desperately need help

[luckyxstar11]

Hi. I've been snooping around these boards for awhile, but this is my first time posting here. I know this is posted about alot, but I desperately need help about it, and this is close to my last resort. I'm in a sorority (not going to say which one or where...) I'm a junior at my school and pledged my sorority my freshman year. I didn't really go in on my own. My roommate and another friend from home were doing it, so I figured, why not? My roommate went to a differnet sorority than mine, and after leaving recruitment and then coming to my sorority house with me my other friend joined mine with me.

Since about early October of last school year I have thought about quitting. I just don't feel connected with alot of the girls. I do have my 2 or 3 really close friends that I know will support me with whatever I choose to do, but I just don't know what to do about it. Whenever I'm at sorority meetings or chapter or anything, I can't get the idea of leaving the chapter out of my head. My chapter isn't one of the "bottom-feeders" at my school, but it is close to it, and our numbers are dropping lower each year because of graduation and low COB numbers. I lived in the house this past year and it was nice being close to people, but i still dreaded most every meeting. Now that I'm going to have an apartment off campus, I will want to go to even less. It doesn't help that my roommate is the girl that joined with me and is now almost die-hard into the sorority. Also...the money thing is going to start to get hard now that I'm adding rent and groceries to the list of bills...

ANY help would be SOOO greatly appreciated. I have NO idea what to do and go back to school in 2 weeks. I want to get things figured out before then if I could

[WhiteDaisy128]

I could type pages about reasons to stay, but that won't really matter to you if you are set on going (almost everyone considers quitting at one point or another). I do want to remind you of what happens after graduation though...you get lifelong membership - no matter where you are. Even if you don't connect with your chapter sisters, you might meet sisters later in other places that with out your affiliation you might have never met.

There were hard times during my collegiate days, but I'm glad I stuck it out...it has done a lot for me in just the past year as an alumna.

Good luck with your decision.

[luckyxstar11]

That's what alot of people have been telling me about it's a good way to get connections into jobs and everything. But I just don't know if it's worth it anymore... I've honestly thought about if it was a mistake or not since like 2 weeks after joining. I just really don't want to quit and regret it..

[KSUViolet06]

There are ALOT alot people whose experiences as a collegian were bad but became better as alumnae. Membership isn't limited to your college years. You could very well graduate, join an alumnae chapter and totally get dedicated to your sorority. Alumnae membership is very different than being a collegian, and you could like it.

Really, nothing we say is going to register if you've already made up your mind to leave. Terminating your memebership is a BIG decision that is irreversible, so give it some thought first. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

[SigmaKappaRoyal]

i feel where you are coming from.. i think there are a lot of us who want to quit at one time or another. but i'd like to agree with everyone who mentioned that you would be cutting yourself out of years of alumnae participation and that bond of sisterhood you share with the other members, locally and nationally. do you have the option of taking a quarter/semester leave of absence? taking a break could be just the thing to spark a reinterest and a wanting to participate when you return. my opinion is just to think about what you would regret more - leaving it behind forever, or sticking it out for two more years.

[DeltaEtaKP]

Like I said when someone else posted one of these "Should I drop" threads.. I don't think you would be here if you didn't think that, deep down, you were going to stay. I mean, what did you expect? All these people who love Greek Life and obviously spend a lot of time thinking about it were going to tell you to quit? No... Of course the majority of us think that Greek Life is great.. there are many benefits in and out of college, and when you leave college, you are still a sister, and you will be able to find an alumnae (sp?) group... and find a better fit on the National level b/c all chapters are different.

[winneythepooh7]

I didn't care for many of my chapter sisters, and honestly, as an alum now I really have little to no contact with them. But being a sister I have been able to meet a lot of cool people I would have never have met if it wasn't for DPhiE. I joined my org as a Junior so I had a different experience than many on the boards, and maybe things would have been different if I went to my school as a Freshman and joined earlier. But that was the cards I was dealt. I think that overall we need to remember that being part of a GLO goes beyond a chapter affiliation and if you give that up based on your chapter, you may regret it a great deal down the road.

[PM_Mama00]

My 2nd year of being active, our president didn't like me. Actually the year after that the next one didn't like me either.... they were friends so go figure. That time was the worst for me in teh chapter and I thought about leaving so many times because I couldn't stand it anymore. I was getting put on social probation for the stupidest things and half the time stuff I didn't even do. BUT I stuck it out and tried to make the best of it. You know what? It got better!

Now that I'm alum, I sometimes think that I regret joining a sorority, but then I remember the friends that I DID make while active. And I'm not gona lie... I've seen many sisters deactivate on good terms and sometimes their friendship with other sisters dissolved.

