Disrespected by an Alum

OPAGal · #1 10-05-2002, 02:27 AM

OK. Last year was my freshman year and I missed social rush. I was so sad about this, and then my boss at the time told me she was an alum for a service sorority, and while I wasn't really all that into service. I was totally looking for sisterhood to help me through my freshman year. (My boyfriend of four years joined a fraternity(SigEp) and I saw how much fun he was having, and what a great group of guys he got involved with) So I only got to attend one night of rush (service night) but the girls really seemed like a great group, and then bid day came and I got a bid. So I thought well it was obviously meant to be. I was VP of my pledge class, and I've done so much since I've been active to improve our sisterhood. This semester I was elect as Development Coordinator which is basically Alum relations, and expansions officer. I've given up countless hours of my time to plan an up coming alum dinner/fundraiser which included dinner, entertainment, and gifts for them. What was costing us a fortune was only going to cost them a $20 donation. I thought everything was going great until I received an email from our Alumnae Representative telling what a horrible job I was doing and how I she couldn't believe we had the nerve to ask the alums for money. She said they had founded us and that should have been enough, but what started out as 13 since I've been active has grown to 70 sisters. I just don't know what to do. I considered looking into a social sorority(since were not panhellnic we can join both) were I wouldn't be treated so bad, but now I'm just wondering if all alums act that way?

Senusret I · #2 10-05-2002, 09:47 AM

1) Suck it up and carry on. You're in it for the service.

2) My chapter has plenty of less than cordial alums.....NONE of them could stop us from doing our jobs or being Brothers.

3) Alums have made an investment into your chapter. Their unfriendliness may be because they feel out of the loop and unconsulted on certain affairs. Allow them to see your rationale for certain activities. Make them feel included as often as possible. And yes, alums do resent having to pay for things even if they have money -- especially if its something they never paid for before.

pinkyphimu · #3 10-05-2002, 10:17 AM

please do not get upset! keep doing what you are doing and know that everything will turn out ok!!! this woman obviously has her panties in a bunch and is taking it out on you!

i was just recently on the planning committee for the 10th anniversary of my chapter and two of the founding sisters wrote emails to the same effect. the funny thing is that they thought they shouldn't have to pay $15 to come to the event bc they had "worked so hard for the chapter." well, i have been involved for 7 years (as collegiate and alum) and we have never, ever heard from either one of them, not even for an update in our newsletter! so, truthfully, we laughed at their ignorance and ridiculousness and went on! our event was operating on a bare bones budget supported only by the $15/pp. most of us on the committee ended up spending our own money to finance the event!

keep up the good work!! have fun at your event!!

justamom · #4 10-05-2002, 11:22 AM

You have just met one of many "cross/crass" peope that will pass your way in life. If you love your GLO, focus on the wonderful people that have come into your life.

Do NOT let some old biddy, who certainly lacks social graces, color your opinion of all alums. I would be HONORED to be invited to a social event of AXO with such a minimal "donation" requested. Even the SX "Wild Game Dinner" in Houston is not FREE to the Alums. Yet it is their MOST attended active/alum event of the year. (Or at least it was)

Why not spend a couple of EXTRA bucks (about the cost of two tickets) buy a plaque and hang her/their names up... Or better yet, tell her that if there is a "FINANCIAL STRAIN" for any alum, you would be HAPPY to wave their donation. Bet you wouldn't get a single taker.

Good grief, no WONDER some chapters don't like alums hanging around!

OPAGal · #5 10-05-2002, 12:01 PM

Thank you guys so much for the encouragement. The thing that bothered me the most was that I've never heard a word from this alum, but many others have emailed me and called me on several occassions to discuss things. I also do a monthly newsletter to all alums letting them know what's going on and inviting them to join in on the activities. This alum just happens to be one of our few local alums who never bothers to attend events. Thank you all though. We (myself, and the other officer who helped in planning) are still deciding if we should still have the dinner or not, but I've spent alot of time and out of pocket money to plan this so hopefully if nothing else it will be a good sisterhood function. Thank you all. I'll keep you updated on the events to come.

cash78mere · #6 10-05-2002, 12:37 PM

respond back to this alum in the nicest possible terms that the donation is necessary but if it is going to break her bank you can see if you can do something to help her. although it would suck to have to use chapter money hopefully she wouldn't accept.

