Dating a "sort of" married man

TheBest! · #1 08-23-2005, 04:59 PM

Ok. Before everybody says :"Oh my God how dare you!" I will put the cards on the table.
My Ex invited me to a club with his friends, he introduced me to this guy who I guess he liked me We danced and talked and he told me he was separating so I said to be brave and wait for the right girl for him (to cheer him up). The next weekend we went out again with the whole group and there he was. My ex and our friends told me that he was really in a tough situation with his bitchy wife and that he was the kind of guy every girl would like to marry.
True. We started talking and I offered myself as a good friend and made very clear I didn't want anything else besides friendship, but he started to take me out, buy me flowers, music and for my birthday like a week ago he took me to this fancy restaurant, gave me a handmade(he made it) jewerly box and inside a three gold necklace. I was wow!

Facts:
I like him but not 100%
He still lives in the same house with his wife, sleeping in different rooms (friends and ex confirmed that)
He has a 1 year old son (yeah I forgot this guy is 6 years older than me)
He said he is waiting for his broker to end the paperwork to move out to his own place.
This guy can't divorce since they got married in a catholic church (they are supposed to be married till death set them apart)

What do you think? Should I keep going out with him or disappear from his life completely.

sugar and spice · #2 08-23-2005, 05:18 PM

Sketchy!

Moral issues aside, he is obviously very much on the rebound, and I think that if you do get involved with him, you're going to get hurt.

PhiPsiRuss · #3 08-23-2005, 05:22 PM

Seperating is not the same thing as seperated. This sounds like a con to get a sympathetic girl to go along with his situation, that of not confronting his psycho or bitchy wife until the time is right. He gets to have his cake and eat it too.

LightBulb · #4 08-23-2005, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheBest!
This guy can't divorce since they got married in a catholic church (they are supposed to be married till death set them apart)

Actually, Catholics can get marriages annulled, but if it is just because his wife is "bitchy", it probably wouldn't happen. They're a big deal and hard to do. I agree with sugar and Psi though. And it would not be worth it to try to "date" a married man! Just because he's nice and buys you presents... he has a kid, man.

KSigkid · #5 08-23-2005, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhiPsiRuss
Seperating is not the same thing as seperated. This sounds like a con to get a sympathetic girl to go along with his situation, that of not confronting his psycho or bitchy wife until the time is right. He gets to have his cake and eat it too.

Sounds about right - this guy could be "seperating" for a long time.

LeslieAGD · #6 08-23-2005, 05:28 PM

I wouldn't have any kind of relationship with this guy until he was divorced or had the marriage annulled. Until then he is STILL married and you should not put yourself in the middle of that marriage.

valkyrie · #7 08-23-2005, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheBest!
My ex and our friends told me that he was really in a tough situation with his bitchy wife and that he was the kind of guy every girl would like to marry.
True. We started talking and I offered myself as a good friend and made very clear I didn't want anything else besides friendship, but he started to take me out, buy me flowers, music and for my birthday like a week ago he took me to this fancy restaurant, gave me a handmade(he made it) jewerly box and inside a three gold necklace. I was wow!

Um, no. I'm a woman who would prefer not to be married to a guy who takes out other women and buys them flowers and jewelry. I'd venture to guess that MOST women would not like to marry a guy who does that.

Quote:

Facts:
I like him but not 100%
He still lives in the same house with his wife, sleeping in different rooms (friends and ex confirmed that)
He has a 1 year old son (yeah I forgot this guy is 6 years older than me)
He said he is waiting for his broker to end the paperwork to move out to his own place.
This guy can't divorce since they got married in a catholic church (they are supposed to be married till death set them apart)
What do you think? Should I keep going out with him or disappear from his life completely.

Um, first of all, if he still lives with his wife, RUN. What kind of pansy-ass mofo needs to "wait for his broker to end the paperwork" so he can move out of the house? If he wanted to move out, he would. Period.

He can divorce. The trick is, he won't. Why should he, when he has his wife at home (and no matter what you think or what anybody tells you, you don't know a darn thing about what goes on at their house when nobody is there) and you on the side?

Also, I'd wonder what the point of being all Catholic-married and not divorcing is if he's going to be getting some on the side. He's a wuss and a hypocrite. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the fact that he thinks you're stupid enough to fall for this crap is enough to piss me off -- if I were in your place, I'd be LIVID.

CutiePie2000 · #8 08-23-2005, 05:50 PM

Don't date him until he is living in a separate residence from his wife. And even then, proceed with caution.

#9 08-23-2005, 06:08 PM

Run like there's a rabid Rotweiller chasing you. The fact that she's a pain in the butt doens't make them almost married. He's still married. Why bother if you don't even like him 100%? Sheesh, sounds too complicated to waste any more time on.

jb1617 · #10 08-23-2005, 06:19 PM

My father did the same thing for the entire 30 years he was married. My parents finally got a divorce--and yes we are Catholic so it is possible. Actually, our priest encouraged my mother to do it, so it is not unheard of in the Catholic Church.

By the way, my father told many people how "bitchy" my mother was--trust me, she wasnt. I wouldnt trust that label at face value. Im not saying that this guy's wife is sweet as pie but something made him marry her and have a child with her-recently! She cant be that bitchy.

Since you are asking for advice, I would say to run and never look back. My father had no intentions of leaving my mother--but none of his girlfriends knew that. I would also be very wary of such an extravagant gift so soon after meeting you. Men like that always make better boyfriends than husbands.

Sorry, but this really struck a nerve with me. Please get out before youre too emotionally involved.

G8Ralphaxi · #11 08-23-2005, 06:28 PM

That "waiting for the broker" excuse is B.S. Only two possibilities: (1) he doesn't really want to move out and is lying to you, or (2) he has some really crazy financial problems. I'm not saying a guy isn't worth dating unless he's rich, but if he is old enough to be married and have a kid, he should be responsible enough to be able to pay rent on a cheap little apartment for a few months.

Until he is PERMANENTLY no longer residing there and LEGALLY separated or divorced (I would demand to see the documents), you should stay far far away. If the wife finds out about you, there is a possibility that you could get dragged into their mess. You could find yourself getting subpoenaed to testify at their divorce hearing as a witness. Or worse, some states would allow the wife to sue you for "alienating the affection" of her husband.

If this guy really is Mr. Wonderful, he will still be wonderful when he is divorced and has a new address.

BobbyTheDon · #12 08-23-2005, 08:16 PM

Ok well you can one of either two things.

continue to go out with him and get lots of sunblock because when you die, you are goin to hell.

ok well the second thing is go egg your neighbors house, but that advice is for my 12 year old cousin.

Taualumna · #13 08-23-2005, 08:58 PM

He can still get a divorce. He just won't be considered "divorced" by the Catholic church.

ADqtPiMel · #14 08-23-2005, 10:10 PM

My dad has had a divorce, and we're Catholic.

And dude, RUN. FAR and FAST. Nothing good could come of this.

honeychile · #15 08-23-2005, 10:29 PM

His being "sort of" married is too much like being "a little bit pregnant".

Run. Run hard, run fast, and tell your ex not to do you any more "favors"!!!

Besides, look at your screen name: TheBest. At what? Breaking up a marriage? Breaking a child's heart? Letting yourself be used? Because that's what you're going to be accused of, in the long run.