Do Sisterfriends of OUR Sorority really want help?

[AKA2D '91]

This post is for SORORS OF ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA AND SISTERFFRIENDS INTERESTED IN THE SORORITY, ONLY all others, please DO NOT respond. AKATUDE, please delete if others try to respond. No disrespect intended.

Honestly, if Sorors on this board or any other board, on your campus, in your area, etc. will give you tidbits, suggestions, criticism, etc. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR IT? SEE IT?

Many times, Sorors will try to do whatever they can (more than others), to help or lead a person in the right direction, ONLY to be "dissed" because the interest didn't like the response because they were "singled out", corrected, etc.

Why? Why does an interest have to go back and forth, round and round to make a point? Simply, take the point from the person who wears the PEARLS that you want to wear AND MOVE ON!

Sorors, what happened to HUMILITY?

Like a Soror said b4, "you're dayumed if you do and dayumed if you don't".

I just wanted to get the take of Sorors and SFs of AKA to discuss this.

Do you really want help?

(excuse the length)

[MS.REVLON]

Soror how funny that you brought this up. Just the other day I was talking with a SF who ask for my help from time to time. After giving her my answer she in turn wanted to disagree with me back and forth. Now by mouth is not a prayer book but what was the point in seeking help from me in the first place. I also see this a problem with neo's . Since they will be learing history and other bits of info for the rest of their lives why is it when you try to teach them things they get offensive? Personally, I don't mind helping people and giving my .08 cents when I can just as long as they appreciate it.

[NYMinute]

Hello,

I felt compelled to respond since I am a serious interest of YOUR organization, and have been for quite some time.
First off, yes there is a lack of humility on GC and other forums that I read. However, this is not particuliar to BGLO's I think it is wholly a cultural thing. In the past decade or so there has been an erosion of respect for authority (which would be the members of your organization) as witnessed by television and current events. I say this to say that young people in this generation do not respect the traditions of days gone by. This behavior is not specific to those persuing BGLO's but on a societal level.
So to answer the question, yes we want assistance, but humbling oneself is VERY difficult. Especially for someone like myself who is known for being a firecracker.
However, I have learned when addressing members of Alpha Kappa Alpha I always exercise caution when chosing my words and questions. But I too had to learn this the hard way, through experience and hitting a few brick walls.

[exquizit]

Originally posted by NYMinute:
But I too had to learn this the hard way, through experience and hitting a few brick walls.

I've hit quite a few myself, but it knocked some sense into me! I try to keep in touch with all my SF's as a form of support (I'm the motherly type) But so many...NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN TO THEM..Have heads as thick as cement.

I can only help them as far as what I know (how to adress members, how to refer to the Org...etc. otherwise it's like the blind leading the blind.)
But even when I email them to tell them gently.."I wouldn't say ...Hey future sorors" and then explain why and what the possible backlash will be, they comeback with .."Who in the HELL do YOU think you are and I don't see why they would have a problem...blah,blah, blah."

Then I'm like WTF? Maybe it's not my place to try to help them on things that are common knowledge, maybe I should let them get put on blast just as I was when I had my little stank attitude.

It's just that half of me just wants to help them and the other half just simply wants to avoid seeing SOME Sfs make members get aggrivated(sp) with the rest of us. I really don't want to see us lose a good thing. I remember for a while when we all used to chat, members were so fed up that they didn't want to be bothered with any of us. Who could we turn to then?

After being all over the net for some time now and also being a SF for a while, I have to agree with you ladies when you say that The net gives many SFs a false sense of security and bigger balls(excuse me) to say to you members on the net what they wouldn't dream of saying to members on their campus.


[This message has been edited by exquizit (edited May 14, 2001).]

[CocoaCaramel]

In response to AKA2D'91s question, yes I and my serious SFs want and appreciate the help that we get from members of YOUR org.

I understand that for some it is very difficult to excercise humility, but when someone who has what you want and is trying to help you get where they are (of course without handing it to to you on a silver platter); you should show as much humility and gratitude as possible.

I have seen SFs go overboard getting really mouthy, cocky, and over confident, saying things like "future soror" just because they are on the net. I have attempted to "guide" them in the right direction in dealing with members(as much as an SF can). None of them have cussed me out yet, but they have told me that they won't back down (from going back & forth with members) because they are not intimidated. I try to explain that it isn't about intimidation but about respecting people who are trying to constructively criticize you. If they don't get that I just leave it alone because I feel that anything I respond with will cause something ugly and I'm too cute to be acting ugly.

