divorce and the kids who live with it

smiley21 · #1 06-04-2004, 10:28 PM

my parents got divorced in 1991. yet today, i have to be in the middle of their arguements.
see, my parents have a business together. this is crazy cause they should not be working together. but they seemed to really work well together. but lately, the tension has been getting thick. it exploded this past tuesday when my dad started yelling at my mom. i was in the room when it happen. i got so ticked off that i yelled to get them to stop. i was so angry.
my dad lives in ocala and my mom, sister, and i live here in jacksonville. that puts my dad two hours away from us. my dad gets very mad if he cannot reach us on our cell phones or the house phone. he also gets mad if he knows that i am out with my boyfriend. he gets mad at not getting his way. i wish he would get married again so the attention can be taken from us.

my word, i am 22 years old and this divorce is 13 years old. i should not still be suffering the fights between my parents. nor should i have to give an account of everything that i do to a parent that lives 2 hours away. i do not need this stress. i have enough to think about.

i am so mad i could chew some glass......not really

Kevin · #2 06-05-2004, 03:26 AM

I work in a law office where about 85% of what we handle is family law. I can tell you that you are not alone AT ALL in your family's petiness. Yeah, you parents just don't know how to let bygones be bygones.

My only advice is to not let it rub off on you!

AchtungBaby80 · #3 06-05-2004, 03:30 AM

A lot of people think that kids "get over" their parents' divorce after a while, but in reality you live with it your whole life. My parents have been divorced since I was 4, and I'm still trying to juggle things so that I make enough time for everyone. Having two Thanksgivings, two birthdays, two Christmases when I was little was fun sometimes, but as I get older it gets harder and harder to fit everything in and I find myself wishing I could be like "normal" people and just have one of everything. I mean, OK, being a divorced kid is getting to be the norm, but still. I always wondered what it was like to have only two parents, four grandparents, etc. My parents didn't exactly part on the most amicable of terms, either, so that adds another complication...I don't think kids should be told negative things by one parent about the other parent...but that's a whole other discussion. So yes, having divorced parents can suck sometimes, even though I know everyone is much better off.

valkyrie · #4 06-05-2004, 12:32 PM

When I was growing up, I used to wish that my parents would get divorced because all they ever do is argue. They're still together, and I really don't know why -- it doesn't seem that they like each other very much, but yet there they are.

Anyway, it's my opinion that it's not always best to stay together, even when there's a kid.

smiley21 · #5 06-05-2004, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
When I was growing up, I used to wish that my parents would get divorced because all they ever do is argue. They're still together, and I really don't know why -- it doesn't seem that they like each other very much, but yet there they are.

Anyway, it's my opinion that it's not always best to stay together, even when there's a kid.

i agree. that is why i hate when couples say that they are staying together for the kid. who are they kidding? you are not doing your child any favors by staying together if you are just going to fight and secretly hate each other.

and i HATE when parents bad mouth each other to their children.

#6 06-05-2004, 12:46 PM

Divorce on a child is hard. I am a paralegal and i work in family law and seen some really bad situations involving kids. I also see how the little things also affect a child the most.

I was raised in a family where divorce is frowned upon but if it has to be it has to be. Staying together for the child it makes matters worse.

I recently am divorced and i have a 4 yr old child. I will say that his father as a husband is everything but a child of God ,but as a father he loves his child very much and his son looks up to him in a huge way so i am blessed with that but i also have seen how the pety bickering between his father and I have affected my son in so many ways and how he feels the tension and the insecure feelings in the way he presents to us. We we have both adopted the bygones be bygones attitude for him and we are better friends and get along so much better being divorced than we were ever married.

Recently, his father moved back to oklahoma and at 4 you think kids are not phased by things......this has left him feeling very insecure and is my shadow and very clingy.

Divorce may be ugly and cruel but to get away from the ill will and pettiness and ugliness of it i say do it before it hurts more for the child and all invovled.

XOMichelle · #7 06-05-2004, 07:05 PM

My parents finalized their divorce in Feb. It's easy to stay out of things when I am away from them, but both like to throw their version of what happened my way. I never argue with whomever I am with at the moment, and just quietly let them get their frustrations out. I mean, who else are they supposed to talk to?

There are been some awkward moments, like at my graduation last year when my Dad proudly proclaimed his "soon to be ex-wife" needed soemthing in her hotel room, but msotly it has been difficult to see them. I live far away from them both, and they live far away from eachother (my parents live in Wisconsin and Alabama and I am in California).

Make it clear to your parents what your stance is. It helps when they want to talk to you.

smiley21 · #8 06-05-2004, 11:03 PM

now my dad wants to have complete control of me. it used to be that all i had to do was stay in school and get good grades, then he would take care of my car. now its if i do what he said or if i tick him off in any way, then he will almost completely cut me off financially.

what does this have to do with the divorce? my dad doesnt have anyone in his life. so he has no one to dominate over. so he is trying to control me and it is getting bad for my sister too.
what i also think is the matter is the fact that i yelled at him when he was yelling at my mom. that really ticked him off. so he has been lashing out at me all week. i got into a huge fight with him tonight. i think that he might have been drinking.

i do not know what to do. i cannot afford to take care of myself without crushing my dreams that i have for finishing college. but i hate how my dad is trying to ccompletely control and threaten me. he may be just being a dad. but he is being a real jerk. he doesnt let me stand to him. whenever i try to fight back, he yells louder to drown me out. i hate it.