Is it wrong to keep dating him??

absolutuscchick · #1 01-03-2004, 06:44 AM

I just got back from SUCH a good date. We had a great dinner, watched a movie at his apartment, danced, kissed, cuddled. And he already is talking about relationships.....hes soooo cute. Only problem is...I'm Jewish and he's Arabic (like he believes in Allah or whatever). I know it can never really get too serious because of our religious differences....but I really like him and I had alot of fun. Is it wrong to keep on dating him, knowing I will never let it get serious, just because I'm having a good time??

ETA: And I do want a relationship....but only with Jews (preferably) or not hella religious christians/catholics...is that totally mean of me????

Eclipse · #2 01-03-2004, 07:42 AM

I certainly would not characterize wanting to date someone of the same religious background as you as being "mean". I think it makes great sense if you even remotely think that religion will play some role in your life in the future.

Whether or not you should continue to date him depends on several things IMO

How old are you? Dating someone you do not want to be serious with is o.k. in my opinion when you are 19 - 21, but beyond that, most folks are begining to look for life partners and why spend time with people you know you could not make a life partner?

How serious are you about your religion? How serious is he about his? It sounds like yours is somewhat important to you. Do you go to synogogue? Would you expect a boyfriend to celebrate the High Holy (I think that is what Jewish people call them--please forgive me if I am wrong) days with you/your family?

You say you could never get that serious with him, but your feelings don't always follow your brain in situations like this. Several dates of "good dates" with kissing and cuddling will probably lead to more stuff and that is where things get complicated.

I think the million dollar question is: If you want a relationship, why spend time with someone, no matter how fun and cute, that you know you could not be in a relationship with?

justamom · #3 01-03-2004, 08:02 AM

I don't see anything wrong (not the best term to use) with dating someone whose company you enjoy. If nothing serious develops, the worst that would happen is you've met a person with different views that can open and expand your thinking. Actually, that's possibly the best argument to continue seeing this man.
What "IF" does come to mind though because love springs from some unlikely places.

Suppose you two do fall head over heels for each other, there would be some really bumpy roads ahead of you. I'm sure you know this by the way you phrased your post. As long as you BOTH know where you stand, the risk of hurt diminishes. Yet,
one of you will feel more deeply connected than the other. I would just suggest that no "exclusive" clause exist in this relationship. Depending on your age and goals-marriage in your future-if you know in your heart it could not work, keep it more on the companionship side. I bet many would say that's unfair at most, difficult at least.

Wanting a relationship with someone of your own faith is not "mean". It's sensible. People from Dear Abby to Dr. Laura
stress the importance of same faith marriages for too many reasons to mention. My own daughter would prefer to marry a Catholic. (I'm just hoping she finds a good man who shares her
values and basic ideology.)

Good luck to you! I'm interested to hear how our fellow GCers feel on this issue. Too bad it's an "issue".

AGDee · #4 01-03-2004, 09:30 AM

I would say "sure, date him" because not every date has to lead to marriage BUT, the warning flag I picked up was your line "he's already talking relationships". Since he's already talking relationships, I think it would be fair to discuss the issue with him and let him know where you stand. There isn't a problem with dating him and it wouldn't be unfair as long as he knows the score. I agree with JAM that I wouldn't agree to exclusivity with him.

Dee

PM_Mama00 · #5 01-03-2004, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
] Only problem is...I'm Jewish and he's Arabic (like he believes in Allah or whatever).

WTF for one it's called Muslim... not believing "in Allah or whatever". You should have at least a little respect for him in that sense.

What would be mean is if you keep dating him, knowing it's not going to go somewhere, and not letting him know that. Don't lead him around on a leash... let him know what's up.

honeychile · #6 01-03-2004, 12:23 PM

I don't date outside my religion. The one time I did, it lead to heartbreak for both of us.

Since you questioned the religious difference enough to post it, I'll quote my mama: "When in doubt, don't!" It will hold true for most of life's problems.

Let him find a good woman of his own faith - it's only fair.

DeltaBetaBaby · #7 01-03-2004, 12:25 PM

Oh, honey, don't do it...

I dated a non-Jew and all it did was lead to heartbreak. There was actually a point where I thought maybe I didn't need to marry a Jew because I was so in love with him, and one of my friends slapped me silly and told me I couldn't compromise something I had always believed in for him.

James · #8 01-03-2004, 12:41 PM

What if either A- he converted (possible) or B-he was ok with you raising your kids jewish (more likely) the kids are uusally thee major issue right?

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltaBetaBaby
Oh, honey, don't do it...

I dated a non-Jew and all it did was lead to heartbreak. There was actually a point where I thought maybe I didn't need to marry a Jew because I was so in love with him, and one of my friends slapped me silly and told me I couldn't compromise something I had always believed in for him.

James · #9 01-03-2004, 12:42 PM

How far outside your religion? Like assuming you are a sect of Christianity . . . Are you talking about not dating non-Christians? Or not dating other Christian sects either?

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
I don't date outside my religion. The one time I did, it lead to heartbreak for both of us.

Since you questioned the religious difference enough to post it, I'll quote my mama: "When in doubt, don't!" It will hold true for most of life's problems.

Let him find a good woman of his own faith - it's only fair.

kddani · #10 01-03-2004, 12:52 PM

The only thing I think is sorta "mean" here is disrespecting him and his religion. Arabic is a nationality and a language, not a religion. If you don't even know the name of his religion yet, it's a little strange that it should be of such concern.

If you like him, see where things go. Try to be more open minded maybe, it's not like you're going to run off and marry him in a couple weeks.

absolutuscchick · #11 01-03-2004, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani
The only thing I think is sorta "mean" here is disrespecting him and his religion. Arabic is a nationality and a language, not a religion. If you don't even know the name of his religion yet, it's a little strange that it should be of such concern.

KDDani and PM_Mamma001, there is no need to be so rude to me. I simply forgot if it was called muslim or arabic. Now I know. It doesn't mean I'm disrespecting him.....there is no need to be nasty.

kddani · #12 01-03-2004, 02:11 PM

Um, nothing I said was being rude or nasty. I'm not a mind reader, I just read what you wrote. If it's a discussion involving religion, to me it's disrespectful to be so flippant about a religion involved in the discussion.

If someone said something on par to that about Judaism you'd probably be quite upset.

PM_Mama00 · #13 01-03-2004, 02:42 PM

I wasn't meaning to be as rude as it came out, but if someone of Arab nationality of Muslim religion were to see your comment, they'd be pretty upset.

PS... just so you know not all Arabs are Muslim, and not all Muslims are Arab.

GeekyPenguin · #14 01-03-2004, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani
Um, nothing I said was being rude or nasty. I'm not a mind reader, I just read what you wrote. If it's a discussion involving religion, to me it's disrespectful to be so flippant about a religion involved in the discussion.

If someone said something on par to that about Judaism you'd probably be quite upset.

Agree. What would you have said if I came on here and made a post that said:

"I just went on a date with this hot guy, but I don't know what to do - I'm Catholic and he's in that yamulke (sp?) wearing religion where they don't believe in Jesus!"

I'm willing to be that would have gotten me some big ol' flames.

absolutuscchick · #15 01-03-2004, 04:05 PM

Thank you SO much Geeky Penguin and KDdani....I feel like every time I ask advice from someone on GC I get responses like this from you guys. I'm not a mean person, but it really bothers me that you have to act as though I am. In the future, please don't respond to me unless you have something nice to say. Thanks