My advice? You've been in for this long. You might as well try to stick it out and see what happens. If you still aren't enjoying yourself then make the decision. Check out the options if there is a payment plan or any kind of special status for seniors. I know my chapter has a few. See what's out there first before deactivating and giving up your letters. You never know what could happen in a year!

[DaffyKD]

Keep in mind that by your junior year this is not the same house you pledged. You pledged because you felt comfortable with the gals who were already in the house. Many of them have now graduated and no longer there for the meetings with you. Every year the house changes because the personalities change. We all have had thoughts of quitting at one time or other. I thought about it quite a bit and finally sat down with the President one night in tears. I stuck it out and then graduated. I joined my first Alumnae association after I got married-- about 6 years after graduation-- because my now ex was an intern and the AA gave me a group of gals with whom I had something in common. I went through infertility and a lot of tears but having AA meetings to go to gave me something else to think about. We moved, I finally got pregnant after 4 years of trying and I joined another AA. We moved again, this time there was no AA available and I found myself getting the old one rechartered. Mission accomplished and we moved AGAIN. This time, no AA for me, I got pregnant with a very sick baby, but when we MOVED once again (my final move), there was an AA available and I would go for some good old fashioned "mommy break." Ex left me and I was home with the kids and did not go to the AA for a while. I am now back, having a ball and the next thing I knew I not only was asked to be President, but I am now doing it for the second year.


AA meetings for us are only once a month, not the same intensity as when we were collegiates. The bonds of sisterhood are wonderful. We are there for each other. We have a sister who is in the hospital where she had surgery yesterday for a tumor on her pancreas. We are all there in spirit for her, and starting tomorrow when she gets out of the ICU, we will be there physically for her.

Hang in there, it is more than worth it!

DaffyKD

[AOIIalum]

Have you talked about your concerns and your fears with any of your chapter sisters? What about a trusted adviser or alumna you know well? You mentioned that you have a couple of close friends you know will support you. That's wonderful! Sometimes people tend to get all sunshine and roses about being best friends with all of their sisters, but that's rarely reality. Also, you will get out of your experience what you put into it. If you only do the required stuff, you won't know everyone as well as if you do the fun stuff too. We don't know your full situation of course, but that's something to think about.

It's okay to not feel like "Susy Sorority" every day. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that it is okay to put ourselves, our studies, our jobs and our families first once in a while.

Take your time and make the decision right for you.

[AXiDTrish]

You mentioned you don't like going to meetings....why? Are they negative? You mention numbers lessening....is there a constant struggle during meetings about COB's that bring you or the chapter down? Do you think that perhaps you aren't the only one fighting these feelings?

If you feel that they are negative....why not talk to your sisterhood chair to pep up the meetings. Try to make them fun so you and others will want to reengage in the meetings. Perhaps sponsor a sisterhood event after a meeting to remind you why you found your place when you pledged. Find out what is inspring your roommate and draw from her energy. If you are getting pressure because of COB numbers, why not look for new idea's that are fun and inspire sisterhood. Be a solution to the problems, not accentuate them by leaving.

My opinion....quitting is too easy...isn't doesn't build character, it doesn't teach you anything so when real tough things happen you have the drive and confidence to push through it! When the tough stuff does happen your network will be gone when you need support the most. You can use the money, time, argument until your blue in the face, but it's purely an excuse....believe me many, many sorority women around the country pay apartment rent and grocery bills AND they are successful in school, work, and their chapter.

Sorry if this is coming across harshly, but you don't learn and succeed in any aspect of life by looking for an out....you learn by stepping up and interacting to make the chapter a better place. I promise you will later feel a huge sense of accomplishment versus a sad fading memory about how you left.......

[Tom Earp]

"Sorry if this is coming across harshly, but you don't learn and succeed in any aspect of life by looking for an out....you learn by stepping up and interacting to make the chapter a better place. I promise you will later feel a huge sense of accomplishment versus a sad fading memory about how you left......."

Trish, dont think this comes on to harsh at all!

Anytime there is a Large or DSmall Group of People, they will not all get along at all. Heck from the initial time of BX Local, there were some factions of one or another, but We got the job done.

Life after Undergraduate GLO is a whole New World if you want to make it that.


4-5 years is a gnats ass in Your life and much more to live and many more Sisters to meet.

Old saying suck it up, but also check as some said above, check with some of Your Closest Sisterws and Advisor. If things do not change, there may not be a Chapter there in the near future.

[ADPi Conniebama]

I guess I am different from "everyone else." I NEVER wanted to give my pin in. In fact, I was quoted as saying you would have to take my pin from my cold dead hands. Therefore, I obviously don't know where you are coming from, but. . .