------------------
"I don't know. you be the judge."
~Hits

[This message has been edited by CocoaCaramel (edited May 14, 2001).]

[Sexy Mocha]

Personally, I'm sick and tired of members of our sorority having to be on OUR Ps and Qs when we are answering/helping/clarifying the questions and concerns of sisterfriends that are interested in gaining membership. We are here offering our assistance because we choose to...not because we are obligated to. It seems to me that some interests feel that they will settle for nothing less than a brutally polite
prompt,answer that's to their personal liking. If this doesn't happen, they're going to whine and b*tch until they get some sort of apology or clarification. Can somebody tell me what is wrong with this picture?? This is not AskJeeves, this is a respectable forum...one in which sisterfriends are lucky enough to have members of the organization that they wish to be in, here offering their help.

Sorors, I'm not trying to hear that "damned if we do, damned if we don't" nonsense. I WISH I would sit up here explaining the reasons why I chose to answer in a certain way....

I WISH I was anything less than humble when Soror LadyAKA was gracious enough to help me when I was an interest.

Being humble is something that is practiced by the best of us.

If something is said that you don't want to hear, take it with a grain of salt and move on. One thing I learned is not to take anything personal. If you're upset or hurt by a Soror's response to your questions, put an H on your chest and handle it. Get over it quickly and continue on with your quest for the first and finest.



[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited May 14, 2001).]

[pretty3grl]

Soror, I do not know what has happened to humility. As I have said before, back when I pledged, the internet was only available to the government and to some institutions of higher learning. NO SORORITY INFORMATION WAS ON THE WEB!!!!! If I had the internet back then, I would have quietly searched for information in the privacy of my own room. I would never ask questions. There is no need, because all of the answers to everything that an interestee could possibly need to know is on the net (on web pages where no dialogue is necessary). Back in the early nineties (Soror AKA2D, I know you hear me), you did not even let sorority members know that you were interested. We did all research on the down low (that meant speaking to only trusted greeks, reading BOOKS and magazine articles, ect). By using common sense, I was able to abide by the "rules" of discretion. Everything is so much easier when it comes to finding information, but by hearing some sisterfriends, you would think that they are deprived of info. It all makes me feel nostalgia for the "old days" before the internet was easily accessible. Sisterfriends, believe me you already have FAR more information than I did when I spent my first night on line(or second or third). Be mindful of what Sorors are telling you. Some things are NOT MEANT for you to know as a sisterfriend, and sometimes when we sound harsh in here, it is to help you avoid hearing the harshness later. You would much rather hear it from us in here than from a Soror at rush.
Just my .08 cents worth!


[This message has been edited by pretty3grl (edited May 14, 2001).]

[sharon36]

I'm interested in this sorority so I guess I'm eligible to answer I personally am EXTREMELY grateful that the members on this board take the time out to help out sisterfriends like myself. Even though I am not a member, I am sometimes appalled by the behavior I've seen on this board. Like many of you, I get irritated when I see the same questions being posted that have been answered over and over again. I view my quest for Alpha Kappa Alpha almost like seeking a job...doing research, giving respect to those who have the "job" I would like to have one day, etc. etc...I (like most of the other sisterfriends here) understand that CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM will only help me in the end.
So to the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha, please do not take the actions of a few sisterfriends as representative of all of us. Some of us DO know the meaning of humility

[pink_ace]

Amen, Soror Sexy Mocha. Even though I'm still a neo, I totally agree with ya'll about some SFs attitudes.

[Diva7401]

Greetings...
As a highly intelligent lady that is seriously interested in your sorority I felt inclined to respond. YES, ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha-your "assistance" is desired and highly appreciated. As sisterfriends we MUST remember the fundamental rule: "We are GUEST in YOUR house." Be it on campus, at social events/parites or on the internet. There is NEVER an excuse for displaying "uncouth" behavior in the presence of a lady that is a memeber of the sorority that you wish to affiliate with.
I am conscious of the fact that as members of Alpha Kappa Alpha you all could simply "password" protect this chat and eradicate all "sisterfriend" issues ~ BUT you CHOOSE to extend your fellowship beyond membership. THANK YOU~FROM A SISTERFRIEND.