OPAGal · #7 10-05-2002, 01:16 PM

The really bad part about this is that a few of the alums have emailed me back with full intentions of coming they don't see a problem with the donation, and are glad to help us. Some haven't been invited to anything since graduation! I really feel like the alum that griped is not a very good alumnae representative since she obviously only wants to represent the opinion of a few alums and not all. I just hope that the other officers still choose to have the dinner if nothing else just as a sisterhood function.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #8 10-05-2002, 01:53 PM

You're doing amazing things for your sorority -- take heart! Don't let this get you down, girl.

Peaches-n-Cream · #9 10-05-2002, 02:02 PM

When we had our alumnae reunion, we were charged $60 each. That included the cost of a meal in a private room and a donation to our charity. I didn't think that it was too much, but some alumnae did and didn't attend. Everything costs money. I don't think that a $20 donation is too much to ask.

When I was an undergrad, my chapter sent out an alumnae newsletter which concluded with the sentence, "Alumnae donations are greatly appreciated." One alumna objected to this and told a sister that as soon as she saw that sentence, she threw out the newsletter. However, we also received several donations from many other alumnae who had no such objection.

The moral, don't let one person's negative reaction stop you from doing something that could ultimately benefit your chapter.

doubleblue&gold · #10 10-05-2002, 02:51 PM

I love hearing from the young ladies from the college chapter. I am more involved with them than many other alums but the others also remark how nice it is to be contacted by them. Frankly, I expect to spend money! The trick is not to ask for money all the time. Invite them to activities that don't require anything from them, just have them come for the fun, fellowship, and sisterhood. After that, you'll find more and more willing to contribute financially too. And remember, you'll be in that spot in the future.....how will you react? As for the woman that responded negatively, let it go and focus on the other ones that are happy to hear from you.

MTSUGURL · #11 10-05-2002, 03:48 PM

Hang in there! You're doing awesome. If the others are supportive, then I wouldn't be too concerned with this one.

CutiePie2000 · #12 10-05-2002, 04:43 PM

I am surprised that she would object to paying to go to an event...everything costs MONEY these days....

Anyhow, I wasn't sure which specific sorority you are in, but I can tell you that in Delta Gamma (and probably most of the NPC groups), alumnae are really supposed to pay alumnae dues every year, until the "finish". Does your sorority have this also, and is Ms. Grouchy a dues paying member each and every year?
I wonder...

I do agree with the eternal wisdom of JustAMom.
I also think you are on the right track of keeping alumnae in the loop...I can tell you that as an alumna, sometimes I do feel a bit left out. Just be careful that you are keeping a delicate balance of not soliciting money all the time (which I don't think you are)...no one likes to feel like people are only after their money.

As for Ms. Grouchy, who knows what triggered her reaction? I honestly don't think it was the letter that you sent out. Who knows, maybe her husband announces he's leaving her, or son announced that he is dropping out of school to form the next heavy metal rock band...whatever it was, something made her grouchy and she decided to take it out on you ("displaced aggression" - Psych 100)

OPAGal · #13 10-05-2002, 11:03 PM

Thanks you guys always make me feel better. As for CutiePie2000 question our sorority doesn't require anything of the alums. Actually we really work hard for the money we get. We only have 3 functions a year that require any money of them and usually it isn't much. My sorority does alot of fundraising, and we also participate in a Spirt contest that my school has where the top price is $8000. (We think we won last year, but they haven't anounced the winner yet) This one letter has really discouraged me and many others though. It makes you step back and look at your sorority and really think about your membership.

LeslieAGD · #14 10-05-2002, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OPAGal
I'm just wondering if all alums act that way?

In a word, no.
Don't let her get you down!

OPAGal · #15 10-05-2002, 11:10 PM

Thanks LeslieAGD. Actually it's really funny, but I've got some friends who are AGD's on my campus and they've been telling me the same thing. They've been trying to recruit me for a while now.

I've met some of their alums and alums from my boyfriend's fraternity (Sig Ep) and they all seem really nice and always glad to help out. I sure hope that she's just one alum who feels this way, but just to let everyone know as of today I only have one Maybe reply and several replies stating they will not be attending. And the dinner is next Saturday.