Man shortage!!!

[TRSimon]

In my freshman year of college, the female to male ratio was 6 to 1. By the time I graduated, it was approaching 10 to 1.

Do you think there is a shortage of available, quality black men? If that is the case, would you consider dating or marrying a man of a different race/ethnicity? Why or why not?

[straightBOS]

Well technically, there will always be more men than women, so there is always a shortage.

my campus was 75% male, and it was NOT all that good.

Interracial dating is cool with me because I go to a PWI. If someone looks good, and you have somethings in common to build upon, you shouldn't deny yourself that.

[BlueReign]

Girl, aint no shortage of men in my world!

I have dated outside of the race and it was just okay. I prefer to be with someone who looks like me and understands like I do.

[RHOyal-Silence]

A SHORTAGE OF MEN!!!!!!!

OH NO

but seriously, i feel there is a shortage of decent men simply because i don't have a man

but if i became attracted to someone outside of my race (although it has not happened yet)
then i would consider dating that person.

[This message has been edited by RHOyal-Silence (edited July 06, 2001).]

[Alias_01]

I think there is a shortage of black men who are GRADUATING from college. Many of us go for one or two years but dont follow through. I see it happen all too often. But as far as quality black men there is NO shortage. There are plenty of good brothers out there who just maybe are not on the school tip right now. They still work hard, provide for their families and having it going on upstairs. The interracial thing is cool with me but as a people we should never feel as though are own arent good enough for us and being to idolize what society tells us is beautiful. You always have a choice and my first choice is for my black QUEENS!!. And to think I was arguing with a co-worker about this same topic all week. :-)

Peace and Love

[TRSimon]

Originally posted by Alias_01:
But as far as quality black men there is NO shortage. There are plenty of good brothers out there who just maybe are not on the school tip right now. They still work hard, provide for their families and having it going on upstairs.

In some areas of the country, I have just noticed a shortage of available, quality black men. I mean, they don't need a degree and to look like Denzel, but a lot of them just don't respect women (or themselves)the way they used to. Some of them seem to be afraid to treat women too well or something. This is just what I have observed.

The interracial thing is cool with me but as a people we should never feel as though are own arent good enough for us and being to idolize what society tells us is beautiful.

I definitely understand that point. On the other hand, a lot of otherwise good men only date women that can pass the paper bag test, because they consider them the most beautiful. Doesn't that send the same message about us not being good enough as would interracial dating based on society's ideals?

Just wondering,
TR Simon


[This message has been edited by TRSimon (edited July 07, 2001).]

[SweetestDiva]

Originally posted by TRSimon:
I definitely understand that point. On the other hand, a lot of otherwise good men only date women that can pass the paper bag test, because they consider them the most beautiful. Doesn't that send the same message about us not being good enough as would interracial dating based on society's ideals?

Sad but true. I met a guy this week who approached me and told me how attractive he thought I was and how he loved darkskinned women... as opposed to the usual "pretty for a darkskinned girl" line I usually get. It's pretty sad something like that came as such a surprise.

[blu_theatrics]

Originally posted by TRSimon:
I definitely understand that point. On the other hand, a lot of otherwise good men only date women that can pass the paper bag test, because they consider them the most beautiful. Doesn't that send the same message about us not being good enough as would interracial dating based on society's ideals?

I am not so dissapointed in the way that men look for the so-called light skinned sister as I am in the way that they have to have these long-haired (ussually weaved) women.

I have not saw a video in a long time with a lady that was not a size 5 and weave to her behind (well maybe it was hers...I won't speculate)

Sorors, I'm not saying anything is wrong with wearing weave in and of itself, but I do hate the fact that men expect us to have this long silky straight hair to be considered attractive.

------------------

It took three rough drafts to create a masterpiece....
Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Incorporated
Epsilon Chapter

[This message has been edited by blu_theatrics (edited July 10, 2001).]

