Is it worth it?

bgsugirlie · #1 04-25-2002, 11:35 PM

There is this girl who is very interested in joining our sorority. She's a lot of fun to hang out with and talk to. The only problem is that she has been with a lot of people, and she has a slightly slutty reputation. I'm not sure if it would be a good idea for her to join our sorority. It is one of those situations where I wouldn't be surprised if she hooked up with a sister's ex boyfriend or something like that. I'm not sure if she would do that, but I don't want to tell my sisters what a great girl this is and have tons of unnecessary drama if she happens to cause problems because of her random hook-ups. What would you do in this situation?

Optimist Prime · #2 04-26-2002, 12:07 AM

I would say go for it. Connect four. You would be bidding on her, not her rep.

DeltaBetaBaby · #3 04-26-2002, 12:56 AM

You know, a lot of girls that are "slutty" have self-esteem issues. If you stress to her how much you care about her and how proud you are that she is a sister, she may very well clean up her act because she cares about your house.

Peaches-n-Cream · #4 04-26-2002, 01:01 AM

She's not a sister yet, right? I would not recommend her, and I wouldn't mention her rep unless you think her membership will compromise the future of your sorority.

CutiePie2000 · #5 04-26-2002, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bgsugirlie
The only problem is that she has been with a lot of people, and she has a slightly slutty reputation.

I have to ask, are you certain about this? In reality, she may not have been with a lot of people, it could only be hurtful hearsay and so I think it is wise to question what people tell you. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Why do people say that she has "been with" a lot of people? Were they physically there when "it" allegedly happened?

And...if she is someone who is promiscuous, ask yourself why?
Maybe she has a past that you would never wish on anyone?Maybe she was sexually abused as a child?
People seem to think that if a woman is promiscuous, it's because she's sexually insatiable - - that's not the case, promiscuity stems from low self-esteem, a history of abuse, poor feelings of self worth, etc.

I know that it is a lot to ask a sorority to take on someone with a "lot of baggage", but I think it is wise to ask and find out a bit more about a person instead of just writing someone off as "slutty". People are complex, they're not good/bad, slutty/not slutty, know what I mean?

By the way, I was watching Oprah last night and it was all about "The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls"
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/...20020424.jhtml
One thing that they did mention is the way that spreading gossip is one way that females enact aggression and devastation upon each other.

If this girl has low self-esteem, it sounds to me, like she would benefit the most from membership in a sorority, and benefit from having friendship, support and love of sisters around her.

LeslieAGD · #6 04-26-2002, 09:14 AM

From your post, it doesn't sound like this is a good friend of yours...is she someone from one of your classes or something? Could you see her as a sister? If you can, I don't see anything wrong with taking her to a COB event. If she does end up pledging, hopefully she'll get a sense of what's socially acceptable and what's not.

AchtungBaby80 · #7 04-26-2002, 11:07 AM

As a person who has been the subject of gossip of that nature (and it was just that, gossip) and who has friends who also have been, I think you really need to be sure what you're hearing is the truth. Odds are, it's not as bad as it sounds. Things can get twisted out of perspective very easily, especially as more and more people pass the "news" along. I hate to insult anyone, but guys can talk just as bad as girls do and what comes out of their mouths is not always the truth...that might be where the gossip originated. The girl might be aware of what people are saying; if she is, it's probably very hurtful. If you denied her a bid simply because of that (even though you thought she'd be a good sister), it would hurt even more. Should you decide to go ahead and bid her, don't even bring up the gossip...I can tell you that it really, *really* hurts when you find out one of your own sisters has been perpetuating stories about you. And if the gossip turns out to be true, well, maybe you and your sisters can fill that empty spot in her life that she's trying to fill by behaving that way.

FuzzieAlum · #8 04-26-2002, 11:45 AM

I would say bid her ... but do consider: If she does turn out to be sexually irresponsible (not just having a lot of sex, but doing it with people she shouldn't, like ya'll's boyfriends), your sisters will become very angry if they find out you had some inkling of this and didn't share them. Just a warning.

theta sig agd · #9 04-26-2002, 12:38 PM

I have mixed feelings on this.

I would never want to hurt my org, but I would think that maybe this would help her like others have said maybe it is her self-esteem.

But then again maybe it isnt true at all. Have you talked to your friend about your conserns? I mean after all she is your friend. Then maybe when you have talked you may discover a new truth and there will no longer be an issue of bringing it up to your sisters.

Just my opinion...

counting · #10 04-26-2002, 01:50 PM

So why are you her friend??? If you are so afraid, she may "hook up" with your sorors' boyfriend. Are you not afraid that she will do the same thing to you??

You claim to be her friend???

You need to reassess yourself. Look at the entire picture. She may or may not be a great soror to have.

VSUPhiMu · #11 04-26-2002, 01:53 PM

We had a similar situation in my chapter this year. In the end, we realized that your sorority is who your sisters are. Reputations preceed people, true or not. We decided that we valued our reputation and that we wouldn't want to do anything to cheapen that.

As much as you like the girl, I would do what is best for your chapter as a whole. We knew we might lose great girls during rush because of this girl's reputation. That would harm us, and she wasn't worth it.

-VSUPhiMu

bgsugirlie · #12 04-26-2002, 09:21 PM

Here's an update...it definitely is not rumors. I have heard straight from her mouth how many people she has been with, and it is A LOT! She has never hooked up with any of her friend's boyfriends to my knowledge (and I hope that she would never do that) but I wouldn't be totally surprised if it happened because of her previous behavior and how she views sex. It almost seems like a hobby to her. I am just worried because I like hanging out with her, but I don't want her to join sorority if she is going to hurt a sister by her actions. I hope this background info can help you guys judge the situation. Any more advice?

Glitter650 · #13 04-28-2002, 12:31 AM

I would have to agree with some of the other people. Maybe having you all as support and being able to go out with sisters who care about her (instead of sleeping with guys who don't) may just stop her behavior... then again maybe not... If you are REALLY worried that this girl is very catty and will not be tamed by having a support system.. then don't give her the bid.. but if you could see having some caring woman around her helping her out.. take a chance... it could be a turning point for her.

AGDLynn · #14 04-28-2002, 07:58 AM

My vote would be to not extend her a bid. Since she herself has admitted it, it shoulds like something she is proud of. If she is really interested in joining a sorority, she has to realize that each and every PNM and initiated sister has an effect on how the sorority is going to be judged in the future.

Whether or not, she wants to join a sorority, she needs to think about cleaning up her act and her rep. She may still be in college, but she may be doing serious damage to her future.

LeslieAGD · #15 04-28-2002, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bgsugirlie
Here's an update...it definitely is not rumors. I have heard straight from her mouth how many people she has been with, and it is A LOT! Any more advice?

Since you've talked to her about how many people she's been with, it seems like she will speak openly with you. I would tell her your concerns. State that you're hesitant to take her to a recruitment event because of her behavior...that while you think she's a lot of fun to hang out with, you don't want her to negatively effect your house.