You know you are a ghetto Christian if...

lostnfound117 · #1 07-21-2003, 04:28 PM

You know you are a Ghetto Christian if....

1) You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify that God made a way out of no way!"

2) You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.

3) You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you just got your hair did!

4) You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave early!

5) You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.

6) Your wedding song is `Secret Lovers`.

7) You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail is broken.

8) The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you sing "your" song.

9) You do not tithe because you say, "the preacher might be crooked and stealing the Lord`s money, so I don`t want to give it to him."

10) After you`ve done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don`t repent but say, "Well the Lord knows my heart."

11) If you have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, thou shall not smoke."

12) Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.

13) You buy "hot" merchandise and testify the Lord blessed me with a TV, jewlery, clothes etc.

14) You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service" and you asked if they served chicken.

15) You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to the congregation, "The devil don`t want me to sing this song."

Neosoulchild · #2 07-21-2003, 08:35 PM

Now that was funny, especially the first one.

Jill1228 · #3 07-21-2003, 08:37 PM

Why come I know folx like this??????

miss priss · #4 07-21-2003, 08:51 PM

How about this one?

You are a ghetto Christian if you....

Put your finger up to excuse yourself (as if no one sees you)...

I hate seeing that....

Dionysus · #5 07-21-2003, 09:08 PM

You know you're a ghetto christian if....

Your church takes a collection to get your pastor's teeth fixed. (true story

)

Neosoulchild · #6 07-21-2003, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by miss priss
How about this one?

You are a ghetto Christian if you....

Put your finger up to excuse yourself (as if no one sees you)...

I hate seeing that....

My preacher calls it, "that old baptist finger"

lostnfound117 · #7 07-22-2003, 11:33 AM

what about when soemone KNOWS they are supposed to lead asong on that sunday, but when the music starts playing during the service for their song, they put their hand on their chest in shock, look so surprised in their facial expression, and say, "WHO ME?" they know they can't WAIT to get on that microphone!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Gyrl7 · #8 07-22-2003, 01:25 PM

16. If you can smell and hear chicken frying while you trying to enjoy the service.

lostnfound117 · #9 07-22-2003, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gyrl7
16. If you can smell and hear chicken frying while you trying to enjoy the service.

i'm embarrassed cause that was my church this past sunday. they sold fish and chicken dinners after church!

LMAO

RedMusiq4U · #10 07-22-2003, 04:54 PM

You know if you're a Ghetto Christian if.......

17. The same person shouts every Sunday for 2 seconds and then sits back down.

18. Your Pastor proclaims that he/she has 5 more minutes to preach and proceeds to preach for 30 more.

19. When that same person always getting in the prayer line every Sunday asking the Lord for healing( didn't he heal you last Sunday?)

20. When the choir sings the same old tired songs every Sunday

21. The person who wants to sing all the time can't sing to save their soul.

22. You wear For Men: a white suit w/ black shoes and Women a white dress black stockings and white shoes or vice versa.

23. When you wear house shoes to Church.

24. If your Momma backsmack you in the mouth for laughing.

25. You don't see the whole family until Easter Sunday.

26. Somebody join the Church one Sunday and don't start attending til 6 months later.

27. The Deacon's always collecting money for the building fund and you haven't seen a building yet.

28. When the morning prayer lasts about 30 minutes.

Steeltrap · #11 07-22-2003, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RedMusiq4U (in part)
You know if you're a Ghetto Christian if.......

22. You wear For Men: a white suit w/ black shoes and Women a white dress black stockings and white shoes or vice versa.

Bwahahaha! LOL.

Im_just_me · #12 07-22-2003, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RedMusiq4U
You know if you're a Ghetto Christian if.......
18. Your Pastor proclaims that he/she has 5 more minutes to preach and proceeds to preach for 30 more.

LOL...This is so funny because my Pastor does this EVERY Sunday.
12:15--"I'm getting ready to close"

You can hear people closing their Bibles and gathering their things because they know that service will be over in about 10 mins...

miss priss · #13 07-23-2003, 12:22 AM

Two.... Yes 2 people leading a song and a third person grabs a mic to help ad lib. All you hear is
1st person:Ew Yeah 2nd person:OOOOOOOOO 3rd person:WhoaooooWhoaoooooIIIIIIIIIIIJJJJJesusJesusJ esus

2. If you have the church homosexual in the choir.
**He could be directing or singing and yes he IS flammin' with his long nail and hair weave****

3.The choir director (of the senior choir) looks like he is turning pages in a book. **directing and singing** turn-a-page turn-a-page

4. The preacher wipes his head and mouth about fifty times.

5. The assistant pastor is wearing this metallic-like creme suit that they told him he looked sugar-sharp in---so he wore it again.

6. Speaking of suits, how about the man that has a suit in EVERY color of the rainbow---I hate seeing black men do this; stick to black,blue, grey, brown, and dark shades of green.

7. Some sista walking down the main aisle of the church 15 minutes late to show off her new hat, dress, shoes, etc.

8. If somebody gets up to do a testimony and you whisper now you know he/she needs to sit her/his azz down.

9. The church announcer (mind you she has on this big phat azz hat) is trying to speak "proper" , as they say down South, by introducing the guest like this..."We have Mr. and Mrs. Johnny Smith from Chicago, IllANOAZZ or she'll roll her R's like this...RRRRev. RRRRooseevelt RRRRRobinson of New Mt. Veron Missionaray Baptist Church.
Dayum, I got more ***panting*** off this one Sunday, but this post is getting long so bye for now.

***I am just now reading this thread and am too through at your choice of words.** ~CT4

Mz Destiny · #14 07-23-2003, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Neosoulchild
My preacher calls it, "that old baptist finger"

I'm guilty...I was raised Baptist and I still catch myself raising my finger to walk out of service...

However, we knew it as the COGIC finger....lol

FeeFee · #15 07-23-2003, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by miss priss
[B]6. Speaking of suits, how about the man that has a suit in EVERY color of the rainbow---I hate seeing black men do this; stick to black,blue, grey, brown, and dark shades of green.

Chile, our church organist have suits in just about every color imaginable, limegreen, peach, purple, sky blue, .

Everything is color-coordinated, even the shoes are the same color as the suits.

BTW - We do lift our finger to excuse ourselves from the sanctuary. We call it the Pentacostal finger.