Problem Friend

[ZHLyreGirl]

Hey Everyone!

I need some help/advice. There's a girl I've been friends with since grade school. At one point durning high school we were really close but then kinda fell apart during senior year, but we're still friends and hang out with the same group of friends. In our "group" we are the only two who went greek, although no one expected it of me at all ( i didn't even expect it of myself!). I joined AXO at my college in our hometown and she went 5 hours away and joined XY. Anyway, because of this similarity when ever something dealing with the Greek system comes yup we end up talking to eachother for a while. During these conversations she's made some intersting comments about her house such as "God, I hate the nick name people call us but it sure seems to fit!" and "Well, not all the girls are pretty or skinny or have money but i deal with them anyway" or the every popular when showing people her pic of every one in her house "Sometimes I wonder how some of these girls got a bid here." I hate hearing her totally bad mouth her house and have tried countless time to try and tell her not every one in a sorority is going to be the steorotype of what she thought of all her life. But, as has happened many other times, she doesn't listen to anything i say. Is there anything i can do to try and get her to understand what I have been trying to tell her? or should i just deal with it? Thanks for all your help in advance!

~Katy

[uatheta]

Perhaps you could tell your dear friend that a girl comes to a house of their choice for all sorts of reasons. Maybe each one felt that they could contribute in some way. Perhaps even if that's looks, grades, money or reputaion for that matter. The possiblities are really endless. And the bragging about the "sterotype" unfortunatley some groups fit them better than others, and if she's jut speaking to you about their "sterotype" i don't see it as harm done. Now, if she's going around saying something along the lines of, "Yeah our sorority is known for being sluts that give it up on the first date." to eveyone Tom, Dick, and Harry that she sees on the street then I would start to worry about her. And about that whole bid thing. I think every sorority has one of those girls (your dear friend for instance) who believes for some reason that " Jane Doe" must have fallen in through the cracks somewhere and that's how "she" got in. So, if you can't take it anymore and your friend seems to be so superficial and shalow that all she cares about are the outside apperance, her house sterotype and girls in the house, perhaps you should break the friendship off slowly and stick with your Alpha Chi girls. I hope that i wasn't too harsh and i hope that this may help a little bit.

Heather~

[33girl]

Ask her "if you hate it so much, why don't you just quit?"

More than likely she will start defending the house and her sisters and say "I would never want to quit, I love it!"

Everyone needs to vent sometimes about things that are going on and I would wager she doesn't really hate it as much as some of her comments might suggest. But if you are the only one around who has gone Greek, you might be the only one she feels she can say anything to who would vaguely understand it. Plus you don't know any of the people at her school and she might be looking to you for an objective opinion.

It's kind of like when you are pissed at your boyfriend and vent about it to your mom - you don't mean it you just are having a cranky moment and need to get it out.

[Tom Earp]

Why did she join that house anyway? There must have been a logical reason in her mind!

The Name, or the only one she got a bid from?

As we all know, that people join people that they want to be with, if not why join!

Well maybe she is a cronick ? Complainer like my self.

Just flat put it to her and ask, WHY!

Dumbest question is the one you never ask!