Unexpressed Racism Paranoia (URP)

[miss priss]

When we moved into our neighborhood, our daughter wanted to make friends with 3 Caucasian girls(who happened to be sisters). Her mother stormed out of the door to see who she was.No problem..untilllllll she casually asked me what I did for a living...no problem. Where my husband worked, not a problem. Then where did I go to school and yadayadayada. Of couse being a parent , I didn't think much of it. Until I asked her what she did,where she went to school, and what her husband does. Her answers were nothing ,junior college, and prepares taxes. Can you believe it! Then I got the feeling that this was some kind of interview to test my lifestyle. We live directly across the street from these people. Beyond the one time they played, of which we both supervised, our kids never played again. I then started to assess my "paranoia". At my job, it seemed as though my white co-workers challenged my ability. (When I mentioned I went to a HBCU, they merely shrugged as though my school wasn't capable of producing a quality professional in any arena.) Any idea I had was not feasible but they would use it and turn it around as though it was not the same. Sometimes, I would find myself explaining and proving myself ALL the time. And then there is the lady at the grocery who places the money on the table or holds the money at the edge of the dollar or drops the change in my hand as if I'll bite her. Is it mere paranoia?

[miss priss]

C'mon surely you are not saying that it doesn't exist?! I mean it happens all the time. I have seen some people tell the boss everything I did behind my back as if he didn't say do it.....WTF?!

[CodeBlue_R3]

Originally I started to take this subject through the roof, but then I figure what the heck-let's look at it from a different perspective.

I'm a multicultural female (regardless of my heritage my skin says I'm black). I'm a medical student and my boyfriend is in the military. If the two of us were married and in your situation it would give me great honor to tell that woman without a blink-I'm a doctor and my husband dedicates his life for this great nation as a crew chief in the United States Army. What is it that you and your husband do?

[librasoul22]

Yes, it DOES exist. However, you will never be able to control anyone else's actions or thoughts, only your own. Basically, no matter how you present yourself, if that coworker is gonna be covertly racist, then they are gonna be covertly racist. However, you must understand that not EVERYONE is like that. Yes, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that no matter what, people are underestimating you and your abilities (and hey, about 70% of the time, you are probably right!), but you worrying about how/what they think is not going to help the situation. My advice would be to:
A) Do your job to the BEST of your ability, and
B) Talk to your coworker(s) or your boss (in a NON-CONFRONTATIONAL way!!) and try to see where their head is. Trust me, I got fired (in a downright dirty fashion) because some chick thought I didn't respect her. I had no idea. I did have my suspicions about her mentality, though, and perhaps if I had taken the time to talk to her, I would have prevented what happened. I know it kinda sucks to bear the burden in these situations, but you also have to realize that if it comes down to your word against THEIRS...ultimately your chances are pretty slim. Better to know what you are working with, pun intended.

The chick at the grocery store is probably prejudiced, lol. Next time ask her politely to put the money in your hand. I have worked retail, and some of my coworkers had a TIME with this issue, lol.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by miss priss
When we moved into our neighborhood, our daughter wanted to make friends with 3 Caucasian girls(who happened to be sisters). Her mother stormed out of the door to see who she was.No problem..untilllllll she casually asked me what I did for a living...no problem. Where my husband worked, not a problem. Then where did I go to school and yadayadayada. Of couse being a parent , I didn't think much of it. Until I asked her what she did,where she went to school, and what her husband does. Her answers were nothing ,junior college, and prepares taxes. Can you believe it! Then I got the feeling that this was some kind of interview to test my lifestyle. We live directly across the street from these people. Beyond the one time they played, of which we both supervised, our kids never played again. I then started to assess my "paranoia". At my job, it seemed as though my white co-workers challenged my ability. (When I mentioned I went to a HBCU, they merely shrugged as though my school wasn't capable of producing a quality professional in any arena.) Any idea I had was not feasible but they would use it and turn it around as though it was not the same. Sometimes, I would find myself explaining and proving myself ALL the time. And then there is the lady at the grocery who places the money on the table or holds the money at the edge of the dollar or drops the change in my hand as if I'll bite her. Is it mere paranoia?

