: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=how+long

I have been pondering the same question myself. Although things may feel completely right, I think that it is worth it to give the relationship some time to develop. Its just such a serious commitment that you really want to do it right. Truthfully 3 months is such a short amount of time that there are lots of things left to learn about a person. I have to wonder if your friend really knows her guys stance on things like parenting and religion and finances. Does she know for sure that he will stick by her and stand with her if she fell deathly ill (God forbid) or became disabled. Do they both agree on how to manage elderly parents? Will the parents come and live with you or go to a Home. Are they both clear on what the marriage deal breakers are? infidelity? physical abuse? substance abuse? Have they discussed expectations on how to repair damage to the marriage when divorce isn't the preferred course of action?

I know that you can't cover every topic and know all things about your mate b4 you get married. However, there is a lot that you just learn and find out about your mate when you really give the relationship time to develop prior to getting married. For myself I have to say at least a year prefferably 2 prior to engagement. Given that your girl is moving forward, then she should at least go in knowing that there are gonna be some surprises and prepared to be flexible and deal with them. Best of luck to her and her marriage!

[amanda6035]

My fiance and I have been together since October 2004 - We've been engaged since last December - about 14 months after we started dating. We'll be getting married 2 1/2 weeks shy of our 3 year dating anniversary.

[LeslieAGD]

My now-husband and I clicked right away. After four months, I told a friend that he's the man I'd marry.
A year after that he proposed, and a year and a half later we married.

It's different for everyone; you can't put a timeline on your feelings.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by LeslieAGD

My now-husband and I clicked right away. After four months, I told a friend that he's the man I'd marry.
A year after that he proposed, and a year and a half later we married.

It's different for everyone; you can't put a timeline on your feelings.

This makes me feel so much better now. I knew, within two months, that my boyfriend is The One. Sometimes you just know. We're perfect for each other on a scary level. My parents met on a blind date and were engaged 3 months later. Sometimes, you just know. Other people, it takes time.

[Glitter650]

Originally Posted by LeslieAGD

My now-husband and I clicked right away. After four months, I told a friend that he's the man I'd marry.
A year after that he proposed, and a year and a half later we married.

It's different for everyone; you can't put a timeline on your feelings.

You KNEW but you didn't act on it right away... there's a difference between knowing at 4 months that you feel this is "THE" one and it's right... and calling a wedding planner and buying rings three months in.

[cutie_cat_4ever]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

To each their own, but a year minimum in my book...then at least you are semi out of the infatuation stage and know what it's like to be together when it's not all hot and heavy. Reality sets in...and sometimes reality is a good thing. I think the above girl had she had gotten to know him better would have had second thoughts at this point.

I agree. Sometimes you may get blind with this whole warm fuzzy feeling and once you get used to it, it fades and you may not feel the link afterall.

I personally think the best as, LB93 says, to wait until that stage is gone, no matter how long it takes, then you will truly know if he's the right guy for you. You will know if you can picture yourself spending the rest of your life with him

[BetteDavisEyes]

My hubby's cousin and her fiance are getting married this January after only knowing & dating each other for 6 months. I think it's stupidity to the max but then again, she's 19.

I think that a year is at least a minimum.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

I did a search and couldn't find this topic....say you meet someone and you're clicking on all cylinders...everything is working out perfectly...but its only been say 1 or 2 months into the new relationship....do you worry about societal standards for how long you should date...or what your friends/family think or may say about it...or do you follow your heart.....my friend is about to marry someone who she has known for 3 months....whats your take???

I don't go based on societal standards or what my family would think.

I go based on my common sense and intellect. I know that 3 months isn't enough time for ME to get to know someone for a lifetime commitment. In 3 months, even if relationships move fast and go QUICKLY beyond the honeymoon stage of perfection, you haven't seen that person in all seasons. You haven't seen the full impact that things like money issues, family issues, and insecurities can have on a relationship.

I have a friend who married after 3 months. They had a lot of issues but have sworn to work it out--only because some people think the Bible says divorce is a sin. Which I think is a crock but oh well. They are doing fine right now. Or their version of "fine."

So anything can hypothetically be worked out if people struggle enough to work it out. That doesn't mean it SHOULD work out. Love does NOT concur all because lifetime commitments are about so much more than love (and convenience). You have to be compatible on so many levels beyond just being a lovebug. I know that 3 months isn't enough time for ME to find that compatibility.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by LeslieAGD

My now-husband and I clicked right away. After four months, I told a friend that he's the man I'd marry.

Many of us can relate to that sentiment. There's nothing wrong with that. But actually marrying him after 4 months is a different story.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally Posted by centaur532

This makes me feel so much better now. I knew, within two months, that my boyfriend is The One. Sometimes you just know. We're perfect for each other on a scary level. My parents met on a blind date and were engaged 3 months later. Sometimes, you just know. Other people, it takes time.

I'm the same as you. I knew after 2 months that he was the one I was going to marry. 1 year and a half later I still feel the same way. While we're not officially engaged, I say we're unofficially engaged because we have talked about it so much. We moved in together just a few months after our 1 year anniversary. We know we're going to marry soon, we're just trying to save up money for a ring, wedding, house, etc., etc.

[honeychile]

Lots of good advice, such as Marie's post, waiting a year, everybody's timeline being different, etc. My own advice is to listen to your brain, and not your heart - your heart will fall in line with what the brain knows is right. Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without!

And don't let anyone pressure you to hurry up or to slow down, even if it's the week before the proposed wedding!

[SxyLady07]

I agree with the posters saying it depends on that person. Only he or she knows what is right for her. My mom remarried after 5 years of courting with her husband/fiance/now ex-husband. My grandparents on the other hand were kids (my grammy being around 13 and my granddaddy around 18 (don't quote me for sure on the ages but close enough)) and before my grammy passed, they were married for 40+ years. Things change between their era and our era. The divorce rate is so flickin' high that we need to stick with it. That is my opinion, though