Nannies, Au Pairs, Governesses

[NinjaPoodle]

I did a search regarding this topic and found nothing.
I'm reading The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus which came out in 2002. I find it pretty funny but sad too seeing as that the fictitious events are based on their experiences as nannies during their college years. I also reflected on my experience with the nanny I had when I was 5-8years old.

My questions:
1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)
2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.
3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..
4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?
5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..
6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?
7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...
9. Do you think it's elitist?

FYI..I posted this in Chit Chat also.

[AKA2D '91]

1. I guess so. I didn't call her Nanny so and so. She was with me from 1.5-4 years old. She didn't live with us. She reported in the AM and left after one of my parents got home.
2. I'm not really sure what you are asking, but I still had a great bonding experience with those outside my immediate family. I think this could be one of the reasons I"ve always gravitated towards older people.
3. They were at work. My mother was required to stay on a one year maternity leave. After she returned to work, someone had to keep me and clean.
4. On the surface, yes. I had someone at home caring for me.
5. She was Black. No.
6. I guess my mother would become their nanny without the fee.
7. One has to do what one has to do. Each individual/couple has to make the best decision(s) for themselves.
8. see #7
9. Nope

[MightyQuinn]

1. No, I never had one for myself but I am currently living in Germany and my husband and I have hired one for our 3 year old daughter.

2. I'm not sure what you mean but as far as family goes my sister and her family live about 2 1/2 hours away and we visit often.

3. We hired a nanny because we wanted more personal care for our daughter. Although we would have liked for her to attend a German Daycare we didn't want her to feel overwhelmed or left out (most children attending German Daycares speak little or no english).

4. It works for now but it definitely will not be a long term thing.

5. Our Nanny is German and it helps a bit because she gives excellent advice about getting around our community and things to look out for.

6. N/A

7. Our arrangement works for us but we don't let her raise our daughter for us. She's more like a childcare provider that makes house calls.

8. In Germany it is definitely a plus. Most people opt for Nannies and they are not as expensive as one would think.

9. Not at all


Side note for Sorors:

I have the honor of being an active and financial member of our Germany Alumnae Chapter and it is absolutely awesome! I don't know how many of you get a chance to travel abroad but if you are ever in Europe check us out and see all the wonderful things Sorors are doing in Germany! The only down side is there are Sorors spread all over Germany and sometimes you have to travel anywhere up to 3 hours to attend Sorority meetings (which is the case for me). It is definitely worth is though!

[BLUTANG]

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)
Yes, the same woman worked with us until I was 8.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.
i was SPOILED ROTTEN and i thought i could talk to adults (except my daddy) any kind of way.

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..
Both parents worked outside the home AND we didn't have family physically near us... i guess it was cheaper to have at home help than to pay for day care.

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?
Yes: i grew up realizing that people have to WORK
No: i'm a recovering brat. I have to make a consious effort to (1) not be selfish and (2) think about how my actions affect other people. Also, i have to work towards being less devastated when things DON'T go my way. I'ma grown twenty(cough) year old woman and i'm still learning how to REALLY treat people with repect.

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..
she was Korean, and we lived in an all white area. Not to sound cheesy, but i think this helped me to see that "we minorites have to stick together." When we moved away, i met more asian friends than Af-Am, and as i grew older my parents urged me to attend an HBCU to get the "black experience." Now that i think about it, in my adult life i gravitate more towards "multicultural" than all AfAm or white (friends, business partners, etc.)

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?
HOPEFULLY i'll be able to stay home or work a more flexible schedule than my parents did. If not, then i think daycare and interaction with other children would be more beneficial than hiring in-home help.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?
i think every situation is different. I can look back and say my parents did the best they could with what they had... In their case, "what they had" was financial resources but not an extended family network OR a lot of time. For them, providing a NICE roof over my head and giving me the material things & opportunities they didn't have (music lessons, team sports, etc.) was the most important part of parenting.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...
Every situation is different, but my gut reaction is yes (ESPECIALLY when more than one kid is in the picture - everybody could use a little help!). I can't say society would be better off without nannies / au pairs, etc. You can be a stay-at-home mom and still be an absentee parent, just like you can have a nanny and STILL be there to tuck in your child at night.

