Guy you know you shouldn't be with but you are...

DZTUBAGIRL · #1 07-15-2004, 08:54 AM

Ok this is really bothering me and I need some advice. I met this guy in January. We have been "friends"...if you know what I mean, since then. We go through periods where we see each other a lot and periods where we don't see each other for a month straight. Well I hadn't seen him for about a month and a half because I found out he was seeing someone else. Well a week ago he calls me and wants me to come over to his house with him and some of his brothers. At first I said no, I couldn't go back to the way we were before. But he called again and I gave in. I went over there and he was all about me. It was great. But I should know that is just the way he is when he wants what he wants. Well he called me two days later when I was at home. Then on Monday he had a party and me and some of my friends went. We ended up going upstairs. Well all the sudden out of the blue he asks me to be his girlfriend. I was like WTF??

As much as I want this to happen in my heart, I know it will be a bad thing. For one, he is 19 and I am 23. I am graduating in a year and he doesn't even go to class. He drinks every night of the week. And he has lied to me a lot about stupid things, so I don't know when to really take him seriously. I know it would not work, but I can't bring my self to say no. I don't really understand why I care about him but I do. Deep down I think this is what I have wanted the whole time. But I just don't trust him.
My friends have all told me what they think and they all agree to stay away from him. I understand where they are coming from I just don't know if I can do that. Has anyone else had this problem? What do you think I should do?
Sorry this was so long.

_Opi_ · #2 07-15-2004, 09:14 AM

^I agree. If you don't trust him now, you will doubt his loyalty to you everytime you see him.

He has a lot of growing up to do.

winneythepooh7 · #3 07-15-2004, 11:42 AM

hi DZ girl. your post clearly reflects that you know this guy isn't the one for you. listen to your heart. sometimes we really want to be with someone but the pain in the long-run isn't worth it. there are so many guys out there who i am sure would love to be with you.

as "Peaches-n-Cream" would say:

"There are 5 million guys in this city just looking for their______________insert your name here."

Why settle for less then the best?

AlphaFrog · #4 07-15-2004, 11:47 AM

Ok, I'm going to play devil's advocate for a second...

Are you looking to marry this guy or are you looking to have fun with a guy while you're figuring out what you DO want in a guy?

If you're only wanting to date guys because you're looking for your "Soul Mate, One True Love" I think I would go with your gut feeling here and say, don't do it...

But if you're looking for someone to hang out with and have fun with then why not for right now? And maybe he might end up shaping up later into what you might want to marry some day (people do mature in college). But, this is NOT an excuse to stay in a bad relationship if he's not treating you like you want to be treated and if he's below your standards.

DZTUBAGIRL · #5 07-15-2004, 01:46 PM

Thanks for all of your advice. This situation is really messed up. I am not particularly looking for someone to marry, even though it wouldn't be a bad thing to find someone. At first I think I just wanted companionship but as time goes on I am actually having feelings for this guy. The thing is, I have no idea how he feels about me. He says things about me all the time that makes me think he wants to be with me but I don't know if he is just doing that, I'm a guy and I feel like I should say this stuff, thing. I really need to do something about it but I just can't bring myself to say it's not what I think it is. I just need to listen to my friends and the people who responded and not talk to him. It's just really hard. I know I am talking in circles but this is really bothering me. Sorry to bother everyone with my problems

winneythepooh7 · #6 07-15-2004, 01:59 PM

You're not a bother. It is normal for people to be attracted to people that are not good for them. It's our instinct to want to *change* people. You live, learn and then move on. Hope you feel better soon!!!!

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 07-15-2004, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by winneythepooh7
hi DZ girl. your post clearly reflects that you know this guy isn't the one for you. listen to your heart. sometimes we really want to be with someone but the pain in the long-run isn't worth it. there are so many guys out there who i am sure would love to be with you.

as "Peaches-n-Cream" would say:

"There are 5 million guys in this city just looking for their______________insert your name here."

Why settle for less then the best?

Haha! I do say stuff like that, but what do I know? lol

Actually, I really think that there are millions of guys out there, and at least a few hundred are dying to meet someone exactly like DZTUBAGIRL. Do what feels right and makes you happy. Follow your heart.

DZTUBAGIRL · #8 07-16-2004, 12:16 AM

Well I think it has finallly hit me. I called him tonight and he acted like a total jerk so I am done with him. I deserve better than an imature guy who cares about no one but himself. I should have realized this a long time ago and I would have been better off. Thanks for all of your advice. Let's just hope that I can stay feeling this way.

winneythepooh7 · #9 07-16-2004, 06:52 AM

Stay strong! I remember the *boys* like this in college. They definately are NOT worth it.

BobbyTheDon · #10 07-17-2004, 01:42 PM

this kid sounds like a certain someone I know of...if he is anything like that huge stud at that age, then yeah. get rid of him. he can honestly care less. he will get over you in a week. he just wants constant sex.

sorry if this is too blunt, but its the truth

winneythepooh7 · #11 07-17-2004, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
this kid sounds like a certain someone I know of...if he is anything like that huge stud at that age, then yeah. get rid of him. he can honestly care less. he will get over you in a week. he just wants constant sex.

sorry if this is too blunt, but its the truth

Be blunt. I love hearing about life's lessons from BobbytheDon. You are always truthful.

aphibeach · #12 07-18-2004, 07:53 PM

Quote:

I know it would not work, but I can't bring my self to say no. I don't really understand why I care about him but I do. Deep down I think this is what I have wanted the whole time. But I just don't trust him.

if you can't trust the guy then this should be a simple answer. i think the problem is you like the fact that someone is giving you attention (nothing against you, we all like attention). don't think yall will start dating and he will suddenly change, it doesn't work that way especially at the age that he is at. he's going to do what he wants to do and in the end i think you will end up the one hurting the most.

tell him no and then go and spend as much time with your friends as possible. the more you're doing, the less you're going to think about him and before you know, you will start seeing a very good reason why you were better off without him.