No you are not paranoid. This happens to me all the time with some people. In college, i use to work at a grocery store, and folks would throw their money on the counter, even though my hand would be extended out to take their money. This primarily happened with old white people. Since they were old I shrugged them off thinking that they were probably still pissed off and haven't accepted the changes after the civil rights movement . In regards to the neighbors, I currently have a dumba ass living next door to me. Out of all the people that live on this floor, he would ALWAYS come and knock on my door asking to use the phone, saying mess like "yah, you know how it is when your phone is cut off" WTF??? I'd just simpy reply NO I don't and slam the door. Or one time this fool wanted to run an extention coor from my apt to his because his lights were off. WTF?? I guess, once again, he ASSUMED that I would know what that's like.

Oh, and in regards to the work situation, oh my, I can totally relate. When one of us (or me since I was the only MINORITY) would bring up an idea, so response. But when my co-worker brings up the exact same things, then all of a sudden it was a great idea. It was like that whatever I said had to be validated by someone white.

[RedefinedDiva]

I can only shake my head at the NONSENSE that happens in the world today. Some folks go OUT OF THEIR WAY to be racist. I agree with LibraSoul. Next time a cashier places your money on the counter, let it sit there. Then politely ask her to place it in your hand. If she tries to act crazy, call the manager. You may feel like you don't have time for all that, but it is worth it. That will just make an example of her.

Racism continues to exist because people don't get checked on it. That's not the sole reason, but just one of them. Don't let anyone underestimate your abilities, knowledge, or skill. That is one of the reasones why we, as a people, should mobilize and start our own businesses. With the purchasing power and knowledge that we have in our community, we can make a major impact.

[AKAtude]

I remember when I was growing up and began to get invitations from my white classmates for play dates, sleep overs, parties, etc. My mom told me that their parents would probably ask me questions about my family and they sure enough did! The only difference is that back then, the parents asked the children directly or got their kids to ask for them. MissPriss, I think you were right to turn around and ask the same questions. If they can ask, so can you.

[straightBOS]

Originally posted by miss priss
C'mon surely you are not saying that it doesn't exist?! I mean it happens all the time. I have seen some people tell the boss everything I did behind my back as if he didn't say do it.....WTF?!

With this response, I am forced to ask the question, are you looking for an answer/opinion or reassurance/validation?

No one can know for sure what is really going on. Even those who may have similar experiences.

One cannot be sure, could be extreme paranoia. It could be your particular city/neighborhood. Or, it could be your general assumption that all white people who question your ability are racist. Who's to know? Maybe your co-workers steal your ideas because they are just a-holes.

The perception may not be the reality. But I see a quest for validation rather than a quest for general discussion, so I cannot be sure without more info.

[miss priss]

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
That is one of the reasones why we, as a people, should mobilize and start our own businesses. With the purchasing power and knowledge that we have in our community, we can make a major impact.

Diva, I own my own businesses of which most of us don't support.(Another issue another thread ) However, as a born and bred Southerner who now lives in the North, I guess I never expected URP to be like this. I'm so use to it being blatant,"Hey, I don't like your kind!"(in my best country voice ) Growing up, I always viewed Northerners as the "liberals",people who accepted change.
Case and point, I enrolled at a local university for my masters..That day it was HOT;it was the end of the day and I had already waited for 2 hrs in line to turn in 1 sheet of paper of which I needed signed .......Anywho, I went to get it signed the SECRETARY said I needed an appt.(when told the last day of registration was today ) and come back in 3 weeks to get 1 freaking paper signed! I sat down to cool off I peeped around and the counselor motioned it was o.k.. She(the secretary) gets pissed off and reads my file and personal business aloud. So words were passed...Her boss called my boss and told him that this happened. My boss told him that it had absolutely nothing to do with the school...This asswipe tried to get me fired!WTF?! URURURUR....URP!