9. Do you think it's elitist?
Kind of... but again, every situation is different.

[Steeltrap]

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

Yes, until I was 10 years old.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.
My mother told me a story about how my "Gigi" wouldn't let me lick off other kids' ice cream cones, so I may have inadvertently felt a "cut above other kids."

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..
Finances. My family wouldn't have had the lifestyle they did if not for my mother's income. She outearned my father.

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?
I think it was, despite the early story I told. Gigi was actually more like my grandmother.

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

Gigi was AfAm. She was the mother of one of the ladies who worked at the hospital with MamaTrap.

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

I am a non-mother, but if I ever marry an established, financially secure man (while continuing to work myself), I'd get a nanny. I'd rather them be cared for at home, particularly if young. Besides, I'm a chapter officer and if I continue serving in certain offices, I wouldn't be able to take my kids to meeting.
Race -- I'd prefer AfAm/African/West Indian, but would hire another woman of color.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about these type of arrangements?

As long as it's not exploitive, it's cool.


8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...

Yes, as long as the society still considers child-rearing a woman's function.

9. Do you think it's elitist?

Not really. We were middle- to upper-middle class, and I had Gigi.

[DELTABRAT]

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
I did a search regarding this topic and found nothing.
I'm reading The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus which came out in 2002. I find it pretty funny but sad too seeing as that the fictitious events are based on their experiences as nannies during their college years. I also reflected on my experience with the nanny I had when I was 5-8years old.

My questions:
1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

Yes. Until I I was 15. She lived with us.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.

I don't think it negatively affected me at all. I was spoiled to death but I don't think it was because of her. It didn't even dawn on me that she was a nanny until I got older. At the point she no longer had to get us from school, she became more "the housekeeper."

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

My mother and father divorced when I was 3. She was there before then but I didn't become aware of her "presence" until after the divorce. Probably because I was more aware of how she pretty much held sh** together for my mother. My mother was working and my father's cash paid for the nanny.

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

Yes. She picked my brother and I up from school. She stayed with my baby brother all day at home. He spoke nothing but Spanish and couldn't speak good english for a long time because of her (until he got into pre-school). Good and bad, I guess. He still can so it's good.

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

She was Latina. I didn't really think of my relationships with Latina/os with regard to my realtionship with her. It's interesting because I wrote a piece on this in a class I had on cross-cultural theories of gender because my nanny lived with us every day but only went home on SUndays. When my mother picked her up her own children would be kicking and screaming for her to stay but she "couldn't" (I guess). I never really though of the long term effects that could have had on them. She was like OURS in a way and not her own children's mother. It was really "The COlor Purpe-ish" when Sophia couldn't stay with her family because Misses needed her.

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

I have a child who's 12 now. My mother is the granny/nanny and she's free.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

Depends on the situation. I believe in raising your own children unless you absolutely have to have help. I am not for the "I'm a stay at home mother AND I have a nanny because I just have to shop, get my nails done etc., etc" type of BS.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...

Sure. Why not?

9. Do you think it's elitist?

Not really. When I was in Paris I saw a lot of younger Black nannies with little white children and thought to myself "WTF?" But then again, the culture there is a bit "different." I don't know. I guess it could be elitist. I think it depends on the circumstances. I didn't think I was "better" because I had one. I just thought my mom needed help with her friggin kids. I also noticed that alot of people who responded had AF Am nannies. I think geographically, there's a difference and it could seem elitist. For some, their nannies are a part of the family and not "the hired help." Here, you will rarely see an AF AM nanny. All day, in Westwood, I see Latinas getting off the bus to go up into the hills of wherever to clean so-and-so's home and probably care for her children.

FYI..I posted this in Chit Chat also.