Thoughts on Elopement?

Shima-Mizu · #1 08-20-2004, 02:22 AM

While reading through the how was your wedding thread, that got me thinking. So I'm curious for people's thoughts on the matter which is usually not something most people ever actually do... but a few do, hence why it exists!

What is everyone's thoughts on eloping?
Is it something that should be avoided at all costs?
Or do you find it daring and romantic?
Under what circumstances should a couple elope?
Should they still be planning an official ceremony later? How long after?
Best place and way to elope?

norcalchick · #2 08-20-2004, 02:41 AM

I want to elope. Go somewhere and have something romantic between the two of us. (I'm not religious, so the whole "marriage" thing isn't really for me.) It would piss off the families though. I think some people lose track of the point of getting married with all the details of planning a wedding. After I elope, I would come back and have a party.

WCUgirl · #3 08-20-2004, 02:53 AM

As an experienced bride, I would highly recommend eloping. Especially if your parents offer you $$$ to do so.

If I could do it all over again, I'd do a destination wedding. Somewhere in the Caribbean.

valkyrie · #4 08-20-2004, 04:04 AM

Eloping is the best idea, ever. I think that 99% of the time, weddings are really just a bunch of crap that distract people from what's really important in a relationship.

mu_agd · #5 08-20-2004, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXiD670
As an experienced bride, I would highly recommend eloping. Especially if your parents offer you $$$ to do so.

If I could do it all over again, I'd do a destination wedding. Somewhere in the Caribbean.

after two bat mitzvahs and my sisters wedding, my mom has said multiple times that she'll give me the money the money if i elope. not that it seems like i'm ever getting married, but if i do, i'd seriously consider that. i also love the idea of getting married on a beach int he carribbean with just family and a few close friends present. i guess when i get closer to that time, we'll really have to think about.

ISUKappa · #6 08-20-2004, 09:47 AM

What is everyone's thoughts on eloping?
I think it depends on the couple. For some, it's the best thing they can do. For others, it's not. I think eloping still needs the same amount of thought between the couple as a traditional wedding and isn't done a la Britney as a spur-of-the-moment thing.

Is it something that should be avoided at all costs?
No, it depends on the couple. Some good friends of ours eloped because she needed to be married for her job (teacher at a Catholic school). Some churches do not recognize a marriage that isn't done in the church, though, so if that's something that's important to the couple, it needs to be kept in mind.

Or do you find it daring and romantic?
It can be. It can also be a cause for disagreement in a couple if one felt pressured to elope. Depends on the couple.

Under what circumstances should a couple elope?
If after some thought and discussion, the couple feels that's the best choice for them, then I'm all for it. It doesn't matter what circumstancesm are as long as they both understand and are in agreement that this is the best thing for them.

Should they still be planning an official ceremony later?
If they want to, sure! But I don't think it's necessary.

How long after?
However long they want.

Best place and way to elope?
Vegas, Caribbean, Europe, Fiji, wherever!

There were definite times in the wedding planning process when I really wanted to toss everything and run to Vegas but I knew I wouldn't be happy with that. I loved my wedding, loved having all the family and friends who were important to me witness that moment in our lives. Someday, though, I would like to do a vow renewal somewhere private, just us two (and maybe kids).

BirthaBlue4 · #7 08-20-2004, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXiD670
If I could do it all over again, I'd do a destination wedding. Somewhere in the Caribbean.

One of my soror's sister did this in Jamaica, and it turned out cool, the only thing is remember to book the honeymoon suite, if its going to be in the same place, AT A DIFFERENT HOTEL!!! This was one thing they did that was good, because you know if people go to the wedding, they're gonna stay a few days.

But this is also a good way to eliminate a large guest list; everyone can't afford to go

aephi alum · #8 08-20-2004, 10:52 AM

While planning my wedding, I once joked about eloping in front of my mother-in-law. I made it totally obvious that I was joking, but she didn't stop bitching for the next two hours.

I agree, a couple thinking about eloping should put just as much effort into planning their married life as a couple thinking about a big wedding with a big poofy white dress, marching armies of bridesmaids and groomsmen, and a few thousand of their closest friends in attendance. Eloping is often equated with spur-of-the-moment (Britney) while big weddings are often equated with serious commitment, however this does not hold. I know people who eloped and are still happily married years later; I know people who had big weddings and are now divorced.

Under what circumstances should a couple elope? If they want to, or if they know they want to get married and build a life together but need to get it on paper in a hurry (e.g. for immigration purposes) or they can't afford the big fancy wedding. As for having an official ceremony later, sure, if and when they want to. It is (or should be) up to the couple.

aephi alum · #9 08-20-2004, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ISUKappa
Some good friends of ours eloped because she needed to be married for her job (teacher at a Catholic school).

Isn't it illegal to discriminate based on marital status?

_Opi_ · #10 08-20-2004, 11:35 AM

If you're not family or friend-oriented, you should have an elopement. Although, I love the idea of eloping (makes life easier, really), I still want my immediate family and close friends to be a part of the wedding.

ISUKappa · #11 08-20-2004, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
Isn't it illegal to discriminate based on marital status?

I know. Private Catholic high school, weird situation. They hinted she was more likely to be offered the position if she were married and living with her husband instead of engaged and living with her fiance (which was how it was at the time). Plus it made sense for insurance reasons.

AXOjen · #12 08-20-2004, 11:48 AM

We didn't technically elope... we planned our tiny wedding in advance and our immediate family was there... but it was held out of state and felt like an elopement.

I regret it every day of my life.

That was 13 years ago and we have been very happily married every day since. Yes, the marriage is far more important than the wedding.

But we made the decision for financial and practical reasons and now have memories of a friendless wedding... no traditions... just sheer practicality.

If you even suspect that a traditional wedding would be a blessing to you... than don't elope. Imo, some things are meant to be witnessed and celebrated as part of a community. Let those who love you and those who are merely supportive of you surround you with their care and their presence.

kappaloo · #13 08-20-2004, 12:00 PM

.

Xylochick216 · #14 08-20-2004, 12:21 PM

My mom always told my sister and me that a marriage wasn't official unless she was there to witness it

I know it would be more cost-efficient for my fiance and I to elope, but I know I would be very unhappy down the road. We've been trying to cut our guest list, but there are a lot of people we want to be there. As of now, we're planning for about 200. I know it isn't cheap, but my fiance and I are helping to pay for whatever we can.

I think eloping has a romantic quality to it. Everyone I know who has eloped had a reception afterwards that was nice. But like others have said, if you doubt at all that you will regret not having a ceremony, then don't do it. Just do whatever is right for you

SilverTurtle · #15 08-20-2004, 12:30 PM

I hate weddings, I hate the pomp & circumstance, I would hate dealing with all those people when the focus should be on me and my husband-to-be.

If I were to get married, I would elope.

And then I'd throw a big, casual party to celebrate with my friends.

My sister got married at 19 and wanted (and got) a big wedding. My mom practically begged her to elope, because she could give them quite a bit of cash as a wedding gift that way. (Which they really,really could have used). I thought she was crazy for going with the wedding, but she had a great time and was happy. To each their own.