As an alumna advisor, I will lay some advice on you. . . .

I am sure you have heard this a ton of times, but, you will only get out of your sorority what you put into it.

I mean you typed
"Since about early October of last school year I have thought about quitting. I just don't feel connected with alot of the girls. "

and

"I lived in the house this past year and it was nice being close to people, but i still dreaded most every meeting."

So, I don't really know where you are coming from there either . . . however, if the sorority has changed so much in 2 years that you are willing to throw away your initiation rights then, all I know to tell you is if you don't like it, change it.

You are there during recruitment . . . . get girls that will help you make that chapter better. Recruit what you want the sorority to become.

I have heard about girls giving in their sorority badge/pin because they "got tired" of sorority life, well if that is the case then, you need to know what you are doing and why you are doing it. And, like AXiDTrish said, don't use money or time as an excuse.

You got in your GLO cause you wanted to, get out cause you want to. Don't blame anyone else for your decisions. (if you can learn anything from quitting learn that. Because, your whole life will be like this and you can't blame other people for quitting a job or leaving an apartment or moving to another city, etc)

WOW I didn't know I had that in me. I think I was taking it out on you that my employees quit sometimes, because they just don't want to work they just want a check, however, they always figure out a way to try to blame the company for all of their problems. So, Please don't take it personally.

I read back through my post in anticipation of a "before post edit" and I decided to leave it the way it is. However, I will add that if you (luckyxstar11) are unhappy in your sorority try to do everything to make the sorority better before you decide to quit. AND, don't forget that it is a National Sorority and should be a Lifetime commitment, and there is life after college.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally posted by ADPi Conniebama
I guess I am different from "everyone else." I NEVER wanted to give my pin in. In fact, I was quoted as saying you would have to take my pin from my cold dead hands. Therefore, I obviously don't know where you are coming from, but. . .

I'm with you there. Even with the ups and downs that my chapter has seen, I always went back to the fact that I was privileged to be granted membership, that I loved my girls, and honestly didn't know what I'd do without them.

[navane]

Originally posted by ADPi Conniebama
However, I will add that if you (luckyxstar11) are unhappy in your sorority try to do everything to make the sorority better before you decide to quit.

I have to agree with this statement. Allow me to use a personal example:

I am a member of a national club (not a Greek org) which, by all appearances, was going down the tubes. At the time, I was a chairperson for a minor department on the national level and had been Past President of a local chapter. I wasn't the top person by any means, but I certainly put a lot more effort in than some other members. I felt discouraged that the organization was going nowhere and, after 10 years of participation, I gave serious thought to quitting.

However, one day the lightbulb came on in my brain and I realized that I wanted to participate and I wanted the organization to *succeed*. I felt that I owed it to myself and the organization to make one last push. I felt that I need to make a real and honest effort. I told myself that, if the club still failed after that, then at least I could sleep at night knowing that *I tried*.

To me, being in charge of some insignificant little department wasn't really making an effort. So, I petitioned the National Board and volunteered to fill one of the vacancies. I got the job....and I got to work. Just two months later, we had elections and I was asked if I would consider moving up a level to be on the National Board itself. I agreed and I am now signed up for a three-year term as "third in command" of the national organization.

So great, there I was disgruntled and ready to quit... and now I've committed myself to serve as one of the top-ranking members for the next three years. Doh! The other board members and I have been working really hard to create new programs and services and have been campaigning to combat the apathy in the membership and win people back over. It's working! I am now heading back towards the direction of feeling better about things and I think the membership is coming around too! Why? Because I decided to be the change I wanted to see....and to serve as a living example of what I wanted others to be as well.

The key here is that I made a *committment* and I was willing to put the effort in. I acknowledged that we were getting lame and that I wasn't doing anything to help. Believe me, sometimes being honest is a great place to start.

Be honest with yourself - have you REALLY put an effort into your sorority? You mentioned that you dread going to meetings - are you sitting through them frowning and not contributing anything? Are you watching the sorority do poorly with numbers but not doing anything to help?

The difference between your story and mine is that I could have quit my club and then rejoined later if I wanted to do so. In your case, quitting a sorority sometimes means that you can't always change your mind later or join another one. I would encourage you to carefully weigh this decision before you do it. Perhaps you might like to give it one last go before quitting; and I mean a proper go....not some half-hearted attempt to show up to meetings. Volunteer to be on the recruitment committee, volunteer to be on the sisterhood committee.... anything where you can put some effort in.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE.

DON'T SIT ON THE CURB AND WATCH AS THE PARADE PASSES YOU BY.

If you still can't swing it, then at least you can say that you really tried.

.....Kelly