[miss priss]

Originally posted by straightBOS


With this response, I am forced to ask the question, are you looking for an answer/opinion or reassurance/validation?

No one can know for sure what is really going on. Even those who may have similar experiences.

One cannot be sure, could be extreme paranoia. It could be your particular city/neighborhood. Or, it could be your general assumption that all white people who question your ability are racist. Who's to know? Maybe your co-workers steal your ideas because they are just a-holes.

The perception may not be the reality. But I see a quest for validation rather than a quest for general discussion, so I cannot be sure without more info.

I could respond to you negatively, but I'll give you exactly what your opinionated question requires...a response.
To imply that I am a racist is ridiculous. However, if you've ever been in the skin I'm in you would know that racism in America exist because people take a blind eye to the reality of the workplace in 2002, not just that but racism as a whole. As a Black female professional validation comes with racism. It just has a "friendlier " face. The a-holes I work with are mostly White. Now that doesn't mean I think that all whites are a-holes. It just means that whatever I do I must do 210%. Yes, the city I live in is divided. However,in most large cities division occurs...Blacks/Latinos/Mexicans on one side...Whites on another. They just have a different terminology called suburbia. Yes ,Blacks migrate to surburbia hell I live in surburbia but you can believe some folks just don't want us here so they move further. It happens. But then you teach your kids that life and the world is a bowl of jellybeans. Different colors same bowl. So when does URP stop?

[cricket]

I was having a discussion the other day with one of my white friends about Disney movies. Since the late 80's Disney movies have seemed to make an effort to show movies based from different countries/cultures. Eg:

Beauty and the Beast-France
Aladdin-Middle East
Pocahontas-Native American
Mulan-Asian
even Lilo and Stitch-Hawainn

Anyway, I mentioned that I thought Disney seemed to avoid using black/African descendant characters. Only last year, In Hearts of Atlantis, did we finally see a black character in a Disney movie(and a supporting character at that). And the one movie that did use Africa as a setting (Lion King) used animals as their characters. She thought maybe I was reading too deep into things.

Is this URP?

[AKAtude]

Originally posted by cricket
I was having a discussion the other day with one of my white friends about Disney movies. Since the late 80's Disney movies have seemed to make an effort to show movies based from different countries/cultures. Eg:

Beauty and the Beast-France
Aladdin-Middle East
Pocahontas-Native American
Mulan-Asian
even Lilo and Stitch-Hawainn

Anyway, I mentioned that I thought Disney seemed to avoid using black/African descendant characters. Only last year, In Hearts of Atlantis, did we finally see a black character in a Disney movie(and a supporting character at that). And the one movie that did use Africa as a setting (Lion King) used animals as their characters. She thought maybe I was reading too deep into things.

Is this URP?

I've noticed the same thing.

[RedefinedDiva]

I see racism in just about most things in life. That's just me. I hate things even more when people try to discredit it or write it off as me being overcritical. Maybe I am. But that's one of the liberties that I am entitled to.

Racism is up and through all things Disney. Plain and simple. I can write it off as Disney not knowing how to represent our race and not wanting to offend. However, I feel that they think that a feature film with leads of African and/or African-American descent won't be very profittable for the company. Of course everyone wants to make money, but I doubt that Disney will go belly up even if the film loses money for the company. It should be all about representing ALL races. Do we have to start a letter writing campaign?

[cricket]

OK I'm glad it's not just me. I mean, Disney was OBVIOUSLY showing negative sterotypes of black people with movies in Song of the South and Dumbo (with those crows ) but I thought these days, they were trying to make an effort to tell stories for everyone....obviously not.

[straightBOS]

Originally posted by cricket
but I thought these days, they were trying to make an effort to tell stories for everyone....obviously not.

Isn't the fact that they are using characters from such a diverse background proof of their effort?

Should they suspend making movies with casts that are of another minorty group in order to make A-As more comfortable with their movie choices?

If the movies are good and the characters are not streotypical then how can the lack of Black characters automatically equal racism?