the "Talk"

DolphinChicaDDD · #1 09-06-2004, 08:00 PM

When is it the appropriate time to have the "Talk" with your significant other? Ya know, the "are-we-dating-exclusively" talk.

Here is my story: I met "the boy" (henceforth known as AB) in November. Actually, he claims we met in October. However, I was completely shitfaced and don't recall the supposed meeting at all...or the fact that I apparently stole a lolipop out of his mouth...so in my mind, it didn' happen. Moving onward, we met at the end of Nov (at a mixer, no less) and hung out pretty much all the time for the rest of the semester. He went to my formal and I went to his semi-formal. We see each other over winter break-as he lives about 30min away, he comes skiing with my family, etc. Problem arises- he studied abroad the spring semester. Before he leaves in Feb, he comes to school at least twice to see me and one to see me at home when I get mono and mommie picks me up from school. He leaves. We email. Almost weekly. He comes back in July. Calls me the day he gets in. Sees me the next day. We hang out for the rest of the summer. He's a super senior back at school; I'm home,2 hours away, commuting to grad school.

Problem? WE NEVER HAD THE "ARE WE DATING TALK?" Because I'm a big fat chicken and couldn't do it, most likely of fear that he would say no.

This is very atypical for me. I'm not a timid person.

Is it too late to have the Talk? Thoughts? Comments? Anything?

I've been bouncing this around with another person for quite awhile

, and while I trust that person's opinion, I just want to see how others in the same situtaion react.

GCrose34 · #2 09-06-2004, 08:09 PM

Has anything ever happened between you two? Or is it simple that you hang out a lot together? If you just hang out then most likely you aren't dating but you can always change that.

I would def talk to him about it. If you aren't sure about the situation then there is a good chance that he isn't sure either.
Take yourself out of limbo and go for it.

James · #3 09-06-2004, 08:17 PM

No no no no no. Its too late. There is a window to have that talk and its closed. LEt him enjoy his senior year as unencumbered as he wants to be. He's Greek, let him enjoy his mixers and the new sorority pledges

This is his last year of it.

IF he doesn't start seeing others its gravy, if he does, well that answers your question also.

Optimist Prime · #4 09-06-2004, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
No no no no no. Its too late. There is a window to have that talk and its closed. LEt him enjoy his senior year as unencumbered as he wants to be. He's Greek, let him enjoy his mixers and the new sorority pledges This is his last year of it.

IF he doesn't start seeing others its gravy, if he does, well that answers your question also.

thanks for saying that

put to put Dolphin Chica's mind at rest....he called you the day he got in, so if I were you, I wouldn't worry.

DolphinChicaDDD · #5 09-07-2004, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by GCrose34
Has anything ever happened between you two?

What were Rudey's words in the other thread? Something about burning in fire and brimestone....
yeah, thats me.

Burn, baby, burn

valkyrie · #6 09-08-2004, 12:34 AM

I don't think it's ever too late to have The Talk, but I usually try to manipulate the situation so it's the guy initiating the discussion instead of me.

rainbowbrightCS · #7 09-08-2004, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I don't think it's ever too late to have The Talk, but I usually try to manipulate the situation so it's the guy initiating the discussion instead of me.

co-sign

winneythepooh7 · #8 09-08-2004, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I don't think it's ever too late to have The Talk, but I usually try to manipulate the situation so it's the guy initiating the discussion instead of me.

Ditto here.

Rudey · #9 09-08-2004, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DolphinChicaDDD
What were Rudey's words in the other thread? Something about burning in fire and brimestone....
yeah, thats me.

Burn, baby, burn

Satan does not serve lemonade in Hell young lady!

-Rudey
--REPENT!

PhiPsiRuss · #10 09-08-2004, 03:36 PM

If you don't establish the parameters of the relationship, and he hooks up with another woman, don't get mad at him for cheating.

Kevin · #11 09-08-2004, 03:52 PM

I actually had a "talk" saying that I refused to engage in relationship defining talk.

So far, we've been monogomous for 4 years. The 'State of the Relationship' talk -- "Where are we, where are we going" crap places undue stress on a relationship in my opinion and should be avoided at all costs.

Just go with the flow and allow the relationship to define itself.

kappaloo · #12 09-08-2004, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Satan does not serve lemonade in Hell young lady!

-Rudey
--REPENT!

There's only lime-ade? *screams* The Horror!

James · #13 09-08-2004, 09:53 PM

Don't ruin it for him by giving her sane advice! Remember the guy code lol.

Quote:

Originally posted by PhiPsiRuss
If you don't establish the parameters of the relationship, and he hooks up with another woman, don't get mad at him for cheating.

James · #14 09-08-2004, 09:54 PM

Thats very cool actually. How did she take it when you said it like that?

Quote:

Originally posted by ktsnake
I actually had a "talk" saying that I refused to engage in relationship defining talk.

So far, we've been monogomous for 4 years. The 'State of the Relationship' talk -- "Where are we, where are we going" crap places undue stress on a relationship in my opinion and should be avoided at all costs.

Just go with the flow and allow the relationship to define itself.

Kevin · #15 09-09-2004, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Thats very cool actually. How did she take it when you said it like that?

She agreed actually. Also, she doesn't have a choice. It takes two to have "the talk". Since she's still around, it obviously didn't bother her too much

As long as I'm still feeling semi-young, I'll never be able to take a state of the relationship talk seriously. I believe that relationships are serious things, but instead of being based on rules, they should be based on mutual respect.

Does that make sense?