Tips for dating a navy man?

[kddani]

KillarneyRose and I have already spoken about this, but I thought i'd start a thread.

I met an absolutely wonderful guy this weekend at a wedding (the bride's mother and his sister have been setting up a little matchmaking here for a few months)- we hung out all night of the wedding and all the next day. He's in the navy (went to the Academy) and lives in Seattle (i'm in Pittsburgh).

So I guess my questions are:

Advice for dating a guy in the military?

How do you deal when he's away? (at least he's on a sub... so when he's out, he's underwater the whole time... not docking anywhere to get in trouble with some Thai hookers )

Any general advice for starting a long distance relationship (i've never had one!) in this sort of context?

He's already made a great effort to get things going- has called me everyday (even this morning!) and we've been emailing frequently. I was skeptical that maybe it was just a fun little flingy-type thing, but he's really impressed me, and I definately think he's worth it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[docetboy]

Whatever military base you are closest to, contact the Family Affairs office...they can give you a lot of advice and support dealing with dating a man out to sea and dealing with all the issues that may come up.

[AlphaSigOU]

He's a 'bubblehead'? (Navy slang for a submariner.) The submarine service is also known as the 'silent service' and for good reason: they stay down below and literally become one with the ocean. Get found, you die.

It really depends on what type of submarine he's on. If he's on an SSN (the fast attack boats) they could be gone for months at a time, on missions so highly classified that he can't (and won't) tell you anything about it.

If he's on an SSBN (the Trident ballistic missile submarines) the patrols are more regimented; they have two separate crews, called Blue and Gold; while the Blue crew is on patrol, the Gold crew is ashore training, on leave, etc. SSBN patrols ('boomers' in Navy slang) last approximately 80 days.

Become interested in the Navy. Learn to read a military person's uniform: ranks and rates, ribbons, medals and decorations, and other insignia. The military uniform, to the initiate, will tell you the rank, unit (sometimes), awards and decorations he or she earned, as well as qualifications.

Take notice of his 'dolphins' (the submarine qualified insignia); a LOT of hard work went into making him qualified to wear them; while he's learning to become qualified, he gets mercilessly razzed by the other already-qualified dolphin wearers.

Be patient; if he's on patrol, he may not be able to answer e-mails. I don't know if they still send 'familygrams', (brief messages sent to the submarine by family and friends) but subs nowadays can pick up and send e-mail when operational requirements dictate.

Hope this helps.

[KillarneyRose]

Pay attention to AlphaSigOU, Dani, he knows his isht!

(Although I would have probably rephrased "get found, you die" a little differently! )

[kddani]

Yep, he's a "bubblehead"... he's also a "nuc" (slang that KillarneyRose told me)... works on a nuclear submarine, can't really tell me anything specific that they do. He went to "nuc school" after finishing at the Academy. We haven't really talked specifically about what level of communication he has when he's out on the sub.... but I don't think it's much.

Does anyone know of any good websites with basic navy info on it? Cliff notes to navy stuff

Thank you so much for your advice, AlphaSigOU!

[ansturge]

but dont send really personal stuff on family grams or email, it is not private at all and he will be teased unmercifully over mushy personal stuff

i feel your pain my boyfriend is applying for the NUPOC program, so next summer he will be away a lot

i am excited for him, but dreading it at the same time. My biggest fear is us not staying together, and the local women. yes, the local women bother me.

[AlphaSigOU]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Pay attention to AlphaSigOU, Dani, he knows his isht!

(Although I would have probably rephrased "get found, you die" a little differently! )

Hehe... don't mind me, I was getting a little direct and to the point. The unofficial motto of the 'boomers' is "we hide with pride." Some wags will dub 'em "chicken of the sea" (To date no Ohio-class SSBN has ever been detected underwater by anyone other than a US attack sub in training exercises.)

Much of the details on nuclear power in the Navy are highly classified and one of its most closely-guarded secrets. Most tours of submarines in port stop at the bulkhead dividing the living spaces from the engineering spaces.

Suggested sites: the Navy's official website at www.navy.mil. For detailed info (short of giving up classified) on submarines all over the world try http://www.rontini.com/ .

Also a good site and a guided tour of a submarine: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/subsecrets/spriconhi.html . This is the USS Springfield (SSN 761).

[kddani]

woohoo......... just found out that i'm going to Seattle two weekends from now to visit him!

[valkyrie]

Watch out, LOL -- my good friend Kellie met a Navy guy last July, and after spending a total of 12 days together over several months, they got engaged. They were just married earlier this month, and last week she moved to Hawaii where he's stationed. They seem crazy happy together!

Those Navy boys move quickly!

[kddani]

bumping for the daytime crew's advice

[texas*princess]

best of luck with your navy man!!!!

originally posted by ansturge
but dont send really personal stuff on family grams or email, it is not private at all and he will be teased unmercifully over mushy personal stuff

hahaha.. that's so true! One of my best guy friends in high school joined the Navy, and we still kept in touch after he moved to the east coast. One time I called his phone & some other guy answered and I asked for my friend, and he was like 'sure.. just a second" and in the background I could hear him say "oOOOoOoO!!! Tony it's your GIRLFRIEND!!!!" lol silly.. we were never more than friends, but I always thought that was funny when it happened

[moe.ron]

In the Navy, yes, you can sail the seven seas.
In the Navy, yes, you can put your mind at ease.
In the Navy, come on now people, make a stand.
In the Navy, can't you see we need a hand.
In the Navy, come on, protect the motherland.
In the Navy, come on and join your fellow, man.
In the Navy, come on, people, and make a stand.
In the Navy, in the Navy.

[James]

Be prepared to be alone a lot. I come froma military family.

It depends on your temperment more than any advice we can really give you. It depends on how much you need "your man" around you, and how busy you are in your own life.

And how much physical attention you need.

If you need a lot of physical attention, or a lot of emotional support from the man in your life, you are looking at being unhappy a lot. And maybe even not knowing why.

And worse you could wake up many years from now (as many military brides do) and realize why. And feel like you wasted a lot of time.

IF you are the type of person that doesn't need a lot of the above, or have developed a lot of "surrogate" support systems then you should be fine.

but if you have developed a lot of surogate support systems either you won't need him anyway lol.

But most of this advice applies to long term committment lol. As for "dating" just have fun.

[kddani]

That's pretty sound advice there, James, thank you.

One good thing is that if this does work out in the long run, he only has 2 years left of his "mandatory" service (have to do 5 years at last when you graduate from the Academy), and I think he wants to stay in about 2 years after that. But it's definately NOT going to be a lifelong career for him. If it were, I don't think I could do that. Too much time apart, and with my field, I can't be moving around a lot. That's the pain about being a lawyer- if you're moving and want to get a job, you have to go through the whole process of taking the bar in that state.

But, that's getting a bit ahead of things. I guess all I can do is see what happens.... if he was just some guy that I was in it for a "fling" with, I don't think i'd be trying. There's definately serious long-term potential, so that's why I think i'm going to try to do this.

Thank god for law school and KD, I have so much to keep me busy! And oh yeah, GC too

[DeltAlum]

I was going to say that buttons are harder to operate than zippers. Take your pick.

But maybe I shouldn't.

So sorry. That was really tacky.