[SweetestDiva]

Originally posted by sharon36:
So to the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha, please do not take the actions of a few sisterfriends as representative of all of us. Some of us DO know the meaning of humility.

I think that pretty much sums it up for me.

[AKAME92]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by pretty3grl:

...Back in the early nineties (Soror AKA2D, I know you hear me), you did not even let sorority members know that you were interested...

Soror I am DEFINITELY feeling you on that! Back in the day, I remember being worried that my undercover interest would be "leaked" out to sorority members. My how times have changed .

[Ms_Thang24]

I would sincerly like to apologize to Discogoddess as well as Ideal08 and all other members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated. In a forum posted by Discogoddess on May 14, I kinda challenged some of the advice that she was given. Not only was it not called for but it was also disrespectful and for that I sincerly apologize. When I got home yesterday, that was all that I could think about,"how ugly my behavior was". I do respect all ideas and views of the members of the sorority. I also have learned that I must practice humility and respect and take all advice given to me whether it is something that I want to hear or not. I mean you all have already gone thru what I am trying to pursue and spend my lifetime supporting. I am a very SERIOUS sisterfriend and I have been for a very long time. I am more than ready to humble myself and practice humility in pursiut of achieving my quest. Again, I sincerly apologize.

[sunnydays96]

Having been on both sides of the table. I sort of know what the sisterfriends are feeling and how the members are feeling.

When I first came to GC. I wanted to know the ins and outs of AKA since this was the AKA message board. I thought I could click on a topic and bam there's my answer. Because on my campus you couldn't and didn't find out anything. Sisterfriends can't or won't seek info at their school, so they venture here wanting info and details down to the tee. Some get disappointed, frustrated, fiesty, rude, cocky and just down right UGLY when they don't get what they were looking for. They don't realize that their UGLY attitude won't get them no where on GC and on their campus. Why? Because only the PRETTY GIRLS WEAR 20 PEARLS.

Now being a member I understand why little info is given. Because it's not for everyone to know. Not everyone will become an AKA, so outsiders shouldn't have access to our info.

The sorors on GC give out more info than you know. Frankly we don't have to. Therefore, everyone should be grateful with what they get. Because it's better than nothing.

Why can't we give out explicit details and info to everyone? Here are 2 reasons out of the many.

1) There are so many chapters of AKA. Each chapter does things differently. If we were to give out info, it wouldn't be continuous across the board.

2) One cannot know the secrets of the FBI unless s(he) is an FBI agent.

One cannot know the secrets behind magic unless s(he) is a magician.

Therefore, one cannot know the secrets of ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA SORORITY INCORPORATED unless she is an AKA.

Lastly to Ms_Thang24. I see you have learned your first lesson in being humble and respectful by apologizing. It takes a lot to realize when one is wrong and try to correct their errors. I only wish that other SF's would do the same.

[AKA4MJ]

As a new Soror of our sisterhood, I have leaned on many that have helped me and given me guidance. And I have humbled myself even more now that I am a Soror. Any SF that can disrespect any Soror is simply not ready!

They have a lot to learn about humility and respect. And it will take a rude awakening for them to ever realize what it is we are speaking of. But, some don't want to realize and think that Alpha Kappa Alpha will be handed to them. Well I think not!! At least not in my neck of the woods.

Piece of advice to all Serious Sisterfriends, when you hear one of my Sorors say that the real work begins once you are in, that is NO LIE! Because this is a SERIOUS MATTER! This sorority wants women of merit, which carry themselves in a dignified manner at all times. And this should be brought to the table when you attempt to gain membership. With the wealth of information out there and readily accessible there are no "EXCUSES" for not being equipped with enough info to carry you! And when any of my Sorors give you info or advice that they don't have to give you, you ought to be gracious and grateful that you have been granted the opportunity to speak to one. I know of some places where GDI's can not even speak to one of my Sorors about anything. I don't know Sorors. Maybe we should carry it like that so that SF's can realize what gem and wealth of knowledge and opportunity they have.....

Sorry this is so long, but I remember how I was raised and how my common sense led me to be humble and grateful for every Soror, that I ever came into contact with.