[prettypoodle6]

i agree with whoever said that there's are PLENTY of black men but quality men is another story.

i'm not saying i need a man making 6 figures and owns property all over the world, but there are some basic things i would expect from a man (simply because i expect them from myself), and i've been attracting men that:

a. dont have a job
b. wont get a job
c. enjoys hanging out at the local liquor store
d. you kinda get the idea

i have no problem dating outside of my race, but i would love to be with a black man!

[RHOyal-Silence]

i feel ya on this topic
my best friend is a black male and i asked him to break it down to me:
the question was: Why haven't i met a decent black man or why are all of the ones i meet only want to be "cut friends"

his answer: i was too intelligent and independent. i did not play games and i can spot a game when it is trying to be played. i have myself together with my own career,car,and i pay all of my bills

so is all of this a bad thing?
is that to say that men can't handle an intelligent sister who takes care of her own.
i am in no way arrogant but i don't wait to be taken care of.

[This message has been edited by RHOyal-Silence (edited July 16, 2001).]

[BlueReign]

Sad to say Rhoyal Silence, you are not alone. I feel that I am too independent and I see that the "good ones" are usually taken by women who are needy, dependent, and want to be taken care of.

[straightBOS]

But what happens when thing do wrong?
If that swhat makes men avoid storng, educated women (of any race) than who ever wants them can have them. When the rent's due and he can't pay it, should we start living on the streets so he can feel like a man? Or should I keep the roof over our heads?

If thats what one must do to preserve one's manhood, then I guess we are all doomed.

[BlueReign]

Originally posted by DoggyStyle82:
If everytime something goes wrong, the woman says "I don't need you, I got my own" or "I can do for my self", the man feels that this attitude is directed at diminishing his manhood. That is why many insecure Black men opt for the woman who does not have her life together

or appears not to have her life together.

This is a very complex and sensitive issue for me and I am with you StraightBos because most men don't know what to do with me. I am a single mother of 3 and I believe I appear "needy" when they meet me and then they realize that I am not. One guy I met a few years ago literally begged me to let him buy some clothes and stuff for my kids. I had only known him like 2 weeks!! I had to show him my kids closets and let him know that they don't want for anything because I work too dam hard to provide. Nevertheless, the relationship didn't go anywhere because of this. After 4 years alone, it wasn't until 2 years ago I met someone who could accept my independence and yet he doesn't fit into the trifling abc's that Pretty Poodle described above. And I do feel you on that one Soror, those type of men are drawn to me like a magnet!

[TRSimon]

Originally posted by DoggyStyle82:
Right question, wrong answer. Men, especially insecure men, do not want women who will challenge everything about their manhood. That is, their ability to provide for and protect their mate. If everytime something goes wrong, the woman says "I don't need you, I got my own" or "I can do for my self", the man feels that this attitude is directed at diminishing his manhood. That is why many insecure Black men opt for the woman who does not have her life together or the less challenging and confrontational white woman. I don't fall into this category, but I know plenty brothers like that.

There is something to the essence of the post, but I just don't agree with all of it. It is important sometimes to let a man feel like his contribution is vital to the family's survival. Everyone needs to be acknowledged for their hard work, and in a relationship it is no different.

If the topic of "I can get mine on my own" constantly comes up in a relationship, then it is a control thing, and one of the things that is really needed for a successful relationship is for both individuals to know when to relinquish or share control for the good of the couple/family.

If a man is insecure to the point where he never wants to relinquish control over anything to his woman, trust me, he is really really worth letting get away.



[This message has been edited by TRSimon (edited July 17, 2001).]

[DoggyStyle82]

Originally posted by BlueReign:
Sad to say Rhoyal Silence, you are not alone. I feel that I am too independent and I see that the "good ones" are usually taken by women who are needy, dependent, and want to be taken care of.

Right question, wrong answer. Men, especially insecure men, do not want women who will challenge everything about their manhood. That is, their ability to provide for and protect their mate. If everytime something goes wrong, the woman says "I don't need you, I got my own" or "I can do for my self", the man feels that this attitude is directed at diminishing his manhood. That is why many insecure Black men opt for the woman who does not have her life together or the less challenging and confrontational white woman. I don't fall into this category, but I know plenty brothers like that.