Doesn't Want to be Initiated?!

adpiucf · #1 12-14-2002, 09:41 PM

I have a situation I need advice regarding.

The chapter that I advise initiated their fall new member class last month. One of the new members requested to be "held over" as she didn't feel quite ready. We honored her request with the idea that we would initate her at the start of the winter quarter, before the chapter begins informal fall recruitment.

She still doesn't feel she will be ready by then. Our District Director said it is ok for her to go through the new member program again with the winter new member class, but I'm concerned that this girl may make waves and I want to have the new member educator talk to her. I need help in finding what to say. We certainly want her if that is what she wants, she is a very sweet girl. Her hesitancy to be initiated stems from not wanting to be associated with the fall class-- which burns me up b/c they're such a great group!

She's met all the criteria to be initiated, and she's going to be attending new member sessions all over again. I just worry she might alienate our winter new members somehow, or feel like she can blow things off because she's already done them. Our new members have the same obligations as initated members, except that they also attend new member education once a week and have their own retreat.

I guess I have a hard time putting myself in her shoes because I couldn't wait to be initated when I was a new member! I also think that if you can't make up your mind after 10 weeks in the chapter, then maybe it is better idea to not go through with it.

What are your thoughts? Thanks for your help!

33girl · #2 12-15-2002, 12:17 PM

I don't quite get "not wanting to be associated with the fall class." No matter when she gets initiated, she is going to have to work with them and call them sisters. What does it matter what pledge class she was in after she is a member? There's nothing that says you can only associate with your pledge class.

It's one thing if she was unsure of her time/$$ commitment or a family emergency came up at the last minute, but this situation, I would really step back and question how much this woman wants to be a sister.

RockChalk · #3 12-15-2002, 01:39 PM

Don't take it too personally - it could be that she's unsure about Greek life in general.

If I were in your shoes, I'd do some investigating. Ask her why she dislikes the pledge class. Maybe some of the girls were mean to her and the rest of your chapter doesn't realize it. Have either the NM educator or her big sit down and chat with her. Y'all are obviously concerned about her, and if you want her to stay in your organization, you need to show her that.

AXOLiz · #4 12-18-2002, 01:02 PM

I also agree with everything that was said. You should find someone she trusts to talk to her about this. Maybe there was just a misunderstanding behind all of it.

One thing to keep in mind (happened to our chapter a few times) is that if there's one NM who doesn't fit with the rest of a pledge class, it could cause problems in the long run. In my experience, we've had a few girls come through that were almost outcasts in their pledge classes for whatever reason. They were obviously unhappy, but the people in the house who loved them convinced them to stay. When they were initiated, they discovered that the pledge class they didn't like was a lot like the rest of the sisters (because, you generally assume that the majority of any pledge class will mesh well with the initiated sisters). So they went through thinking things would be different once they were initiated, but by then they (or the chapter) realized they'd made a mistake. Sometimes it worked out in the end, other times you had sisters who were really unhappy deactivate or cause problems with the rest of the chapter until they graduated.

This could be fairly unique to our situation since we'd get a lot of NMs through informal rush who knew a sister (who might not be typical of the chapter) really well, but it's something to keep in mind if the NM has serious problems fitting in with the pledge class. I knew a lot of super-nice, sweet, wonderful girls who would never be happy in my chapter, and there's nothing wrong with that. It only became a problem when the best interests of the NM and the chapter were overlooked.

Good luck and keep us posted!

UofIL AXO · #5 12-18-2002, 03:25 PM

Seems like a really tough situation, and I wish you the best of luck. Keep us updated!

Kevin · #6 12-18-2002, 03:27 PM

The holdup could be financial. What's your initiation fee? Do initiates pay the same dues as new members?

keygirl · #7 12-18-2002, 05:42 PM

If the women in the chapter extended a bid to membership to this young woman they must have felt she was fit for membership. As you have stated most people are just itching to be initiated so there must be a pretty big issue. You may never know what it is. It could be financial as previously mentioned she might just be fearful. Do not let the fact that she is taking initiation very seriously make you hold negative feelings for this young woman. I wish all new members would think membership through like this. Repeating the new member period will do nothing but strengthen her knowledge and hopefully reinforce her desire to become an active member in your organization. It would be of great importance to have a conversation with this young woman possibly with your new member chairman, her big sister etc... and let her know that the spring new member class is starting with a clean slate and it is very important that she allow those women to form their own ideas about the organization rather than sharing her feelings without making her feel that what she has requested is wrong in any way.

honeychile · #8 12-18-2002, 10:53 PM

I think this is a very tough position to be in. Has this new member's pride talked to her about her hesitancy? Is the chapter okay with holding her over? Is she enjoying being a greek, but doesn't want the responsibilities? Is it the general commitment that's scaring her, or financial reasons? Because as others have pointed out, she'll still be sisters with her new member class, whenever she's initiated.

In my experience, hold-overs rarely go through with initiation, unless it's financial and arrangements are made. If they do get initiated, they go inactive early. As an advisor, I would certainly want a weekly status report on her. Please keep us posted!

honeychile

MoxieGrrl · #9 12-19-2002, 10:58 AM

Maybe it's something as simple as she really likes a girl who she "knows" will be in the spring class and wants to be initiated with her? That was my situation....I was a transfer and didn't want to be initiated with the fall girls. Not because I didn't like them, but the women that I lived with were pledging in the spring, and I wanted to go through the pledging experience with them. Good luck! I hope that everything works out for this girl & the chapter!

adpiucf · #10 12-19-2002, 02:34 PM

Thank you all for such terrific ideas! I think this was a great forum to discuss new member retention, a concern that affects all GLO's at some time or another. Ultimately, the new member chose to cancel her membership, although all of her concerns were addressed and options that she wanted were given to her. It comes down to a matter of choice. I'm proud of her for making the choice, as I think it is the right one for her and I want her to be happy. I give kudos to her New Member Coordinator and Diamond Sister for remaining positive and encouraging to her and to each other through this. Thanks again for your wonderful input-- you've presented ideas that can be used for incoming classes to help guide new members through what can be a very stressful and time-consuming part of their college experience!

texas*princess · #11 12-28-2002, 03:37 AM

I think it's unfortunate she didn't want to be initiated because there are so many women who I'm sure wanted to be part of your sisterhood that probably didn't have that chance, but at the same time, I am glad everything worked out for the best.

Best of luck w/ you & your chapter adpiucf

adpiucf · #12 02-21-2003, 10:06 PM

Well, after losing over 1/2 of the new member class due to voluntary membership cancellation in the fall, the chapter really internalized and pulled together. They had a great informal winter recruitment, and this week initiated 100% of their new member winter class! It's all about teamwork!

Shark In Skirt · #13 02-24-2003, 05:48 PM

Quite frankly, if this girl is not 100% sure that she wants to be a part of your sorority by now, she probably won't be the greatest sister when she does intiate.

I've never understood this "request" to be held over. Why the heck would you have to take that long to determine whether or not you want to be a part of the sorority? If your whole heart is not in the deal, then get the hell out.

XOXO,
Annie.

PearlGirl · #14 05-01-2003, 04:43 PM

congrats on 100%!

Optimist Prime · #15 05-01-2003, 07:05 PM

Maybe she is afraid of taking oaths that have a religious context. Talk to her about that.